Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML
Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML
Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
Today, I went to a casino with $300 to spend and somehow walked out with $21K. When I told my wife, she sighed and moaned about how annoying taxes will be, and how I should have pushed my luck further. The house always wins, even when it loses. FML
Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML
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Top comments
pwnrzero 0
you got the 200 dollars and most money goes through much grosser stuff anyway, without you knowing deal with it, and take it like a a mature human being! [i couldn't say man because i didnt know if you are a man]
untoldfame 3
so, you go to a strip club, looking at the strippers, giving them money, but when they try giving you money you think its gross? maybe you should give it to them in envolopes next time :)
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Comments (150)
funsize003 0
Yeahh that really sucks. I feel awful for you, winning money BLOWS!. I hope you got all the ones that went through strippers asscracks. And I hope you catch something from it. Herpes?
Indiana_fml 4
"Choose wisely" - that line always reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Because this happens when you choose poorly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DGFuHC75aY
RLJJ 0
"money doesn't smell" (Roman emperor Vespasian, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vespasian )
jillz 0
I wish that manager had more respect for his dancers. They are likely the sole reason why most customers show up. Those girls work HARD for that cash. Grats on the win.
MMMMorshu 0
$200 bucks, awesome. I think a lotta money been through dirty places, so unless you don't wash your hands or Lick the money, you should be fine MMMMM
demonkey_fml 4
You can always wash money, it's mostly made out of cotton. I wouldn't dry it though...
SirAwesome 0
You should rub the stripper's butt money on your crotch. That's what I would do.
lovely997 0
ITS MONEY money is always dirty not an fml
24788 7
#51 is right. Not everyone keeps their money very clean or even cares if it's clean.
bluedoll 1
What a HORRIBLE whiney jerk you are! Complaining that you won money and had to "choose carefully" because it had been slid down a strippers crack. Guess what--your money, you cash, has been in some NASTY places. VERY nasty places and until today, you didn't think about it. What a jerk. The only redeeming quality would have been this, "...slid through a stripper's butt crack. After I walked out of the club, I was mugged by a drag queen who been on stage earlier." That would have made it an FYL. F YOU buddy. F YOU.