Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my...

By Peter C. - 22/1/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

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33142

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Miscellaneous

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Race against the clock

KoBabe

By roommateprobssss:( - 11/12/2012 15:57 - United States

Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26176

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2626

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By violetbcracecar - 14/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Suisun City

Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8497

You deserved it

920

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By njh - 27/3/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32177

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3569

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 23:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Moving on

Today, I saw yet another dear friend from uni get married, living the good life in their new home. Here am I in my 30s, with no love life, and feeling like that's never going to be for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

854

You deserved it

206

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By uselessdad - 7/9/2010 23:48 - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

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58891

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8494

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By Anonynonynon - 13/2/2015 19:05 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31672

You deserved it

2405

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2013 20:27 - United States

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55010

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5276

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By cuppincake - 15/1/2010 07:51 - Australia

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47091

You deserved it

3466

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By vsshopper - 22/2/2012 19:21 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend of two years. I realized I was going to be late for work, so I asked him to hand me my underwear. I had never seen the underwear he gave me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42962

You deserved it

3844

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By Jackal - 20/8/2019 12:00 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I found out the time I'd requested off for a trip in 2 months, that my boss said that I could go on, wasn't fully processed, just in case he decided I couldn't go. He told me the second part after I'd bought no refund tickets for shows for both me and my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1661

You deserved it

127

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 23:02 - United States

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11018

You deserved it

81064

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By xmassmasher - 2/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Ruston

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32698

You deserved it

4579

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By lance - 12/3/2010 12:10 - Canada

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24201

You deserved it

2450

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32316

You deserved it

2094

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By Hungrey - 29/5/2012 01:38 - United States

Today, I admitted to my parents that I have an eating disorder. Instead of trying to help, my mom stared at me and said, "Duh". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26488

You deserved it

4362

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By EK - 16/2/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42826

You deserved it

7790

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By ang3l4 - 21/9/2016 05:28 - United States - Redding

Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML

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12417

You deserved it

1197

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By Aryah - 17/12/2016 16:43 - United States - Irving

Today, I found out why the temps were not invited to the company Christmas party. The company paid for the regular employees to go to a nice restaurant, gave them nice presents, and handed out substantial bonuses. They keep telling me they can't hire me on because the company can't afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7209

You deserved it

785

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27852

You deserved it

5292

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By counterproductive - 21/9/2020 11:01 - United States

Intense

Today, after I'd finally decided to see a doctor about my anxiety and insomnia, I was so nervous about what the doctor would think of me that I had anxiety attacks that kept me from sleeping a wink all night. I ended up oversleeping and missing the appointment I was so nervous about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1223

You deserved it

180

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By katiebell - 4/10/2019 12:00

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1328

You deserved it

205

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By Crap - 12/4/2016 16:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19725

You deserved it

2914

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By Alex Kiwi - 2/4/2020 20:00

Preemptive strike

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1408

You deserved it

320

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By ihatelaura - 15/5/2010 23:47 - United States

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32021

You deserved it

5550

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By Username - 1/9/2010 00:35 - France

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30621

You deserved it

9975

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By Duchess - 20/1/2017 12:00

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7375

You deserved it

692

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By Noname - 15/3/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21078

You deserved it

78963

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By Damn - 6/12/2016 20:12

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7974

You deserved it

1969

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By kiki - 24/2/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13345

You deserved it

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By Aerostar - 16/6/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16157

You deserved it

69369

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44372

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2016 19:00 - United States - Royersford

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17202

You deserved it

5692

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By will - 14/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

190

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By Quortney - 22/7/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27497

You deserved it

3044

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By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - 18/10/2013 22:12 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42931

You deserved it

3482

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 07:48 - Australia

Today, I awkwardly had to comfort my 32 year old friend when he broke down crying in the middle of a crowded McDonald's. Apparently they no longer serve barbecue bacon cheeseburgers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32932

You deserved it

3725

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4299

You deserved it

644

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By Joshtodon - 21/8/2018 22:00

All in a day's work!

Today, I was unloading tile boxes out of my pickup truck into this lady's garage. As I grabbed the last 50-pound box, a passing bird shat on my forehead. Green ooze ran down my whole face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2709

You deserved it

156

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25690

You deserved it

3384

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By OkieThePokie - 7/8/2017 13:00

Today, I found out that my unborn son has an abnormally large head. I have an abnormally small and narrow pelvis, and I'm allergic to local anesthetic, so no epidural or spinal for me! FML

I agree, your life sucks

4988

You deserved it

409

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Top comments

By MrRawwr84 | 0

#1995719 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:43

well stop complaining and lose weight if you dont like your weight... god its not like its impossible for you to hit the tredmil TAKE ACTION

By masterchief113 | 0

#1995684 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:29

ydi for being fat

COMMENTS

By NuyoRicanGirl | 3

#1995635 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:14

that sucks op =( sorry

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#1995805 - Saturday 22 January 2011 13:09

Oh dear.... I'm sorry OP

nathan5 | 0

#1995904 - Saturday 22 January 2011 14:08

Why are you all sorry? Did you make OP fat?

sux2beU | 0

#1997370 - Saturday 22 January 2011 22:27

Exactly! No sympathy for fatties.

talktomandybaby | 8

#1998244 - Sunday 23 January 2011 4:17

maybe they have an eating disorder?thats rude

SpRiTzSpLaSh | 7

#2000097 - Sunday 23 January 2011 18:18

HAHA .

iMightBeYourDad | 4

#4205636 - Friday 23 March 2012 16:23

How the hell can you assholes say shit like its her fault for being fat? Since when was being large a bad thing? Bigger people are usually more attractive than skinny girls.

By alicianoar | 7

#1995643 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:15

shaaaaaaaame!

MizzouFan_fml | 2

#1995794 - Saturday 22 January 2011 13:05

nice photo

iliketurdles | 7

#1995808 - Saturday 22 January 2011 13:10

lolwut? tah iz dizguhstin
itz 2 icky

fuk u gramma nazis. bring it!!!!11one

brainstew0 | 0

#1996696 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:52

should you really mention shame with that pic???

By Swedish81 | 0

#1995647 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:16

Then lose some weight and don't come here to moan about it. At the end of the day your the one stuffing your face.

alicianoar | 7

#1995656 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:19

Win. Your picture is also win.

Swedish81 | 0

#2000086 - Sunday 23 January 2011 18:10

There daring shorts!

talktomandybaby | 8

#2000119 - Sunday 23 January 2011 18:41

4- and your picture isnt a win(:

iceprice | 7

#3774742 - Friday 23 December 2011 7:24

What the hell do you think the FML app is and for???????

By davidjr_saldana | 0

#1995659 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:19

go on a twinkieless diet fatass

steeledwolf | 8

#1995708 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:37

agreed

By LadyClarik | 8

#1995660 - Saturday 22 January 2011 12:20

How is this a FML? Either A) You are fat (which you were probably already aware of) or B) That particular app sucks. In which case who the fuck cares?