Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML
Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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Top comments
Pwib 14
Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?
Misshhh 23
One word: Condom
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Comments (168)
TurquoiseJesus 15
Im not really seeing the issue here. He doesnt presently want kids, so hes celebrating the little occasions in life, which I think is a pretty healthy way to live one's life.
nemcali 34
What about start using condoms?!
ostfaiz 18
hope this continues ..
ac21714 4
next time he does that, high five his penis with ur fist
ephram17 24
Not seeing how this is an FML.... sorry.
Vannessa_arianna 4
Maybe make him put a condom on?
FranticLol101 11
More like an eye five
dragonrider1959 18
You are lucky not to be cursed with his offspring. Also, why did you start dating him!
zombiekiller52 24
You could tell him that you are late and just string him along for fu.
demonfacee 14
At least there's condoms. (: