Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over...

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39307

You deserved it

4452

Favorite

Love

Our house, in the middle of our street

Smart

Stuck

By fail - United States

Today, I worked a car wash as a fundraiser. Being nice I figured I'd bring my car, get it washed, and donate some money. When it was my car's turn to be washed, everyone was conveniently busy washing other cars. My car was in front and needed to be washed and moved. I paid $10 to wash my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47575

You deserved it

11385

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35608

You deserved it

4614

Favorite

By HAIRY - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was hanging out with some of my friends when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found that they had shaved the F word into my arm. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that this is what my friends do for fun, or that I have enough arm hair to have four letters shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24039

You deserved it

4408

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my mom called me to tell me she'd got in touch with my ex for his birthday, and that the two of them had made a plan for us to get back together. My new boyfriend was in the process of proposing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2108

You deserved it

128

Favorite

By djshahso - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7645

You deserved it

46783

Favorite

By Princess ?

Buzzing the tower

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

You deserved it

244

Favorite

By shaggyberaddy

Christmas Chaos

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3446

You deserved it

845

Favorite

By Dean Heffern

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32952

You deserved it

4087

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19125

You deserved it

34503

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Milton

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35079

You deserved it

2650

Favorite

By badmombadkids - 24/5/2020 02:00

Assholes, assholes everywhere

Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2184

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By sweet_stufz - Canada

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18599

You deserved it

38711

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 20:01 - Germany - Hörth

No justice

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1212

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By BirthdayTeeth - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54925

You deserved it

4234

Favorite

By theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42365

You deserved it

4608

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38065

You deserved it

3930

Favorite

By Sleepy head - United States

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55610

You deserved it

14973

Favorite

By sigh - United States - Frederick

Today, I was cleaning up litter from the street, when a guy asked who I work for. I said nobody and that I was just doing some community service. Before I could clarify that it was voluntary community service, he called me a "piece of shit delinquent", spat on me, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44954

You deserved it

3313

Favorite

By Roomie pay rent plz - United States - Hicksville

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19342

You deserved it

1293

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:02 - Canada - Courtenay

Supply and demand

Today, I spotted my dad watching a wildlife/nature video. I pointed out to him that the animal on the screen was critically endangered; he rebutted by telling me that it's impossible for the animal on the screen to go extinct because people keep hunting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

820

You deserved it

Favorite

By dotcomboy - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12922

You deserved it

78684

Favorite

By VaveJessop

Torn

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1737

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Kasnt - United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31442

You deserved it

8184

Favorite

By kayla53 - United States - Elmer

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

I agree, your life sucks

30012

You deserved it

2120

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33479

You deserved it

4067

Favorite

By shatMyself - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52376

You deserved it

3406

Favorite

By HereForJAMMF

Today, I've actually developed a crush on a guy I never intended to crush on, and also can't have. For one he's married and utterly devoted to his wife. And even if that weren't true, he's so far out of my league I need binoculars to see him. And to top it all of? He's fictional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8327

You deserved it

6171

Favorite

By purged - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45988

You deserved it

8625

Favorite

By rydawg79 - United States

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11039

You deserved it

64681

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24820

You deserved it

2281

Favorite

By Anon. - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15588

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2335

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that the airhead sitting next to me at work who can't get anything done on her own, makes more money than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1881

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By Anon - New Zealand

Today, I was fired by one of my bosses for doing something the other boss told me to do. I work for a family company. Turns out my bosses are going through a divorce and will do anything to prove the other wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37711

You deserved it

1919

Favorite

By natalieeee - United States

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15848

You deserved it

61926

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41912

You deserved it

2766

Favorite

By lucywatson - United Kingdom

Today, working as a veterinarian, I received a complaint from a client. He said I sucked at my job, purely because I implied he should have brought his severely ill cat in a lot sooner. Which he should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14250

You deserved it

862

Favorite

By Ser17 - United States

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33852

You deserved it

5882

Favorite

By thermos - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19110

You deserved it

53064

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to lose weight. It probably would've had more impact if they hadn't done this over video chat while stuffing their faces at an all-you-can-eat buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9431

You deserved it

771

Favorite

By ohhhman - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19659

You deserved it

58045

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1861674 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:51

that must hurt

By CoonAndFriends | 0

#1861736 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:01

He wanted to bang, that's all.(:

COMMENTS

By wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1861674 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:51

that must hurt

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1862133 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:39

Nah, pretty sure she enjoyed it so much that she accidentally put it on FML.

ProfessorOakkk | 0

#1862512 - Saturday 18 December 2010 21:16

I lol'd.. :$

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1864085 - Sunday 19 December 2010 4:52

#49 I did to! :) lol I feel a little bit fucked up after laughing tho.

riseagainst8767x | 0

#1864661 - Sunday 19 December 2010 8:23

49-Toronto represent!

By toyotasmash | 0

#1861676 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:52

that takes practice

By TerrorDollie | 0

#1861678 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:52

WTF,, that's like abuse.

nathan5 | 0

#1861834 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:24

I agree. That is LIKE, TOTALLY LIKE abuse!

Judus_beej | 0

#1862045 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:19

like totally and some junk!

mountneer | 0

#1862311 - Saturday 18 December 2010 18:42

fer shure or something.

ThoraxeTheImpale_fml | 0

#1862436 - Saturday 18 December 2010 20:19

that's not abuse! that's foreplay!

frear | 0

#1862965 - Saturday 18 December 2010 23:53

you look amazing lol

By Rawaha | 0

#1861684 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:53

wtf i would have slapped him!!!!

FML858 | 0

#1861984 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:05

she was too fucked up to slap him

By marditaloka | 0

#1861703 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:56

LMFAO! that's too funny (:

iliketurdles | 7

#1862351 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:28

so Domestic Violence is your thing?

roeallen | 11

#1862359 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:36

He should dump the OP and go out with her. them he would be able to smack her against all sorts of things.

mikepzz | 27

#6202716 - Saturday 14 February 2015 22:53

This is actually the first fml I've read that made me laugh out loud.

By Bklyntea | 3

#1861709 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

thought that shit only happened in tv ...rotflmao classic!

By macskapingvin | 0

#1861717 - Saturday 18 December 2010 15:58

Is your boyfriend Buster Keaton? :D

perdix | 29

#1861807 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:19

No, Buster Hymen.

djmigues | 7

#1861844 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:25

perdix, lmfao.

meganasoarus | 0

#1862034 - Saturday 18 December 2010 17:14

hahahahaha you've outdone yourself with this one, per

By TheLetterZero | 7

#1861731 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:01

Ah, if only he did it again to see what that second noise was.

Ninjafriends | 1

#1862273 - Saturday 18 December 2010 18:22

Or if he did it nonstop in an endless cycle... bang, swivel, bang, swivel, bang, swivel, bang... until OP was a goner.

riseagainst8767x | 0

#1864677 - Sunday 19 December 2010 8:25

lol @ ninjafriends

By CoonAndFriends | 0

#1861736 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:01

He wanted to bang, that's all.(:

By Doortje | 29

#1861746 - Saturday 18 December 2010 16:04

He sounds like a real Einstein.

ChibiGirl5 | 0

#1862373 - Saturday 18 December 2010 19:46

Lmfao that's epic!!!

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1863753 - Sunday 19 December 2010 3:26

20, nice

TheNinjaBuffalo | 0

#1864177 - Sunday 19 December 2010 5:27

20, I just died laughing lmao xD