Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML
Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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Top comments
Pwib 14
Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?
Misshhh 23
One word: Condom
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Comments (168)
ThexFroggyGirl 21
Oh darn he does this once a month how terrible.
savmut 8
Next time he does it, simply look at him and say "does that mean you are shooting blanks?"
Hinup 11
i actually think that's funny, or is that wrong? it's like us woman thanking mother nature for telling us we're not :) although it's a pain in the ass each week ;P
8born8 18
Yeah, mother nature lets us know we're not pregnant by taking the un-fertilized egg, tearing the walls down, expelling everything through our one "fun hole", while our muscles cramp, bodies retain fluid, abhore anything with testosterone, and crave tim tams and ice cream. Cheers mother nature, appreciate it. And each week? Just how long is your cycle hun?
luverofakatsuki 16
i wonder what'll happen when he does get you pregnant... will he slap it?
messymessiah 11
He obviously doesn't realise what it means if you aren't on the pill and he doesn't use a condom... He's sterile. See if he still high fives it then. In any case you guys are pretty silly to be having unprotected sex if you don't want a baby.
starcravingmad 5
That doesn't necessarily mean he's sterile. Women can have reproductive disorders that can prevent them from getting pregnant as well...
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Unless you want to be pregnant you should give it a high five too.
niome_fml 9
weird...
wizewomyn 13
Maybe you should start high fiving it every month for not diluting the gene pool !! ??
redneck66 11
hahahahahaha do your nuts hang low do they wobble to and fro can ya tie em in a knot? can you tie em in a boe?
honeymoonroyale 20
At least he has a sense of humor.