Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML
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Top comments
By
emeraldisle
| 30
He's just making excuses to break up with you. You're better off without him OP.
By
zoPwNAgEzo
| 21
I don't understand, did he not at least try to come up with an ACTUAL reason to dump you? At least you don't have to deal with that douche anymore
COMMENTS
By
emeraldisle
| 30
He's just making excuses to break up with you. You're better off without him OP.
Reply
_ebbonyy
| 11
Especially if he's shallow enough to list 'your mums lazy eye' as a fair reason to break up.
Reply
Trisha_aus
| 15
Are blokes getting dumber by the day or is it just me? What does her mom's eye have to do with their relationship?! utter fuckclump
Reply
Amethyst888
| 14
Fuckclump, that made my day :)
Reply
pinkWabbits
| 0
It was for the better OP. Not only did he give lame excuses but he couldn't even do that right. I think you dodged a bullet with this one.
Reply
ucoolgirl31
| 20
Eh.. This calls for a back-hand bitch slap
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taco_bender
| 12
You deserve better OP. Cheating bfs arnt worth keeping around especially if they dnt feel bad about cheating.
Reply
TwiztedYuri
| 9
there are those hit it and quit it duchefucks in this world. they will do anything to get laid then when they're done playing with you they move on to the next one. I was friends with one of those a while ago.
Reply
GovernorGeneral
| 8
Shit i accidently started reading this as ' today, my mom broke up with me'
._.
._.
Reply
Llamacod
| 11
taco, its "aren't" and "don't" is it really that hard to put in the 1 extra letter in each word?
Reply
GirlOnFire143
| 6
Llama, is it really that hard to put an apostrophe between the "it" and the "s" in "it's"?
If you're going to be a spelling nazi, at the very least spell words right in your own comments.
If you're going to be a spelling nazi, at the very least spell words right in your own comments.
Reply
taco_bender
| 12
My bad. I was never good in english class.
Reply
GovernorGeneral
| 8
How do you bend tacos? Oh master, please teach me.
Reply
taco_bender
| 12
Ummm ok I guess. Get tortillas y carne asada.
Reply
taco_bender
| 12
Then you add the secret formula. This secret formula to the tacos is.....
Reply
Girlybanana
| 2
Maybe he has met your mom. Maybe that's who he's cheating on you with. That would explain why your dad hates him.
Reply
starman02
| 12
#100- good theory! My theory is he is probably just a douche bag :)
By
zoPwNAgEzo
| 21
I don't understand, did he not at least try to come up with an ACTUAL reason to dump you? At least you don't have to deal with that douche anymore
Reply
NuTrees
| 9
Idk. But after each line, my mouth dropped that much more. Then I was like huh?
Reply
sonrisapreciosa
| 6
Maybe he thought she was the other girl? O.o
By
KrazieKleo
| 13
Good riddance. He did all the work for you. On to the next one.
By
DontClickOnMe
| 28
Well obviously he was just making up those things as excuses. Oh well, you deserve better than him anyway if he can't tell you the real reason why he's breaking up with you.
Reply
ICastillo
| 24
Dude I clicked, your pic is scary as hell man!!
Reply
Wizardly01
| 6
To me, when I saw his photo, I was just like, "Meh".
Reply
GirlOnFire143
| 6
I was like, O.O
Made my day.
Made my day.
By
andrew1994001
| 5
How can I get a girlfriend?
Reply
Sirin_fml
| 46
1) Get drunk.
2) Strip naked.
3) Film yourself doing the Mambo in front of a Perdix tribute poster.
4) Post a link to the video in your profile.
5) Receive girlfriend (or hate mail).
You are welcome.
2) Strip naked.
3) Film yourself doing the Mambo in front of a Perdix tribute poster.
4) Post a link to the video in your profile.
5) Receive girlfriend (or hate mail).
You are welcome.
Reply
golfer_boi
| 10
Ugh, why can't you thumb up FML team comments??!!
Reply
Trisha_aus
| 15
Oh lord! How I wish I can thumbs up sirin's comment
Reply
coldashell
| 23
You could man the fuck up and ask a chick out?
Reply
laden_swallow09
| 34
19 - They're FML Mods. They already know they're tha shit. Lol
Reply
flockz
| 19
1. go to a public place and find beautiful and desirable women.
2. tell them everything you want to do nasty, sexual things with them (my two girlfriends right now loved it)
3. line your bedroom with rose petals.
4. shut the plantation blinds.
5. oil em up. make the skin soft and silky.
6. shove your rod into one and switch to the other when you get tired.
7. scream their name as you cream onto your racecar sheets. JILL!!! JILL!!!
best part is they'll never leave you again and neither one is jealous of the other. and they'll even wipe your ass if you want them to! best. threesome. ever.
2. tell them everything you want to do nasty, sexual things with them (my two girlfriends right now loved it)
3. line your bedroom with rose petals.
4. shut the plantation blinds.
5. oil em up. make the skin soft and silky.
6. shove your rod into one and switch to the other when you get tired.
7. scream their name as you cream onto your racecar sheets. JILL!!! JILL!!!
best part is they'll never leave you again and neither one is jealous of the other. and they'll even wipe your ass if you want them to! best. threesome. ever.
Reply
debbster7
| 18
There is just so much wrong with your comment, 52... It's a blasphemy.
Reply
flockz
| 19
thanks :) you sound like a fun person.
Reply
GirlOnFire143
| 6
Two girlfriends, eh? Classsay.
(hope you got that hint of sarcasm)
(hope you got that hint of sarcasm)
Reply
taco_bender
| 12
Well if his right hands called Jill he might be telling the truth.
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GirlOnFire143
| 6
ROFL, taco_bender... :P
Reply
GetDirtyDoWork
| 1
Lol #52 What in the fuck did i just read
Reply
ss_20_xx
| 14
52, are you sure you're talking about actual girls or those real-life $10000 dolls?
Reply
Krysk_fml
| 0
Screw a girlfriend, where can I get a Perdix tribute poster?
Reply
WitchyArmyWife00
| 0
Get naked
Pour a bucket of glitter all over yourself
Stand in the sunshine and the girls will come running
Pour a bucket of glitter all over yourself
Stand in the sunshine and the girls will come running
Reply
Devin91
| 20
52 that's creepy
Reply
forever_born
| 6
Cause they no like us! :...(
By
Devin91
| 20
He's a dick, you can do better then that he's not worth it if he can't be a man and tell you the truth and how he's really feeling.
Reply
Trisha_aus
| 15
You are missing a head, sir
Reply
Devin91
| 20
At number 24: read my profile and you'll understand why.
Reply
laden_swallow09
| 34
This is FML, not a dating site.
Reply
challan
| 19
But 49... I'm attracted to your pink fuzzy skin, and FML stands for Future My Lovers
Reply
bizarre_ftw
| 21
*future made-up lovers/future MMS lovers
Or, if you choose to meet up with them, what 54 said/rape
Or, if you choose to meet up with them, what 54 said/rape
Reply
ImTheAlpha
| 30
Devin, where's your shirt?!?! I'll help you find it!!
Reply
taylorrbaby333
| 6
Tool.
Reply
mhopper
| 13
Am I the only girl enjoying the ridges and grooves of his eight pack? ^_^
Reply
MyChemicalSmosh
| 4
#112 Probably, I prefer cute cuddly boys, meaning, still has a bit of baby fat even at 14.
Reply
challan
| 19
112 of course not, I'm just assuming he's gay.
Reply
Jumpingmal2
| 7
I got the best kind of abs... FLABS
I'm sexy and i know it
I'm sexy and i know it
Reply
Devin91
| 20
128 thanks for assuming but I'm not gay.
By
JeanVaJean
| 6
Yeah, he probably mixed between you and some other girl he "knows" ( apparently, he "knows" a lot of girls ) You're absolutely better without him, OP.
Reply
CaramelMacchiato
| 13
Exactly! :) That's why he's her EX; because he's an EXample of who you shouldn't date.
By
Hed_Hunter
| 2
No top comment? Heres my chance... Hello
By
Skittles_Rawr
| 8
Ouch. That sucks bro...
Reply
Trisha_aus
| 15
No shit, bro
Reply
dcg1375
| 7
Seriously, bro
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funnynesh
| 10
13- you mad bro?
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nrr13145768
| 13
Bra** she is a girl
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DynamicDave
| 11
Mansiere!
Reply
Skittles_Rawr
| 8
you people have issues.
By
Trisha_aus
| 15
And you still want to be with this bloke? Dump him, find yourself a gentleman
Reply
iloveursister
| 4
Well she cant really dump him because he kind of beat her to it
Reply
GothicAngel17
| 24
Find a gentleman? In this day and age? You're dreamin'.
Reply
Mariebaz
| 11
Actually, you can find a gentleman; but only if you yourself are a lady.
Reply
GothicAngel17
| 24
Not where I'm from!
Reply
Trisha_aus
| 15
Where are you from? And don't say the usual - America, where you can only find McCrap munchers...I'm sure there are lovely blokes..you just have to find one, that will take time and a few heartbreaks and you may find yourself eating ice cream and, listening to Adele but you'll get there..good luck
Reply
mhopper
| 13
Gothicangel17, was that last FML about the baby/fart you?! :)
Reply
GothicAngel17
| 24
113, most the men in QLD a far from gentlemanly. I'm engaged, but my fiancé is far from being a gentleman, just like most other males I've met who aren't older.
Reply
Trisha_aus
| 15
118- move to Victoria!
Reply
GothicAngel17
| 24
But it's coooooold there D: