Money: Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to...

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 647

You deserved it 9 034

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 087

You deserved it 9 507

Assumptions

By adriana - 01/09/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 335

You deserved it 4 586

Drunken antics

By qx5 - 08/01/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 522

You deserved it 58 077

Everything is clean

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 18:00

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 235

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 799

You deserved it 23 815

Scratch cards

By Just my luck - 15/02/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 336

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 00:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 677

You deserved it 4 434

By bluntedone - 03/02/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 034

You deserved it 52 141

By greenhide8 - 28/05/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 007

You deserved it 46 100

By joedoe - 18/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 Monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 924

You deserved it 51 580

pwnrzero 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 20:12

you got the 200 dollars and most money goes through much grosser stuff anyway, without you knowing deal with it, and take it like a a mature human being! [i couldn't say man because i didnt know if you are a man]

untoldfame 3

Saturday 30 May 2009 20:35

so, you go to a strip club, looking at the strippers, giving them money, but when they try giving you money you think its gross? maybe you should give it to them in envolopes next time :)

Comments

funsize003 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:21

Yeahh that really sucks. I feel awful for you, winning money BLOWS!. I hope you got all the ones that went through strippers asscracks. And I hope you catch something from it. Herpes?

Indiana_fml 4

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:25

"Choose wisely" - that line always reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Because this happens when you choose poorly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DGFuHC75aY

RLJJ 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:28

"money doesn't smell" (Roman emperor Vespasian, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vespasian )

jillz 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:29

I wish that manager had more respect for his dancers. They are likely the sole reason why most customers show up. Those girls work HARD for that cash. Grats on the win.

MMMMorshu 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:36

$200 bucks, awesome. I think a lotta money been through dirty places, so unless you don't wash your hands or Lick the money, you should be fine MMMMM

demonkey_fml 4

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:36

You can always wash money, it's mostly made out of cotton. I wouldn't dry it though...

SirAwesome 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:42

You should rub the stripper's butt money on your crotch. That's what I would do.

lovely997 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:50

ITS MONEY money is always dirty not an fml

24788 6

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:57

#51 is right. Not everyone keeps their money very clean or even cares if it's clean.

bluedoll 1

Saturday 30 May 2009 23:08

What a HORRIBLE whiney jerk you are! Complaining that you won money and had to "choose carefully" because it had been slid down a strippers crack. Guess what--your money, you cash, has been in some NASTY places. VERY nasty places and until today, you didn't think about it. What a jerk. The only redeeming quality would have been this, "...slid through a stripper's butt crack. After I walked out of the club, I was mugged by a drag queen who been on stage earlier." That would have made it an FYL. F YOU buddy. F YOU.