Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML
Today, my mom was screaming and throwing things at me and I didn’t know why. Then I checked the date. Her birthday was yesterday. FML
Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML
Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML
Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML
Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML
Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML
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Top comments
simplyabsurd 0
I suggest ditching the psycho. A 42" plasma? I certainly hope she's going to buy you a new one. But my guess is she doesn't even have a job. Just because it has legs and talks doesn't mean it's worth dating.
deaditegirl 0
Well, now maybe you can get a girlfriend who is slightly less crazy...
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Comments (376)
gigi37 0
1. If the poster truly wrote this today, then it seems that he came home the day of his birthday, probably to spend the rest of it with his girlfriend who found the message from the night BEFORE his birthday; he probably had dinner with his family- cut the guy a break. 2. Some phones make people sound different, when I get messages from friends they sound a lot different on the phone than in person. 3. Your girlfriend completely overreacted and assumed you were cheating on her without talking to you; true it's weird you never told her that you were seeing your parents, but still. Dump her and make her pay you back
captain_pudding 0
#14 read the post, she left a message on the answering machine, not a note #19 . . . what FML were you reading that said anything about her having his cell? and to the OP, she's total psycho, run away
AngelRaven89 0
You party with your mom and not your GF? Thats a little strange but I'l go with #26 (or catatonicsleep) to understand that one. What is with your girlfriend jumping to conclusions like that? She's either just really insane or you have not been faithful in the past. But even then, i'd give you the benifit of the doubt before i smashed your shit all to hell. RIP TV :'(
fortunecookie_fml 0
you people are so stupid haha. I would love to sit here and explain why but for some reason I feel like I'd be wasting my time? ha.
ibaneziceman 0
The party was the night before. I'm sure OP had some family time for his birthday and then later he would hang out with his girlfriend.
rukusrazor 0
Yeah, that 58" Samsung you had your eye on? Your girlfriend will be buying that for you. I'll say it again. Assumptions are the mother of all **** ups.
Ilovelife07 0
I believe a **** punt is in order
couragewolf9001 0
Death through bankrupcy. It's time for a lawsuit. Get makeup sex out of it.
erikawesome 0
Dude, that sucks! FYL! Don't get back together with the psycho gf though, you'll regret it.
ogloc 0
Dump her, after a swift **** punt. Insecure girls are nothing but trouble.