Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (331)
Belthazor_fml 5
Uh, ****'s wrong with you? Grow some balls and discipline your daughter! Yes, pun intended! My daughter is seven, too, and yes, I love her to death, but do you think I'm going to let her "play" by hitting me in the balls? No!
underguarded 20
Cause there's no such thing as grounding
Ksweety_fml 27
In my Medea voice: "Whoop her ass"....
trossi32 8
Buy a cup?
cdawgtate 9
Cup check
jh921971 10
Control your kid
kipfischer 11
Your wats wrong with today's youth. Your the adult ******* act like it, instead of a sniveling little bitch
harmtouch16 11
*You're, *what's, you're" .....
nexus1024 4
The amount of people here bitching about how spanking her is as bad as her hitting her father is disgusting, to be honest. He is her father, she is a CHILD. It's a matter of respect. Obviously nobody is condoning child abuse, but maybe if more parents still spanked their kids, there wouldn't be so many spoiled, self-obsessed little ***** running around these days.
mikbrooke 25
child abuse is a big no-no. women abuse is a big no-no. but what about the guys? if the parent was doing that to a child, they'd be called on it for child abuse. the kid probably doesnt mean it in an abusive way, but it is still a form of abuse.
SEABASSr0130 11
I
Hutch1965 6
So be a grown and discipline your child. If you don't teach her right from wrong, who will?