Animals: Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their...

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 05:16 - Canada

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 3 557

Animals

Taking stock

You BARBARIAN!

Can't win

By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 639

You deserved it 1 623

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 525

You deserved it 68 926

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 14:31 - Denmark

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 641

You deserved it 9 773

Oh, the irony

By HassledAirfarer - 07/12/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an "inconsiderate, selfish bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 925

You deserved it 2 427

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 690

You deserved it 7 530

By Ugh - 13/09/2015 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 250

You deserved it 5 843

By drunkboysgf - 21/10/2011 07:39 - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 536

You deserved it 5 205

By anon - 19/01/2015 05:35 - United States - Burleson

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 376

You deserved it 6 513

By Anon - 13/03/2016 00:13 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 968

You deserved it 1 374

By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 200

You deserved it 1 319

This is terrible!

By Baddad - 24/11/2019 20:00

Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 1 055

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 21:20 - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 804

You deserved it 51 894

Prissy

By barfyshirt - 06/12/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 881

You deserved it 7 176

Psycho

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01

Today, I'd never quite realised how nasty my girlfriend was until she hit a kid on a zebra crossing and was more upset that her bumper was dented than the fact an 8 year-old had a broken leg. She was still blaming the kid and demanding his parents pay the damage as he was being put in the ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 167

By probablyfired - 25/07/2019 02:01

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 549

By Anonymous - 26/05/2009 21:37 - Germany

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 198

You deserved it 3 875

By PizzaPants - 29/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Denver

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 631

You deserved it 1 998

Hush

By bitchyhiccups - 19/03/2012 13:14 - United States - Tempe

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 280

You deserved it 4 485

By bleachingmykidsbrains - 01/07/2015 23:38 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 677

You deserved it 1 720

By shrek - 29/08/2016 10:26 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 364

You deserved it 2 047

By neverbeensurprised - 14/08/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I found out my friend has been texting my long distance boyfriend more than I do. When I confronted her about it, she confessed that it was because they had been planning a surprise appearance for me. I've never been surprised before, and I ruined my own surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 134

You deserved it 47 136

By .... - 31/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 4 178

By soljaboy - 04/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 094

You deserved it 152 440

By xXPikachuXx - 22/07/2019 02:01

Today, after 3 months of job hunting, I finally got a job. But now my birth certificate and social security card are somehow lost, and I can't start until I let them see a copy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 372

By Anonymous - 30/03/2019 22:00

Today...I started my day with a head cold and sore throat. I am ending the day with my period and explosive diarrhea. Oh and to top it all off, I live in the midwest, where the wind chills are going to be -50 tomorrow...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 15:28 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 359

You deserved it 3 513

By Anonymous - 28/08/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 547

You deserved it 3 077

By killmenow - 03/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 190

You deserved it 2 613

Nerd

By cole - 24/04/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said, "Hey, I love your jacket, where'd you get that?" I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 439

You deserved it 61 483

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 014

You deserved it 12 679

By Vgameboi - 15/02/2010 03:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 352

You deserved it 4 238

By jdrew32 - 04/02/2013 02:17 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 347

You deserved it 5 088

By OTZ - 26/01/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy I've ever met. He is also rich and successful, and would probably be perfect for me, if only he could stop bragging about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 964

You deserved it 14 054

By Alexis - 26/08/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 047

You deserved it 3 218

By Oops - 06/02/2010 08:17 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a female friend online. She was typing out a story bit by bit about how awful she was feeling after being teased. I was responding with "So, so true" but because of my slow typing it appeared after she wrote, "Doesn't help being fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 964

You deserved it 6 063

By not even - 21/07/2016 11:20 - United States - Troy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 586

You deserved it 2 720

By andy1r - 07/10/2011 06:41 - Bolivia

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 631

You deserved it 2 703

Preemptive strike

By halofever82 - 10/04/2021 08:00

Today, after ordering at a restaurant, the waitress suddenly began acting like a bitch to me, for no apparent reason. I later found out why: most people who order that particular meal tend to argue and whine about the price. I wasn’t going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 61

By Cherie - 09/12/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 238

You deserved it 2 442

By Bruce - 02/02/2012 03:11 - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 3 389

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Top comments

BoredomKillsinc 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:47

poor dog

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:53

how is this bad? they scored a free dog! you can teach it to kill and steal from the elderly

juilly_fml 3

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:47

lol that sucks!

mamamiaaa_fml 12

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

madmadd 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:54

^win

ClickMyPicture 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:56

#7 you sick fuck :(

kruzito 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 12:03

you should track them down just for fun and leave the dog in the back yard with a note on the dog saying " i missed you"

ILOLatmockdaweek 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 12:06

why are you saying lol. I don't think it's that funny. some person dumped their dog on their neighbour cos they probably couldn't be bothered with it. where is the joke?!

mz_booty 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 13:22

#7 why don't we cook you up like a hotdog!! beeatch

laurabelle 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 14:47

was the dog vicious?

morgann4826 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:00

It's not like 7 was serious. She was making a joke. OP are you positive they moved? they might just not be home yet.

babyyappld 7

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:02

I'm just wondering how op didn't notice her neighbor moving out...

AceArctic 4

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:04

her neighbors are ninjas.

ThatLooksSticky 16

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Saturday 11 December 2010 16:43

#75 makes me miss my dog. :(

thtsuxs 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 18:03

moving isn't a simple and unnoticeable thing it takes atleast 2-3 days to the stuff out it house....ydi for not noticing the moving truck

catatonicsleep 17

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Saturday 11 December 2010 18:16

2-3 days? it took us 7 hours... We got out cat because our neighbors moved and left her, she skulked around our garden a few days and we fed her then one day she walked in through the dining room window and never left :D

persianjr1 7

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:22

How the hell does your neighbors move and you dont know? perhaps the big moving truck would be a clue? im just sayin.

persianjr1 7

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Sunday 12 December 2010 0:26

Exactly # 64

jewban 3

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Sunday 12 December 2010 8:09

what horrible pet owners

mamamiaaa_fml 12

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Sunday 12 December 2010 12:56

it was both serious and a joke depending on what country you're in/from. Eww.

minauto 15

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Thursday 13 November 2014 14:53

it doesn't necessarily have to be that difficult. my old neighbor did this when they ran out of money for rent. given they knew they were leaving well in advance, they could've gotten rid of/moved the couch and other large furniture weeks before their "trip" without anyone being suspicious and as for the rest of their stuff, they could take it to the car little by little each time they went to the grocery store/bank/work if their new place is within reasonable driving distance. it's unlikely that they did this, but its possible!

ClickMyPicture 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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MarieBreann 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 13:09

yeah they should:D

starile 19

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:57

Or.... MERRY CHRISTMAS! New dog!

ScrabbleBabe2010 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 21:07

Southern Gurls Rock Y'all!

rapeter 0

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Sunday 12 December 2010 6:32

hey dude I noticed ur from Vancouver and the same age as my cousin who lives tere too. do u by any chance know a Maas pagarigan?

BoredomKillsinc 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:47

poor dog

Alleged_Cranium 7

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Saturday 11 December 2010 13:50

let the dog into there house to do his business.

miraggg 1

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Saturday 11 December 2010 14:41

seriously though how can you not notice your neighbours move out? wouldnt there be a for sale sign on their house or trucks to move their stuff?

purpleamandapand 6

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:22

yeah I can't see that happening without noticing some kind of for sale sign... unless it was some kind of town house that you're just renting

thrAsHeRr9081 16

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:42

my old neighbors just up and left one day, leaving behind a lot of furniture and their dog. it happens.

Mehness 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 16:02

72 - Were those neighbors of yours black and wearing sweat shirts and pants? Because I have a feeling those weren't exactly your neighbors...

DocBastard 38

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Saturday 11 December 2010 17:44

I'm sorry Mehness, but what exactly are you implying? I may be reading too much into this, but I certainly don't like your implications.

purpleamandapand 6

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Sunday 12 December 2010 2:16

72: that's really horrible that someone would do that . I hope the dog was okay

_HeadShot_ 0

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Sunday 12 December 2010 3:04

80 - ur comment got modded. just to giv u a heads up

dragonaair 5

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:49

poor dog!

Naitras 15

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:50

keep it...dogs are man's best friend after all

ageofkyle 0

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Monday 13 December 2010 7:20

hell yeah

rottentomatoes 7

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:51

heh.. thats odd :l

AaronSeal 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 19:33

I know this is VERY odd.. But i have the feeling that you are the Younger, Shorter Haired, Glasses Wearing version of ME!

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:53

how is this bad? they scored a free dog! you can teach it to kill and steal from the elderly

xxxDeathBat7xxx 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:30

Exactly!

Ismellwin 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 18:43

Isn't that why people have kids?

TurnOffs 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 22:55

Your Awsome. :) I love your comments,HaaHaa. <33

CakeSlicer 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:53

Haha, you should just raise the dog.

grandpaearthling 2

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:54

at least the dig has a better home.

kruzito 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 11:57

I wonder what kind of "dig" it is?

mazzera_fml 7

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Saturday 11 December 2010 12:09

i dig it.

VeeVengeance 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 14:16

I bet the dig dogs a lot in the yard.

timskiii 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 16:01

aha... dig dogs. i see what you did there.

kruzito 0

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Sunday 12 December 2010 1:02

#46, that's the most disgusting costume i've seen

maybaybe 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 12:03

I don't see how this is an FML, just sell the dog or give it away. Its not that bad

towboatdude 0

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Saturday 11 December 2010 12:24

If this is your pic? could your family leave you with me? And move away just like that family did? All jokes aside though. You are one smoking hottie!!!!