Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
4Madden 19
Are you sure you even have balls to hit? You're her father, show some damn superiority and discipline her.
WelcomeToAndale 13
It is absolutely sickening and astounding how many deluded idiots are saying "Hit her!!", and even worse how many are agreeing with said psychopaths. You never hit a child under any circumstances, and all of you horrible people advocating such should be ashamed of yourselves.
Mynamewontfi 40
There's a difference between child abuse and spanking as a way to discipline a kid.
gracehi 33
Yes, 53. It's so cruel and psychopathic to demonstrate to a child that when you hit someone, there's a good chance they're going to hit you back. It's much better that they learn that lesson when they're an adult and they'll go to jail or get the shit beat out of them by someone who doesn't give a **** about them, or both. Seriously, I wonder of you're just trolling or being sarcastic.
pookiebear1001 13
Gee buddy you're the father act like one! You're the adult not the child now come on & use common sense.
domolovesyoshi 33
That's the perfect way to get her taken of him.
domolovesyoshi 33
You totally deserve it for not being a good parent and disciplining your child she is 7, she should know the difference between right and wrong by now
sporkadork 7
Even if you don't believe in spanking your child, that is no excuse not to discipline them. My parents never used corporal punishment, but I would never have done something like that, certainly not more than once, and out of my siblings I was the "problem child". Seriously, put her in time out, take away their toys/books, give her a strict talking to, and don't let her off the hook until she apologizes. She's gotta learn that hurting people is not ok or funny.
JMichael 26
Put an end to it now. That's what we have discipline for and no one would think you less of a man for using it. Well except the United States government who will label it child abuse. Be we of the FML population understand.
kirbz826 10
Seriously. Take charge. Or be a pussy and wear a cup 24 hours a day. Your choice, OP!
arandomusernameaa 20
Or to kill them 56 :/ 7 days at that age would most likely kill the poor child...
colton_colton 50
What have you raised her to be?
sporkadork 7
The type of girl that thinks its "cute" to physically assault guys.