Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
lvg_fml 10
At 7 kids have plenty of things to take away. Friends, computers , toys, television. No need to resort to physical violence
gmas95 2
Perhaps protection cups?
merryhappy1887 20
I would whoop that little girls butt. Good luck when she is a teenager. Clearly you have no respect as it is. Have fun on 16 and pregnant!
hickdog 6
maybe she'll be a famous boxer some day because of all the time spent she spent working out on your bag....
the_alchemyst 5
Beat her ass
rawrfacexx 16
YDI. She's 7. Seriously it wouldn't kill you to spank her once.
numberswoman 14
Bust her hateful, spoiled little ass!
disney_blonde 16
Why does no one spank anymore? My generation, the late 20somethings, early 30somethings, were spanked and we came out fine, our parents were spanked with belts and they came out even better.
Sheh_fml 25
Except that evidence shows that people who are spanked/hit/beaten as children become more violent and less trusting. I agree that children need discipline, but it is perfectly possible to discipline children without the use of brute force.
nozza123 2
dude aint u heard of the naughty step??
Sheh_fml 25
She's 7. She's not evil, children of that age don't really realize that other people are people too with feelings and whatnot. So she isn't some psycho that lacks sympathy. Make her understand that it hurts and discipline her. Preferably not by being violent yourself. You also might want to wear a cup.
blackonblight 33
At seven kids have grown far beyond the survivalist sociopath state. Empathy and generosity can be observed consistently in infants, so there's no 'too young to understand' excuse to pull with a child who is school aged and as such should be socialized to understand what appropriate behavior consists of.