Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML
Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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Top comments
Pwib 14
Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?
Misshhh 23
One word: Condom
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Comments (168)
klenorris 15
He's a keeper! :')
kittymisfit 13
Technically, he should be congratulating his balls.
CenturionK 3
Your boyfriend sounds pretty funny.
LocsOn 13
ouch
NOTaDISTRACTION 17
He's a keeper
SarahJacobs 1
You guys sound like the Morning After Pill inventor's kids' college fund.
8born8 18
OP, it sounds like you're a little annoyed by him doing this. Have you told him that you're irritated when he does that & it makes him look immature and stupid? Perhaps, let him know that it's a huge turnoff for you & maybe he could have his little hi five party in private? If you don't say something now, it'll just annoy you so much and eventually it'll probably turn into an issue. Nip it in the bud OP. Be smart, be safe and be honest.
syed121417 22
Am I the only girl here who that wouldn't bother?
brooke1113 2
How does he know when you are on your period???
emeraldmaz 9
Uh... why wouldn't he? It's not too hard to imagine how he might know: he heard the ripping of a pad wrapper/crinkling of a tampon wrapper; he discovered so during sex; he noticed a new box of tampons in the bathroom; he noticed blood on some knickers in the laundry; she told him, etc etc.
TEDREDNECKLO 5
It's only weird if it doesn't work