Animals: Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I... - FML

By Raven - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2149

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

The smell detective is on the case

Bad timing

By volleyballgirl12 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33919

You deserved it

6426

Tweet

Share

By River - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18161

You deserved it

55754

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32889

You deserved it

27292

Tweet

Share

By Lovelysister - United States

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29936

You deserved it

9729

Tweet

Share

By sicksicksick - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56526

You deserved it

3667

Tweet

Share

By Scarred4lyfe - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20397

You deserved it

1410

Tweet

Share

By that guy - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41797

You deserved it

3137

Tweet

Share

By JessicaandGhazi - 9/6/2020 08:04

So hard

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed after having sex. I commented on him still having an erection after having an orgasm. He said it happens whenever he has a strong orgasm. Then he added, "And surprisingly, I was even thinking about you when it happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1891

You deserved it

239

Tweet

Share

By mute - New Zealand - Auckland

Quiet please

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23910

You deserved it

3490

Tweet

Share

By ewww - 5/7/2020 17:01

Got game

Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1565

You deserved it

215

Tweet

Share

By h0308 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40622

You deserved it

4577

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47309

You deserved it

3810

Tweet

Share

By bob - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18269

You deserved it

31397

Tweet

Share

By anne

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5010

You deserved it

756

Tweet

Share

By insanitycalling - Canada

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26359

You deserved it

3460

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 08:00

Reading comprehension

Today, one of my clients called me, saying that he received my email. When I asked what I could do for him, he replied, “Well, what does the email say?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1221

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By Username - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36526

You deserved it

2809

Tweet

Share

By ColdStones - Norway - Bergen

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41253

You deserved it

3431

Tweet

Share

By AlwaysTired - United States - San Carlos

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24249

You deserved it

2563

Tweet

Share

By panickygrl - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28682

You deserved it

3972

Tweet

Share

By Rich - United States

Today, I admitted to my wife that I'd really like to get a Prius, but I was worried that if I did, everyone would question my sexuality. She told me, "I don't know why you care, everyone already thinks you're gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32312

You deserved it

9535

Tweet

Share

By socknotes - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a shifty customer came in to my store and was hanging around for about 30 minutes. Apparently, he took that time to put religiously-motivated anti-abortion notes into each and every pair of socks. In the following hours, I had 17 angry returns and was personally threatened twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19730

You deserved it

1426

Tweet

Share

By hrs220 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13804

You deserved it

1509

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21257

You deserved it

4087

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24432

You deserved it

39240

Tweet

Share

By RedHatKat - United States - Burr Hill

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22150

You deserved it

1803

Tweet

Share

By yosmurf

Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson and their corresponding bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1781

You deserved it

243

Tweet

Share

By lostlove - United States

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44030

You deserved it

7761

Tweet

Share

By Idiot on the bus

Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4089

You deserved it

1536

Tweet

Share

By sofked - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38576

You deserved it

2174

Tweet

Share

By grandma - United States - Barnesville

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41693

You deserved it

7187

Tweet

Share

By skrumpp

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41806

You deserved it

5117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11911

You deserved it

21839

Tweet

Share

By britney - Canada

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23057

You deserved it

5566

Tweet

Share

By fmylovelife - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44397

You deserved it

3459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21786

You deserved it

2335

Tweet

Share

By parched - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33685

You deserved it

3251

Tweet

Share

By Skittles

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4710

You deserved it

1239

Tweet

Share

By TiredStudent - 12/6/2020 23:07 - Australia

Bottle bank

Today, I found out my last roommate had been stacking her empty wine bottles under the sink for the last 5 months. The cleaning lady who found them now thinks I'm an alcoholic, and threatened to report me to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1403

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By Shino

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4329

You deserved it

441

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By great_nate | 21

#7385111 - Saturday 7 January 2017 20:43

Video her doing it and report her.

By BlackFire4890 | 16

#7385509 - Monday 9 January 2017 5:25

<p>Get video of her doing it and take it to the police</p>

COMMENTS

By great_nate | 21

#7385111 - Saturday 7 January 2017 20:43

Video her doing it and report her.

By knepmj | 13

#7385174 - Sunday 8 January 2017 4:50

Just spread the trash on her yard

By MsBluntBunny | 4

#7385250 - Sunday 8 January 2017 12:52

<p>Keep a close eye on your pup! I would have ripped her apart for threatening my pet.</p>

By BlackFire4890 | 16

#7385509 - Monday 9 January 2017 5:25

<p>Get video of her doing it and take it to the police</p>

By ifuckuprandomly | 28

#7387795 - Friday 13 January 2017 12:05

Jesus Christ! I thought Canadians were polite!

By blackrose1996 | 11

#7388790 - Sunday 15 January 2017 1:12

I would have called the police since she threatened your animal.