By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
I agree, your life sucks 26 961
You deserved it 59 126

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Top comments

'Please insert Appendage P into Hole V'.

If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.

Comments

There's always tomorrow!

Keep trying. Practice makes perfect. :)

That's what Google is for!

If you're not old enough to know what happens you're probably not old enough to have sex.

Couldn't agree more.

I would say doesn't matter had sex but....

he's too young for you, sis.

There's always middle school, try leaving elementary first, it might be too early. ^^

I was going to thumb you up Ring13 but....there's 69 thumbs ups. Don't want to ruin that. I'll just leave this here.

thats okay, there's currently 90 thumbs up now. lol

The sex ed scenes in Mean Girls gives a pretty accurate description.

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow smiling at you everyday I love Disney

..... What has this world come to?....

Go on google and search "how to have sex" Everything is in google! Trust!!

276 to be exact

Read this too my boyfriend. His advice to your boyfriend: "you've gotta break her in!"

Exactly!,thats what google it for!, to tell you things you dont know

I def google it,

If you are too stupid to figure it out. Then you shouldn't be allowed to pro create anyway so don't worry.

last I checked, procreate is one word

for humanitys sake i hope there isn't :/ we'll have a generation of people running around missing chromosomes..

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

12:04 so you're saying someone at the age of 12 can have sex? :p lol Jk

People forgot bout porn

There is also always porn?

umm wtf is ur profile pic??

'Please insert Appendage P into Hole V'.

Hahaha nice one!

You stick your McSchmoigity in her Geflaivity and then you gigity, gigity, gigity!

I'm just surprised that he'd never watched five minutes worth of porn. it really doesn't take much to get the idea.

It's not that hard.

Neither was he by the sounds of it.

207- that's what he said! Sorry guys, someone had to do it.

Or .... It's not hard enough.... Lol

Who else but quagmire

#207 At least 50% has to be hard.

It should be- maybe that's why it took so long. It wasn't hard.

3 is my hero!

Possibly the best explanation for beginners.

214-FAIL! It's THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

207 - maybe that's the problem!!

Or maybe he just wasn't hard enough?

Maybe that was the problem

Or hole b or m o_O

I see what you did there (:

This is the fastest and most thumbed up comment I've ever seen. Nice job 3.

Right #405, because that's what most people do the first time they have sex.

Omg.. Penis in vagina

Wow that's two dumbass's that won't procreate, now what to do with the rest...

. . . First lesson of Sex 101

207 i see what you did thier :D

He stuck his thingy in my you know what and I went "Oh oh oh"

We really need to be able to favorite comments, man...

This FML is getting so Many 'thumbed up' comments. Love it!

Or "mr penis, please meet mrs vagina."

if you couldn't find out how to have sex..obviously your too young to have it.

guess it's a good think they can't have offspring if they can't figure out how to perform coitus:P

Well first time lovers have awkwardness and condition I can see why it would be hard

hah, get it? hard?

It's probably for the best.

Dumb people shouldn't breed.

Their prob to young and have no idea what to do…

91 - It's not too difficult.... Just let it come naturally.

It's possible that they aren't that young but they are/were really sheltered. I wish the op would always follow up on their fmls so we could have answers to things like this.

You do need to have sex first for it to "come naturally" tho

183 - Sex should be already programmed into our minds. It's one of our great mindsets... I think.

#210 Now that I think about it, if it's not programmed into our minds, how did cavemen figure it out?

210/333-Being male is the best cuz Sex is all that a guy thinks about

333- the wheel wasn't programed into our minds and we figured that out- just sayin

Yeah, not being intelligent enough to figure out how to reproduce is natural selection at it's finest.

If your age is on the clock your to young

"For cock." You forgot the rest of the rhyme.

Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much......

...or become extremely intoxicated...

what's love got to do with it?

^-got to do with it! Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken!

I think that globally, there was so much of innocent love that they forgot about their genital organs reproductive use.

Love has a lot to do with it... Just the two people normally don't love each other, if you know what I mean. (creepy wink)

It's people like Mr.Wonka over there ( points at #212) who make me feel as though there is still hope for mankind !

You really shouldn't be talking no Offense your only 15

370 stop patronising people and quit acting like you drank from the fountain of wisdom...

211--I thought mimes couldn't talk..err..sing

400- I do believe that that gentleman is not a mime. He is no other than Mr. Willy Wonka.

370; he may be only 15 but he's probably a lot more intelligent than you considering the wording of your comments...

I thought 212's picture was the guy from 'A Clockwork Orange'

Why are you talking? You're only 18

Maybe that's a sign that's telling you its not time.

I call "FAKE AND GAY" on this one.

The only thing that worries me is that they spent time trying to work out how to insert his penis into her. There's a choice of 2/3 ... openings and the third one is not even visible...

More like wait 5-10 years till you hit puberty and are actually old enough to have sex

Agreed. But I was actually wondering, if OP is able to use the Internet to access FML, surely the internet could give fruition to many, many, many, many 'tips' on sex??

They would have probably spent another 30 mins trying to figure out how to put on a condom....

I agree. People now adays treat sex as something casual and it's not

If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.

They are probly 13 year old middle shoolers who want to be the first in their class to give it a go. Probly haven't even had to learn about it in health yet either

It should be self explanatory really, i mean the way we teenagers are these days i feel like OP and boyfriend are secluded from the public

Exactly what I was thinking

I'm 13 and I know what it is and how to do it. (not saying that I did. Im waiting till I'm ready) but seriously age isn't the problem here. It's just stupidity. We watch those scenes In movies and tv shows all the time and yet they still don't know.

But they didn't, did they? -.- why are there soooo many comments

300- OMG really? -.- obvviously they know HOW they're just not ready! Dont take everything so litterarly! That's stupidity ;)

stevenJB 25

Lol. 13year olds? There's 11 year olds getting prego round here

If they couldn't even figure out what to do they obviously weren't going to use birth control which is even stupider.

314-I'm 13 and in 6TH GRADE the puberty movie thingy showed us EVERYTHING and my (thankfully male) 6TH GRADEteacher told us EVERYTHING that the movie didn't; condoms, sex toys, ect. What's your problem?

You know your body is mature enough at 13, but you just don't have the responsibility to handle a child. A 4 and 5 year old had a child once (long ago, in China I think.)

Var AgeA=you age; Var AgeB= his age; var canMakeLove? AgeA>=18&& AgeB>18:ture|false; if( canMakeLove){ Var A= Rod; Var B= Slot; Var timeA=orgasm time; if(var timeB=0;timeB<timeA;timeB++){ Insert A into B; pull out A; } }

That is not physically possible. No female ovulates until at least 7, and then it would either be miscarried or die during birth

Well, then Guinness, news reporters, and video and hospital records are wrong. She was five, she is from Peru, and both child and mother survived. And yes, it can happen, for a variety of reasons, to start early.

How old are you exactly OP, because because if you knew that much about sex you're probably too young, Amish or North Korean

Amish people have sex. Just not with the lights on.

What lights?

They don't have ligths to turn on, though.

North Korean? The fuck are you talking about? They know how to make children.

Common misconception. All North Korean children are born from the divine leader's holy penis tears.

North Korea wouldn't allow their citizens on FML. So we can rule that out.

They reproduce like wabbits. They are a million of asians. There not endangered anymore.

Preteens these days...

Koreans and Asians are two different nationalities.

Amish people don't have computers, so no internet. No internet, no FML

Soo all these comments pretty much answered the is too young.

Or they are north korean that lives in us, or an Amish person who has parents that are separated & one ain't Amish

the Amish don't use any form of technology so there goes that theory don't ya think.

My school taught this to us( we had a lot of pregnant girls)

It's a sign that you weren't supposed to lose it today. Be patient, OP! It will happen! :)

Or it could not!

speaking from experience are we 346?

That's a disgrace considering the easy availability to training videos on the Internet, aka porn.

How learned my basics :D

I am disappointed with myself for thumbing ip your comment, I changed it from 69 :(

I thumbed down to get it back to 69. Not because I didn't like the comment

77- Now look where it's at?

We share the exact same thoughts

He has to stick it into you. If you didnt know that then.... SexEd class for you too.

Stick it exactly where? In the ear?

Only on family guy lol

Does it go in her nose ?

Why should a school have to teach them?

Because clearly their parents didn't.

Yeah I heard "nasal" is pretty nice tho...