Miscellaneous: Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was...

By MorganRox26 - Canada

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

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Miscellaneous

Tidy your room

Everyone's an expert

Family values

By stoprubbingitinmyface - United States - Tacoma

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

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By beaverless - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in sexual activity anymore because it is getting too boring. FML

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By nemi - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

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By alicia - Canada - Montreal

Wanker

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lake Dallas

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

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By Bubbah - United States

Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML

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By joedoe - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

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By Carnage23 - Germany - Essen

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

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By MIND BLOWING - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too funny". FML

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By knickedleg - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

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By PeepShow - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

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By NotSpiderman - United States - Edinburg

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

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By Mj - Canada - Windsor

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Augusta

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

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By Anonymous

My 21st birthday

Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML

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By reyoflight - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

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By Lennie Mcfish - 9/4/2020 14:00

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while she drunk, but since she was under the influence I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

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By RobotUnicorn1209 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

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By theawfulpresent - United States - Germantown

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

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By sadguyme - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML

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By Tech Savvy - United States

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2020 08:01

Protection

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

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By DaveAlmighty - United States

Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML

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By NotAsGoodAsATruck - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

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By Sally

Today, I was heading out for lunch, and a co-worker asked me if I would pick up their pizza. I said yes, because, why not? Just as I arrived, they texted to inform me that the pizza was under the name "Anita Luong Duong". FML

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By fml9124

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

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By heartbroken - United States

Today, I managed to convince the girl of my dreams to stop being so shy, and put herself out there to get her crush to make a move. It worked. And yet as it turns out, I'm not her crush after all. FML

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By Kiss-a-thon - Germany

Today, I finally got together with this great guy I've had a crush on for a while. He told me before that he is quite inexperienced, which usually doesn't bother me at all. Turns out "inexperienced" translates to "I will include your nose and chin in our kissing" in this case. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML

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By ugh - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

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By microlovin - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

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By Wendie - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

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Top comments

By daydreamstar | 7

#747291 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:51

im sorry. *hug*

By xCrackerx | 3

#747334 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:05

You must be the "friend" that no one really likes.

COMMENTS

By 123e3 | 0

#747289 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:50

well fuck them. get better friends

DreMaMa | 0

#747459 - Thursday 31 December 2009 20:15

Fuck Bitches Get MONEY.

NoNameForM3 | 0

#747579 - Thursday 31 December 2009 21:28

ummm maybe ur eyes were closed ?

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 | 2

#747601 - Thursday 31 December 2009 21:40

MESSAGE ME FOR LOCKERZ INVITE!!1

LOCKERZ = FREE IPODS, GAMING SYSTEMS, GAMES, AND MOREEEE ALL FREE!!!!!!

Electric_Star | 0

#747740 - Thursday 31 December 2009 23:09

Rofl. I would take money over friends anyway. With enough money you could buy friends. I bet they would be just as fun to go clubbing with anyway. Unless I like, grew up with them or something. As for the OP, drop them.

hnurzaman | 0

#748183 - Friday 1 January 2010 3:51

what a fool question.. :D

By daydreamstar | 7

#747291 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:51

im sorry. *hug*

avdog | 0

#3807770 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:23

Disregard friends. Acquire currency lol
I feel bad for u

By rambles | 0

#747292 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:51

awwww thats sucks! just find some better friends.

By Icy_fml | 0

#747300 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:53

accident?

_Fleur_ | 0

#747329 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:04

Yeah it could have been a mistake

Towelie_31 | 0

#747506 - Thursday 31 December 2009 20:49

how do you accidently crop someone out of a picture?

MzRodriquez95 | 0

#748147 - Friday 1 January 2010 3:15

Lmao Mercy does have a point I accidentally cropped my friend too (winks).

Starfire22 | 5

#749505 - Saturday 2 January 2010 0:54

Mercy is that why I'm cropped out of our s&m group pic? I knew it!:D

sgomfg | 1

#1014180 - Monday 31 May 2010 21:21

mercy u can crop photos directly in facebook u don't need Photoshop crap

By TylerFYL | 0

#747302 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:54

damn fyl

By pinktiger | 0

#747303 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:54

the picture probably just accidentally cropped you out..not the end of the world

Baron_Random | 0

#973980 - Sunday 4 April 2010 15:49

It's facebook, it was probably automatically cropped by the picture fitter.
As for #87, maybe you're describing yourself. You sound like a right asshole.

By mariexheartless | 0

#747304 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:54

:O:O omg i feel so bad for you .
you should get better friends . damn hoes .

By thinmint | 0

#747310 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:57

well that was rude

By Mz_CaRtER | 0

#747311 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:58

Wowz i agree wit da pplz above me (sum) jus get betta friendz n if it really wuz "suppose" they could have fixed it sooo yea jus get betta friendz --simple.