Transportation: Today, I went out to my car only to find my battery had died... - FML

By dwhitehouse - 21/01/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I went out to my car only to find my battery had died the night before. With the wind chill, it was -20°F outside. With the hood open, and jumper cables in one hand, I tried to flag down a passing motorist for help. A man in a truck slowed down, sarcastically waved at me, and kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 072

You deserved it 2 981

You tried

Another great day to be alive

Good boy

By CallMeMrFunny - 22/12/2016 18:27

Today, I mentioned to my parents that Sunday is going to be awesome because it's Christmas. They responded with "Wait, this Sunday? In 3 days?!" Apparently they forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 368

You deserved it 702

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 23:03 - United States - Chester

Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 853

You deserved it 9 711

Motel 6 to 9

By gregm97 - 06/06/2020 05:03

Today, after my family and I returned to our motel after a long day trip, we saw that the room was made. As we were getting ready to sleep, I pulled my sheets back to find a large piece of crap smeared all over the bed. When we told the front desk about this, they told us to "fuck off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 150

By hurikan68 - 27/07/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 2 705

By Bethany - 07/08/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 192

You deserved it 4 367

Do as I say, not as I do

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 08:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, once again my family had a loud conversation over the television show I was quietly watching. But the moment they watch something they like, even if it's a re-run episode, you have to be quiet or you'll be called a monster. Simply say "Hi" and they'll pause the TV to look at you like an annoyance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 09:07 - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 163

You deserved it 2 239

By Whybother - 20/09/2016 08:13 - United States - Hilo

Today, I'm jobless and picked up transcription work online. I typed furiously all day. I have made a grand total of $2.06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 554

You deserved it 1 352

By yayibs - 04/12/2015 03:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 373

You deserved it 4 463

By thairsha - 09/02/2012 11:05 - Japan

Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 322

You deserved it 4 205

By driverman12 - 04/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 094

You deserved it 30 892

By anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 894

You deserved it 72 944

By Photos - 20/02/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, after I got home from school I went to my room to find the maid had cleaned it, also to find a bag labeled "trash" it was all the sketches and paintings I had done in art class, which is my major plan for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 650

You deserved it 4 677

Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 132

By grandma - 08/02/2014 15:12 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 711

You deserved it 7 189

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 359

You deserved it 2 306

By wellalrightythen - 09/02/2015 06:23 - United States - Hobart

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 800

You deserved it 2 486

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 642

You deserved it 20 605

By paula.isabel - 09/09/2018 20:30

Today, I was in a car crash. While I was being immobilised by the paramedics to be taken to the nearest hospital, the passenger of the other car, who didn't have a single scratch, touched my shoulder and said, "It doesn't matter, nobody got hurt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 159

You deserved it 162

Nun the wiser

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 99

By dickbag - 25/11/2015 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 367

You deserved it 1 423

By yay! - 08/11/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 759

You deserved it 32 212

"Pooping and Shit"

By everybodypoops - 02/08/2017 20:00

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 791

You deserved it 506

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 796

You deserved it 4 228

By Birthday girl - 06/01/2013 05:59 - United States - Wahpeton

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 181

You deserved it 2 378

By loneliness - 30/12/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, I realized I want school to start again so that I won't be sitting alone in my room all day anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 063

You deserved it 7 349

By moronicmoroccan - 23/01/2009 10:16 - Philippines

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 118

You deserved it 2 328

By =( - 05/04/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 652

You deserved it 14 379

By misterhippo - 22/04/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 574

You deserved it 12 186

By anonymous.. - 03/09/2010 00:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 988

You deserved it 4 431

By Anonymous - 09/03/2010 08:57 - United States

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 529

You deserved it 2 622

By eyepatch - 19/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 773

You deserved it 404

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 05:04

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 099

You deserved it 4 187

By RyanJarmanForPresident - 23/11/2012 09:07 - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 200

You deserved it 5 022

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 618

You deserved it 46 073

Pubes of steel

By bushburn - 01/06/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I had to finally give my boyfriend an ultimatum. Either he at least trims his giant mass of unruly pubes or no more sex. I feel I have no choice since his huge bush has left friction burns on my face and down below. He doesn’t see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 231

By Wally - 04/01/2010 17:52 - Mexico

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 896

You deserved it 3 967

By meet Chloe - 19/02/2012 09:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 822

You deserved it 8 521

By Reasondon - 13/12/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 255

You deserved it 4 380

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 728

You deserved it 2 193

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Top comments

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:38

It sounds like you were home or at work or somewhere where there's a phone. You said you went out to your car and found out it died the night before. Well, unless you were on the road a night before, there shouldn't be an issue; go inside and call someone for help. It still sucks about that jerk though.

UpsidedownKayak 9

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:42

No one cares that "is gets colder than that in Canada". If you think your life is more fucked than someone else's life than submit your own FML. Damn, one uppers!

Comments

ThreeSheetsGone 12

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:20

Maybe you should invest in a battery charger, and a brain

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 22 January 2011 0:09

Now that wasn't very nICE

Acousticpixie14 6

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Saturday 22 January 2011 0:37

Maybe he shouldn't have let his battery die in the first place?

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Saturday 22 January 2011 1:18

the cold kills batteries

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Saturday 22 January 2011 1:42

dat's what she said!

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Saturday 22 January 2011 2:45

What kind douchebag thing is that to say? Batteries die when it is that cold.

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Saturday 22 January 2011 3:17

That is why i bring my battery inside when its that cold. I have a maintainer installed in my car to keep the battery warm and fully charged. I also have a backup battery that i keep on a maintainer in my apartment in case my car battery dies. Being prepared is the key in cold environments like this.

Acousticpixie14 6

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Saturday 22 January 2011 4:08

I've never had my battery die in the cold. Why dos it do that? The acid just freezes or something?

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:42

The cold doesn't kill the batteries, leaving something on drains it. The cold has absolutely nothing to do with it.

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:20

haha sucka douche bag

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Saturday 22 January 2011 0:09

You should have sarcastically flipped him off.

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:20

He should of yelled "have a nice day!" that would of been even better, but seriously sorry OP.

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:21

That sucks big time

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:21

Odds are he would of raped you

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:23

Aw, that really blows. Hopefully a good Samaritan will drive by.

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Saturday 22 January 2011 0:54

at least op didn't get raped

LightningLadyy 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:24

Such a sweet man :D

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Thursday 1 May 2014 15:27

You have to be careful now'a'days with helping people on the side of the road. You never know if they are serial muderers!

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:38

It sounds like you were home or at work or somewhere where there's a phone. You said you went out to your car and found out it died the night before. Well, unless you were on the road a night before, there shouldn't be an issue; go inside and call someone for help. It still sucks about that jerk though.

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Friday 29 July 2016 8:12

Possibly camping?

Dirtbikerchick 4

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:41

How do you sarcastically wave at someone? Lol

keepsmiling1996 5

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Sunday 23 January 2011 0:45

i was thinking the same thing!

hockeyplaya2029 0

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Sunday 23 January 2011 4:51

same here haha

UpsidedownKayak 9

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:42

No one cares that "is gets colder than that in Canada". If you think your life is more fucked than someone else's life than submit your own FML. Damn, one uppers!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 274