Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically... - FML

By zitroskies - 7/10/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

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They're everywhere

Overbearing much?

TMI

By Sad bitch - 18/6/2018 19:00

Today, I realized why my lavender products were no longer helping me calm down. I use lavender so much when I'm anxious that I've associated the smell with anxiety. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2012 08:24 - United States

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

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By wtfisgoingon - 28/4/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

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By footinmouth - 21/1/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

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By anonymous - 6/5/2013 18:08 - United States - Poway

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

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By Clumsy - 8/9/2016 12:06 - United States - Millville

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

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By WolfieJL - 18/5/2014 07:51 - United States

Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

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By letdown - 19/7/2020 14:01

Great timing

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

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By looke27 - 13/11/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2015 03:53 - United States

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2018 01:30

Today, I married my best friend in the whole world at a small romantic venue. By that I mean I married my actual best mate while completely hammered at a drive-through wedding chapel. My fiancée is gonna kill me when she finds out. FML

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By undanya__four - 10/4/2015 20:19 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

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By Fish Breath - 3/6/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

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By brandiboobarry - 29/11/2010 06:01

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

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By ldn - 21/3/2013 17:54 - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

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By crosseyed - 10/6/2009 19:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

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By Mew - 4/6/2009 12:07 - United States

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

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By claudio117 - 8/4/2012 09:16 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2012 22:00 - United States - Waterford

Today, while looking through pictures of my boyfriend and me on Facebook, I noticed that in practically every single one featuring my best friend, his eyes are directed down her shirt. FML

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By dorianseiji - 11/3/2015 20:37 - France - Amiens

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

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By AvengdSevenfold - 24/8/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and trying to make new friends since I'm new at my college. I was running after an overthrown frisbee for a touchdown. Everyone cheered me on to keep going. I ran full speed into a fence. FML

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By Jay703 - 3/8/2016 02:21 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML

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By sorryyouweregone - 25/3/2013 13:13 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML

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By strugglingartist - 26/1/2013 06:14 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML

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By kat - 28/11/2018 15:30

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

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By loser - 31/7/2012 14:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my guy friends actually hang out with me at my house all the time is because they think my mom is hot. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2012 05:32 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

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By DookDaSpook - 11/1/2016 23:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me so I walked up to her and asked if everything was okay. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

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By GirlinGreen - 30/4/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 16:18 - United Kingdom

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

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By banned - 9/3/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

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By hitchcock2013 - 7/5/2013 17:10 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

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By protoplasm stole my seat - 26/1/2013 01:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

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By grossedout - 1/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

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By Stuckinbed - 19/3/2020 21:00

Hippity hoppity

Today, after I'd had hip surgery, my sister thought it would be hilarious to hide my crutches from me. I can't find them. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#608092 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:19

Is anyone else somewhat reminded of one part of Paramore's Misery Business video? Except that the girl/guy roles are switched?

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#608117 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:36

Boob punch.

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#608092 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:19

Is anyone else somewhat reminded of one part of Paramore's Misery Business video? Except that the girl/guy roles are switched?

Reply

timtam24 | 0

#608103 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:25

i am now

OP, sorry but she's not your gf

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#608135 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:50

I was actually thinking of Chris Brown and Rihanna.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#608143 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:54

lmao, Rachel.

Don't give me that lovey-dovey lovey-dovey kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss. Imma grab yo face and chove it from wall to wall. I don't care if ANY of the neighbors call....Then I'm gonna crack a bottle and make my body waddle, then shove it in your face 'cause you think you're a model!

Reply

Peroxide | 3

#608449 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 15:25

Rihannas IQ is 117, can you beat her?

Chris Brown-Yes I can

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#608612 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:46

Peroxide...epic, still I must smh at that comment.

Reply

letthemxeatcake | 0

#609031 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 21:56

I had the same thing in mind too!

Reply

GreenHacker | 0

#616476 - Monday 12 October 2009 3:47

Dude, what's the problem? You just found out your girlfriend's a slut. That means she's easy and probably puts out.

Reply

aarmy | 0

#1043023 - Friday 25 June 2010 16:19

I know this is late, but 9 - lmao. I know where the refrence is from.

Reply

anthemjb | 0

#1073928 - Thursday 8 July 2010 9:08

XD #8 my friend just asked me today, "on a scale of 1 to Chris Brown, how pissed are you?" and then i saw this.

Reply

LissaMccracken | 23

#5544198 - Thursday 20 June 2013 18:29

"That's not even your song!"... Haha nigahiga

By unfortunate_13 | 5

#608094 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:19

oh the high school drama.

sucks to be you though...

By yaddameena | 0

#608096 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:22

time to find a new gf.

By Raiders714 | 0

#608098 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:22

Dude that sucks to be you you probably wernt as romantic as the other guy LOL

Reply

emanftw21 | 9

#7617909 - Sunday 1 April 2018 19:40

dude wtf

By the_megster | 1

#608104 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:27

that so messed up i would leave her asap !!!

By DameGreyWulf | 0

#608117 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:36

Boob punch.

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#608169 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 10:30

This.

Reply

anniebananie | 3

#608773 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 18:45

Cunt punt.

Reply

dabomb1463 | 0

#4134759 - Thursday 8 March 2012 5:39

No no no ^^ This is what I call a win

By NotLyingAboutIt | 0

#608158 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 10:11

F*** her.........no i'm serious F*** her and then leave her if i were a dude thats what i would do

By doriandarko | 0

#608164 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 10:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

InsanePPG | 25

#608685 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 17:35

That actually happened a couple of years ago. A girl stopped hanging out with one of her friends, so the friend's mom did exactly what you just described, and the girl killed herself because she was so upset by it.

OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you leave her, if you haven't done so already.

Reply

RuralNinja | 0

#609043 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 22:02

I'm sure he realized that, since he said it was on the news.

Reply

popoman | 0

#609083 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 22:28

Not like she doesn't deserve it. The girl on the news, however, did not deserve it.

Reply

KingOfTheWastes | 0

#614062 - Saturday 10 October 2009 23:07

Is anybody else reminded of the "Love Hurts" quest from Fable 2?

Reply

akg98 | 13

#4599105 - Friday 22 June 2012 7:43

No! Thts terrible!! Yes,cheating is bad, but suicide? Thts messed up

Reply

hahafmls | 8

#4641183 - Monday 2 July 2012 12:55

That is just cruel.

Reply

Panda_Shy_Haven | 17

#5094286 - Monday 29 October 2012 17:22

Don't ever fucking joke about suicide like that..

By veganphotog | 0

#608174 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 10:47

oh damn that sucks.

By A83_fml | 18

#608186 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 11:02

option 1: dirty sanchez her.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#608188 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 11:04

option 2: Give her an Alabama Hot Pocket.

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#608202 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 11:30

Option 3: California Poppy.

Reply

QuitetheDuffles | 0

#608221 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:22

Option 4: Falcon punch.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#608225 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:30

Shota Tiger? Yuri Dragon? GURO DRAGON????

Reply

FailFoxtrot | 0

#608436 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 15:18

Option 5: Curb Stomp