Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
AnonymousBoyee 6
Put her in time out... For 12 hours
fergnasty 14
At what point what point in life did you become an absolute pussy? You're acting like this child needs to be put on a ******* pedestal. She's doing something that in public is illegal. Teach her right from wrong. I'm not advocating kicking the kids ass but give her a quick smack, a good scolding and a few days without her toys and I bet she will be fine. Jesus Christ man I would hate your kids. Seems like they walk all over you're ass....
gracehi 33
Okay, fmlgb, you've replied to every comment that suggests physical punishment by saying it's wrong, and now it's wrong to put her in time out too? You're either trolling or are just stupid. So what, he's just supposed to explain to her that it's wrong? Okay, and what if that doesn't work? He's just supposed to take this abuse? What if she starts doing this to boys at school, or worse, continues to hit people for fun when she grows up? OP will be doing his daughter a terrible disservice by not punishing her.
TheCrispyCat 20
Keeps doing it? It has obviously happened many times, she needs to be disciplined NOW.
alvaro811994 3
do the same thing!
littlekellilee 45
120 Is anyone ever allowed to joke in your house without you telling them how wrong it is? I think posting on one or two was enough, you're just getting annoying. You might be the one who deserves the spanking here, and not in a fun way.
evanobrien 14
better get on that before she starts randomly knocking strangers nuts around
bubblz2 10
When she punches you just yell at her, she will stop fast.
gracehi 33
Why are you guys taking 20 seriously?
UnluckyJulie 13
A grown man living in fear of a little girl, huh? And exactly what do you propose to do to rectify that situation?
tribec 3
Be a parent and put an end to this behavior.
Melix 31
Maybe she doesn't want any siblings.....but I do agree. She needs to be disciplined, now.
AKAR2521 4
at her age, she should know better, unless you aren't discipling her or never have before.