Love: Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn... - FML

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

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Understandable

Late term

Freak Scene

By Dsark - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

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By waitforit - United States

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

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By Suomynona - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Marysville

Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML

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By sunny_ca559 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

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By MissPerspirent - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

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By fmlll - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

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By BurnedByAWaiter

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

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By prisonbitch - United States

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

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By FckMyLife - United States

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

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By NoPainNoGain - United States

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML

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By Cathy - United States

Today, my husband was choosing an auto insurance. Geico was $500 and Allstate was $200. He chose Geico because it had a 'cute little lizard.' FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in 3 weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off and slammed the door in my face. FML

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By ADanceWithDavos - United Kingdom

Freaked out

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

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By issy - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

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By representative

Today, I was let go without warning at work. Why? Because my boss saw some comments I'd posted. Nothing I'd said was offensive or controversial, but he said he didn't care, because he didn't agree with it and didn't want me to "smear" the company name. I represent the company? I just serve coffee. FML

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By dabull - United States

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

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By thecatlady - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

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By Dumbdumb - United States

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

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By Anonymous

Outdoorsy romance

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

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By bride - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

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By ass slap - United States - Broomall

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

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By thecarisfine - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML

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By tiredInMD - United States - Pasadena

Today, after retyping a 22-page report for work because the orginal had gone missing, i realized I had used a different laptop the first time. I now have 2 copies of the same report, both of which are late. FML

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By girlfriday - United Kingdom

Today, my left-handed boss needed PC help. I said "right-click for the menu." She said nothing happened. Three times we went through this. Eventually I went over, asking her to show me what she did. She was using her right hand on the left mouse button. She earns £10,000 more than me. FML

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By Andrea Trevor

Still counts!

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

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By deargodthepain - United States

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

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By oof - 9/7/2020 23:01

Boom, headshot

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

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By Lola - United Kingdom

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

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By wantedphantom

Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML

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By uhmwow

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

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By unfortunatelyunlucky - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

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By Anonymous

Call the FBI on her ass

Today, I got home from work to I find my cash box open and empty. My mom walked up and said, "If you have a lock that easy to pick, you don't deserve the money." There was 650 dollars in there. She refuses to give it back. FML

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By jdch_99 - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

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By worried - Ireland

Today, I told my boyfriend that my period was now over three weeks late. He still doesn't believe me since it's April Fool's day. But I'm not kidding. FML

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Top comments

By fckwhyme | 11

#5468205 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:04

What a dick.....

By GemmaStyles | 14

#5468207 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:06

You don't need someone as inconsiderate as him. I'd say you're better off single.. You're gonna find someone who'll be there for you sooner or later x

COMMENTS

By fckwhyme | 11

#5468205 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:04

What a dick.....

Reply

ScenicSubterfuge | 39

#5468294 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:39

Agreed!

Reply

Archay | 13

#5468555 - Sunday 28 April 2013 6:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

soccerstar1996 | 18

#5468557 - Sunday 28 April 2013 6:51

This isn't an FML this is a fuck his life. He lost someone special today

Reply

londoner86 | 13

#5469255 - Sunday 28 April 2013 18:40

he was probably hoping the exchange program would do the break-up for him, and then when it fell through he realised he'd have to step up... so sorry OP. But if he couldn't handle you unhappy then he didn't love you too much, so be glad he's gone and find someone who's really into you. good luck!

Reply

SuperKnuckels | 6

#5471061 - Monday 29 April 2013 20:20

them feels OP.. i had them.

By GemmaStyles | 14

#5468207 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:06

You don't need someone as inconsiderate as him. I'd say you're better off single.. You're gonna find someone who'll be there for you sooner or later x

Reply

zandalee | 19

#5468278 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:31

I agree. Sounds like your ex boyfriend was out of his depth. Shallow, hollow and useless.

Reply

cja33 | 8

#5468330 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:05

Man that really sucks... this FML isn't funny at all, not that it should be! but ya this FML is pretty sad.

By hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml | 14

#5468233 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:11

Sorry for your loss OP :( losing your father is an extremely rough thing to go through, and I'm sorry you don't have your boyfriend's support :(

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#5468277 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:30

Or her other friends. However, (I'm gonna be totally cliche here, sorry) life does have its ups and downs, and while this is certainly a terrible down, it has to get better, hopefully soon.

By bluehero | 17

#5468234 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:12

I feel so bad for you. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one.

By HortonThelephant | 15

#5468245 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

superdom | 12

#5468354 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:15

Don't joke Taylor swift can go jump in a lake I'm sick of her crappy music I broke my heart bc done guy I didn't like was good to me

Reply

Zemmiphobia | 11

#5468379 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:29

#34- What?

Reply

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#5468465 - Sunday 28 April 2013 5:21

Somebody's in a bad mood.

Reply

_DudeGuy_ | 16

#5468526 - Sunday 28 April 2013 6:08

34, one moment, I need to get my Rosetta Stone. Nope, that's still incomprehensible.

Reply

zandalee | 19

#5468536 - Sunday 28 April 2013 6:18

34- stop drinking the turps!

Reply

theannak | 7

#5468563 - Sunday 28 April 2013 7:04

Go home 34, you're drunk.

Reply

Bradley_Dillon | 39

#5708341 - Tuesday 8 October 2013 17:29

I found this pretty funny. Why is it disliked?

By Adhdkid107 | 9

#5468253 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:18

Your boyfriend should be there for you in thick or thin. I hope someday you find that guy OP.

By bReLiNg | 18

#5468258 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:21

Ouch. Sorry OP. You are better off without him most likely if he just dumped you for that. Do what makes you happy :) that's all that matters.

Reply

Kyle_Kawi27 | 7

#5468403 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:42

Good advice. Lol.

By 182yellowgreen41 | 10

#5468259 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:22

You deserve better, anyway OP! He's a dick.

By aylatan_ | 9

#5468261 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:24

He's obviously not worth it if he can't recognise that you're going through a hard time and is too self centred to know why you're actually sad

By jazalea8 | 16

#5468263 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:25

It is good to find out now that he is not going to stick around. If you got married, he would leave you then too. He is a jerk and does not understand through thick and then (or for better or worse)!!!!