Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my...

By Peter C. - 22/1/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33124

You deserved it

10368

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Work name

The opposite of a good idea

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By Chicagoillinois - 3/1/2015 21:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33638

You deserved it

2875

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47463

You deserved it

8199

Favorite

By suze44 - 13/6/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44697

You deserved it

5255

Favorite

By Luke - 7/11/2011 14:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18322

You deserved it

36258

Favorite

By lotrgeek - 13/2/2012 13:37 - Canada

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38009

You deserved it

6972

Favorite

By Diana - 5/7/2018 01:30

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4717

You deserved it

345

Favorite

By pissedoff - 28/6/2016 11:53 - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13764

You deserved it

1319

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/11/2018 05:00

Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3646

You deserved it

332

Favorite

By counselor - 25/8/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31141

You deserved it

9029

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/6/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26520

You deserved it

10283

Favorite

By whyme102008 - 13/7/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

151257

You deserved it

8609

Favorite

By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/6/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By Ryan - 7/2/2010 14:18 - France

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38347

You deserved it

4016

Favorite

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2947

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By Kristen Duncan - 1/8/2017 20:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4429

You deserved it

396

Favorite

By Kirstie Campbell - 8/6/2020 08:08

Ups and downs

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1372

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 00:33 - United Kingdom - Knowle

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29307

You deserved it

6708

Favorite

By liz - 21/6/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44089

You deserved it

15127

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 14:31 - Denmark

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35583

You deserved it

9760

Favorite

By scfead - 14/8/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39276

You deserved it

16049

Favorite

By JC - 26/3/2012 20:56 - United States - Villa Ridge

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27356

You deserved it

5998

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 08:13 - United States - Seaside

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34936

You deserved it

8613

Favorite

By Mel Cluze - 22/10/2019 16:00

Fire!

Today, my girlfriend and I were spending the night at a hotel. We were awoken at 3 a.m. by the fire alarm. We quickly got dressed, went down the stairs to the reception area… and were told that it was a false alarm. All because some jerk lit a cigarette in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1455

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By mah - 16/1/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, while getting gas, a hottie pulled-up to the pump next to me. I finished filling my tank and started to drive away. As I was checking her out and paying no attention to my driving, I ended up taking the front bumper off her car with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6018

You deserved it

40062

Favorite

By isoheartcaitlin - 25/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38274

You deserved it

6143

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/7/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26395

You deserved it

2370

Favorite

By Mack - 31/8/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28496

You deserved it

8357

Favorite

By lonesome - 28/4/2013 05:23 - Canada

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49450

You deserved it

3394

Favorite

By Sleep. - 27/11/2014 07:06 - United States - Imperial

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34368

You deserved it

2732

Favorite

By badhabit - 31/5/2019 22:00

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1699

You deserved it

1437

Favorite

By FailureAtLife121 - 27/6/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10108

You deserved it

52076

Favorite

By ewewew - 24/9/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54291

You deserved it

4739

Favorite

By Kali - 4/3/2015 00:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31015

You deserved it

2272

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/3/2013 16:14 - United States - New York

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17867

You deserved it

43981

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2017 03:29 - United Kingdom

Love Hurts

Today, I learned that one of my friends is in love with me. How did I find out? A punch to the face from the boy she's supposed to be in a relationship with, for "coaxing her away" from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3702

You deserved it

226

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 09:27 - United States

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73982

You deserved it

4519

Favorite

By KnightToucan - 21/6/2019 02:09

Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1481

You deserved it

120

Favorite

By pencilring - 4/9/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36603

You deserved it

14254

Favorite

By starcatch777 - 9/5/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35197

You deserved it

7366

Favorite

By curiousminx - 6/12/2016 02:32 - Australia - Morningside

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9845

You deserved it

825

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MrRawwr84 | 0

#1995719 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:43

well stop complaining and lose weight if you dont like your weight... god its not like its impossible for you to hit the tredmil TAKE ACTION

By masterchief113 | 0

#1995684 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:29

ydi for being fat

Comments

By NuyoRicanGirl | 3

#1995635 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:14

that sucks op =( sorry

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#1995805 - Saturday 22 January 2011 13:09

Oh dear.... I'm sorry OP

nathan5 | 0

#1995904 - Saturday 22 January 2011 14:08

Why are you all sorry? Did you make OP fat?

sux2beU | 0

#1997370 - Saturday 22 January 2011 22:27

Exactly! No sympathy for fatties.

talktomandybaby | 8

#1998244 - Sunday 23 January 2011 4:17

maybe they have an eating disorder?thats rude

SpRiTzSpLaSh | 7

#2000097 - Sunday 23 January 2011 18:18

HAHA .

iMightBeYourDad | 4

#4205636 - Friday 23 March 2012 16:23

How the hell can you assholes say shit like its her fault for being fat? Since when was being large a bad thing? Bigger people are usually more attractive than skinny girls.

By alicianoar | 7

#1995643 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:15

shaaaaaaaame!

MizzouFan_fml | 2

#1995794 - Saturday 22 January 2011 13:05

nice photo

iliketurdles | 7

#1995808 - Saturday 22 January 2011 13:10

lolwut? tah iz dizguhstin
itz 2 icky

fuk u gramma nazis. bring it!!!!11one

brainstew0 | 0

#1996696 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:52

should you really mention shame with that pic???

By Swedish81 | 0

#1995647 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:16

Then lose some weight and don't come here to moan about it. At the end of the day your the one stuffing your face.

alicianoar | 7

#1995656 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:19

Win. Your picture is also win.

Swedish81 | 0

#2000086 - Sunday 23 January 2011 18:10

There daring shorts!

talktomandybaby | 8

#2000119 - Sunday 23 January 2011 18:41

4- and your picture isnt a win(:

iceprice | 7

#3774742 - Friday 23 December 2011 7:24

What the hell do you think the FML app is and for???????

By davidjr_saldana | 0

#1995659 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:19

go on a twinkieless diet fatass

steeledwolf | 8

#1995708 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:37

agreed

By LadyClarik | 8

#1995660 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:20

How is this a FML? Either A) You are fat (which you were probably already aware of) or B) That particular app sucks. In which case who the fuck cares?