Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over...

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

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39292

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Love

White line fever

RIP in peace

Where are you?

By Vee - United States

Beast Mode

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

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3112

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By why - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

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31628

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By wowthanksworld - United States

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

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37845

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By yournick - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

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41103

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By Venus - United States - La Crescenta

Today, upon being asked to name all the planets, I had to sing along to a Lady Gaga song in my head to remember them. FML

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32173

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By Anonymous - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

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37970

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By ch,nlv

Today, my husband and I did artificial insemination. At the hospital, they mixed up the sperm and didn't realize until it was too late. I'm now pregnant with a stranger's baby. FML

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6239

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By ugh - United States - Antioch

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

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39130

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By Kere - Sweden

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

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35709

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By Peppermint - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

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23291

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By bestbirthdayever - United States

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

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37643

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By kill me now

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

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5131

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

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34618

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By shylahrc - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

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43082

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By Mug - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

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28614

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2020 02:02

Heartbreaking

Today, I ran into a childhood friend for the first time in years. It turned out her mother died of COVID a few days ago. It was heartbreaking to see her close to tears all the time we talked, but due to distancing I couldn't even hug her to make her feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1211

You deserved it

103

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By Anonymous - Bangladesh - Dhaka

Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML

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49622

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By imagrouch - United States - Slippery Rock

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

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43279

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By michael

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

474

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2731

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By speechless - United States - Mitchell

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

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55968

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By aaalias34 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

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29911

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By notworthy - New Zealand

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

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26130

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

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27832

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By Single4Life - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39778

You deserved it

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By blinkme - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

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40594

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By konacoffee17 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

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33570

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By LucidNightmare - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

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35658

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

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44936

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML

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45613

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By LynnJ - Canada

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

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33192

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6918

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By FMluck - United States

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML

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21466

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

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37634

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I woke up from surgery to find that the chronic warts on my right hand hadn't been removed. The doctor informed me that they'd grown into my radial nerve, so impossible to remove without permanent paralysis. My immune system sucks, so this is just in my hand forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3791

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226

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By dream_girl_3 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

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8607

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By likesboys - Canada

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

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36854

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4956

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By whitneyy - Australia

Today, I went to my grandfathers' funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting, instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47036

You deserved it

3256

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By LuvShawn - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

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25314

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By Anonymouse - United States

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

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34511

You deserved it

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By Ob3nie - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

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34598

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - York

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

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Top comments

By wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1861674 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:51

that must hurt

By CoonAndFriends | 0

#1861736 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:01

He wanted to bang, that's all.(:

COMMENTS

By wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1861674 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:51

that must hurt

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1862133 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:39

Nah, pretty sure she enjoyed it so much that she accidentally put it on FML.

ProfessorOakkk | 0

#1862512 - Saturday 18 December 2010 21:16

I lol'd.. :$

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1864085 - Sunday 19 December 2010 4:52

#49 I did to! :) lol I feel a little bit fucked up after laughing tho.

riseagainst8767x | 0

#1864661 - Sunday 19 December 2010 8:23

49-Toronto represent!

By toyotasmash | 0

#1861676 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:52

that takes practice

By TerrorDollie | 0

#1861678 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:52

WTF,, that's like abuse.

nathan5 | 0

#1861834 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:24

I agree. That is LIKE, TOTALLY LIKE abuse!

Judus_beej | 0

#1862045 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:19

like totally and some junk!

mountneer | 0

#1862311 - Saturday 18 December 2010 18:42

fer shure or something.

ThoraxeTheImpale_fml | 0

#1862436 - Saturday 18 December 2010 20:19

that's not abuse! that's foreplay!

frear | 0

#1862965 - Saturday 18 December 2010 23:53

you look amazing lol

By Rawaha | 0

#1861684 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:53

wtf i would have slapped him!!!!

FML858 | 0

#1861984 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:05

she was too fucked up to slap him

By marditaloka | 0

#1861703 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:56

LMFAO! that's too funny (:

iliketurdles | 7

#1862351 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:28

so Domestic Violence is your thing?

roeallen | 11

#1862359 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:36

He should dump the OP and go out with her. them he would be able to smack her against all sorts of things.

mikepzz | 27

#6202716 - Saturday 14 February 2015 22:53

This is actually the first fml I've read that made me laugh out loud.

By Bklyntea | 3

#1861709 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

thought that shit only happened in tv ...rotflmao classic!

By macskapingvin | 0

#1861717 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

Is your boyfriend Buster Keaton? :D

perdix | 29

#1861807 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:19

No, Buster Hymen.

djmigues | 7

#1861844 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:25

perdix, lmfao.

meganasoarus | 0

#1862034 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:14

hahahahaha you've outdone yourself with this one, per

By TheLetterZero | 7

#1861731 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:01

Ah, if only he did it again to see what that second noise was.

Ninjafriends | 1

#1862273 - Saturday 18 December 2010 18:22

Or if he did it nonstop in an endless cycle... bang, swivel, bang, swivel, bang, swivel, bang... until OP was a goner.

riseagainst8767x | 0

#1864677 - Sunday 19 December 2010 8:25

lol @ ninjafriends

By CoonAndFriends | 0

#1861736 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:01

He wanted to bang, that's all.(:

By Doortje | 28

#1861746 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:04

He sounds like a real Einstein.

ChibiGirl5 | 0

#1862373 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:46

Lmfao that's epic!!!

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1863753 - Sunday 19 December 2010 3:26

20, nice

TheNinjaBuffalo | 0

#1864177 - Sunday 19 December 2010 5:27

20, I just died laughing lmao xD