Valentine's slay, Successful breakups and Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance"...

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 6 272

Valentine's slay Successful breakups Love

Hiding from the drama

Best teeth in the game

Not having a good time, really

By rhcpgurl - 23/07/2015 15:07 - United States - San Jose

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 763

You deserved it 2 648

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

By opposites don’t attract - 16/09/2020 11:03 - United States

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 321

By UN4 - 27/05/2015 16:25 - United States

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 3 390

By Leo_RxXx - 26/05/2009 12:18 - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 073

You deserved it 21 491

By "Tick" - 12/04/2019 16:00

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 129

By Sammijane58 - 31/07/2019 14:00

Today, I watched my best friend get married. I then watched her completely ignore my maid of honor speech, because she was messing with the lights behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 209

By Fauxgeek - 28/06/2016 01:29

Today, my 84-year-old grandmother taught me a keyboard shortcut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 309

You deserved it 3 360

By Jackie - 18/09/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I finally told my fiancé about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someone who isn't "pure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 575

You deserved it 4 875

By dj163 - 16/09/2009 08:25 - Australia

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 879

You deserved it 3 434

By ohhotdamn - 19/04/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 693

You deserved it 5 707

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 086

You deserved it 4 650

You're just saying that…

By Akwa - 18/11/2020 14:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother and I got complimented on how we look alike. She's a German blonde and I was adopted from Vietnam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 92

By deli Shoppe - 27/06/2012 04:39 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 354

You deserved it 38 430

By brhorton02 - 06/04/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 435

You deserved it 166 332

You ass!

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 14:00

Today, my jerk of an ex messaged to apologize for dumping me two weeks ago. I took the high road and was overtly polite and friendly, hoping to end things civil. Our conversation ended when he casually mentioned he is moving in with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 188

Alexa, put on "Trust" by Low

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 08:01

Today, the first guy I have dated, and have had a serious relationship with after my divorce, is spending the night with his ex-girlfriend. And I'm supposed to be ok with it, “nothing's going to happen.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 552

You deserved it 18 583

By readytomingle - 15/07/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 066

You deserved it 42 296

By titkip - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 697

You deserved it 9 483

By macguy - 20/10/2016 14:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 112

You deserved it 996

By Anonymous - 01/10/2015 06:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my friend to come sit next to me in class. I pulled out the chair next to me. Coincidentally, she started to sit at that same moment. Now both she and my teacher are convinced I did it on purpose, and they want to have a talk with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 355

You deserved it 2 411

By anon - 31/10/2012 04:22 - United States - Medford

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 686

You deserved it 3 155

By ihateithere - 25/03/2019 20:00

Today, I had to decide between buying medicine and buying food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 586

You deserved it 210

By Old? - 14/01/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 670

You deserved it 2 233

By B - 18/12/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 296

You deserved it 4 645

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 749

You deserved it 3 258

By Jessica - 19/10/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 080

You deserved it 2 134

By kelly.duggan - 21/04/2014 04:03 - Canada - Carleton Place

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 595

You deserved it 11 780

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 15:46 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 509

You deserved it 2 964

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 03:01 - United Kingdom

Today, for reasons that I dare not ask, I received a topless selfie from my Nan followed quickly by a simple sorry text. Sorry is not going to pay for the years of therapy I need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 682

You deserved it 2 659

By LT - 07/08/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, the car I was in got pulled over by the police for making an illegal turn. I was in a cab. And he kept the meter running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 676

You deserved it 2 960

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 210

You deserved it 4 783

By 1 Giant Cupcake - 07/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 740

You deserved it 40 536

What's the time, please?

By ThreeHoursEarly - 24/01/2020 01:00

Today, I was told to be present for a meeting that started at 5pm. I arrived 15 minutes early, and I was late for the meeting. This happens regularly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 271

By Claire - 19/01/2013 13:51 - United States - Parkville

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 146

You deserved it 7 240

By hejdixjeln - 17/03/2013 10:25 - United States - Evanston

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 932

You deserved it 7 511

By fme - 27/01/2018 15:00

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 651

You deserved it 334

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 15:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 213

By jessiejaybee - 18/11/2014 10:41 - United States

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 504

You deserved it 3 700

By lauramarie - 23/07/2011 14:18 - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 491

You deserved it 15 555

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Top comments

DesiLikesHerSome 1

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:48

He's not worth it.

mom2pen 4

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:56

And you'll give him another chance when they sell ice water in hell.

DesiLikesHerSome 1

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:48

He's not worth it.

princessbits 17

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:20

You're ex-boyfriend sounds like a douche

Brooksyp88 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:24

I think he just doesn't want to buy you presents.

Damn_Hippster 11

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:36

Just in time fir steak and blow job day! (march 14)

Damn_Hippster 11

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:39

30- you illiterate bastard, I do believe you meant for... Not fir.

Renesaga 8

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Sunday 25 December 2011 2:22

Thank you, 19, for that brilliant observation. In other news, the sky is blue.

GriffithsGirl95 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 3:01

Wow that's not a true boyfriend; this will just keep yapping and it's not right, he is playing head games and needs to get a life before deserving someone like you.

drooller 9

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Sunday 25 December 2011 9:32

Nice one :D

rallets 22

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Sunday 25 December 2011 10:01

genius idea, no gifts, no worry but what about your birthday?

tatababe 1

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:40

Kick his cheap ass

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Monday 26 December 2011 6:26

tool

B0NER 2

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:50

Man with his priorities straight

derpster 7

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:14

or maybe his priorities are homosexual.

Derpstra 3

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Sunday 25 December 2011 3:19

Derpster has an awesome name.

derpster 7

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Sunday 25 December 2011 6:20

64 are you my soulmate?

Jaxx66 21

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Sunday 25 December 2011 18:29

I put my hand up on your hip. When I herp, you derp, we derp! >_> sorry. Came to mind, had to share.

derpster 7

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Monday 26 December 2011 9:19

you guys are making me derp with herping happiness.

Artz94_fml 16

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:52

He is ridiculous !

graham11 14

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Sunday 25 December 2011 3:08

40- hell no. Ridiculously selfish!

graham11 14

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Sunday 25 December 2011 5:09

61- sushi or oysters?

graham11 14

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Sunday 25 December 2011 5:36

90- fuck YES

flockz 19

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Sunday 25 December 2011 6:22

my mom packs that in my lunch everyday.

Kefka91 15

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Sunday 25 December 2011 7:39

Yum... Cyanide...

graham11 14

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Sunday 25 December 2011 14:07

111- I prefer a mercury- based sauce.

tylersign 11

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

TXjuggalo972 6

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:13

If I loved a girl I would spend every penny I got (with the exeption of the money for bills) on her

yetanotherginger 19

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:25

then how would you save for a future together?

Cheergal910 15

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Sunday 25 December 2011 3:28

The amount shouldnt matter. If what I got for christmas from my BF was a card saying "I love you" I'd be perfectly happy. (:

teddy4nyy 13

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Sunday 25 December 2011 3:59

65 don't give him any ideas

mrsayuso 0

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Monday 26 December 2011 0:51

Quick some one grab my epi pen, apparently number 16 did not realize I was allergic to bullshit.

I_Bite 22

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Monday 31 August 2015 15:20

I'd rather buy a $5 pizza and have a picnic on the lounge room floor watching a movie for Valentines day :) If you really love someone you don't need the expensive gifts, you just need to spend time together :)

SailorSolaris 43

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Monday 14 May 2018 12:46

I quite agree. I prefer small, well thought out gifts, or something handmade, over something really expensive.

SailorSolaris 43

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Monday 14 May 2018 12:47

I quite agree. I prefer small, well thought out gifts, or something handmade, over something really expensive.

crchara 3

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:55

that's fucked up

mom2pen 4

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:56

And you'll give him another chance when they sell ice water in hell.

TheClumsiest 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 9:56

um, what exactly is your profile pic?

angeljewlz 7

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Sunday 25 December 2011 21:22

I think it's a pig with wings.... OP that sucks, but hopefully you're not really high-maintenance, that you expect to be showered in jewelry just because you were in a relationship.

broski4life 0

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Friday 30 December 2011 19:45

Isn't there a cold level of hell?

eatsleepjb 8

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:56

I hope you don't give him another chance after valentines day because he sounds like a douche

graham11 14

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Sunday 25 December 2011 5:11

OP needs a better valentine!! *accepting applications bow*

drunkandfml 11

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Wednesday 11 July 2012 11:28

Kick his ass on Valentines Day

Buttsexpirate 9

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:58

Shouldn't have asked for that extra kiss. Threw his whole budget out of wack. If need be I'll give him a surprise for ya OP just lead him to my ship.

FelixVC1 21

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Sunday 25 December 2011 0:58

Well, it doesn't cost a lot to get a little something, just goes to show he's a douche really. Move on and find someone else!

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 25 December 2011 1:01

I told Every1luvsboners the same thing when he asked me for the Anal Intruder 5000 with the optional Extra Large Fist. Who the hell do you think you are?!