Money: Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for...

By greenhide8 - 28/05/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 975

You deserved it 46 011

Money

Walk the line

Bodyshaming

Unfortunate

By Seule - 29/06/2016 04:07 - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 153

You deserved it 1 685

By briscoe - 29/09/2015 02:48 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 961

You deserved it 1 677

By Anonymous - 12/05/2019 02:00

Today, after weeks of being hounded to go out on a date with this guy, I finally found the time and invited him over, fully intending to hook up. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 435

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 334

You deserved it 3 328

By Druggie - 07/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Culver City

Today, after a week of being tired and depressed, I realized my bottles for anti-depressants and muscle relaxants had gotten switched around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 600

You deserved it 1 465

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 16:59

Today, my mom asked me what I did with the first paycheck from my first "big girl" job. I told her I paid down my credit debt like a responsible adult. She rolled her eyes and said she was disappointed in me for not treating myself. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 78

By SilverAuthor - 29/07/2016 22:53 - United States - Detroit

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 278

You deserved it 2 040

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 886

You deserved it 28 459

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 20:00

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 414

Been There

By PeppermintPenny - 10/08/2017 20:00

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 611

You deserved it 1 362

By wtf did he do - 19/07/2015 09:02 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 786

You deserved it 2 237

By downlowtooslow - 12/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 582

You deserved it 6 842

Ghost

By Braden - 28/10/2021 17:00

Today, I texted the guy I went out with last night. He'd told me he’d text me when he got home, but he never did. Cracking a joke, I asked him if he was homeless or something, since he broke his word. He replied, “No, I’m just not that into you. Have a nice life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 411

By Anonymous - 06/01/2013 13:06 - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 4 053

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 532

You deserved it 4 964

By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 531

You deserved it 3 148

By ChampionshipVinyl - 18/04/2012 06:57 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 425

You deserved it 2 876

Got game

By ewww - 05/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 219

By milkshake - 23/01/2013 00:29 - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 649

You deserved it 6 241

By Katie - 23/06/2011 16:39 - United States

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 595

You deserved it 2 795

By gullible - 12/04/2014 16:01 - United States

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 792

You deserved it 3 922

By NaCl - 24/05/2014 21:20 - United States - Duluth

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 599

You deserved it 4 042

By HowAreYouAlive - 09/07/2014 04:24 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 631

You deserved it 3 881

Let down

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 05:01

Today, after having spent 2 weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 301

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 852

You deserved it 3 045

By poop - 08/01/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 661

You deserved it 4 170

By phantomthelabrat - 31/03/2014 12:24 - United States - Fargo

Today, I was assigned to be the one to teach Grandpa how to use his new smartphone. An hour in, and we're still going over volume controls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 479

You deserved it 4 212

By SomeoneElse - 14/07/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 245

You deserved it 3 348

When nature calls

By Sacha - 19/01/2021 08:01 - Canada

Today, while I was working in a grocery store, a costumer decide to take a dump on the ground after I told him he couldn’t access to restrooms because my boss closed them due to COVID restrictions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 157

Daddy's girl

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 14:00 - Guam

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, a month after I'd proposed and she'd said yes. When asked why all of the sudden, she said her family disapproved of me, and I wasn't worth fighting for and potentially losing her father's love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 110

By why.mom - 21/08/2019 00:01

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 134

By Cassie - 21/05/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 47 167

By wtf - 29/11/2010 16:05 - United States

Today, my parents went to the Cayman Islands, leaving me at home in freezing Iowa. Also, even though I never get into trouble, they don't trust me enough to be home on my own. So they hired a babysitter to stay with me until they get back. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 163

You deserved it 4 234

By ManInPain - 12/07/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 052

You deserved it 4 896

By Anonymous - 06/05/2015 17:44 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 245

You deserved it 37 194

By alyssaamarante - 13/06/2015 02:41 - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 286

You deserved it 8 912

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:36 - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 525

You deserved it 14 394

By vat - 25/02/2013 08:33 - Hong Kong

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 3 634

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 03:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he can't remember the last time he took a shower. He then told me he doesn't see the "need" of taking showers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 126

You deserved it 4 923

By Anonymous - 25/06/2019 22:14

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 198

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Top comments

AScic1 3

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Saturday 28 May 2011 11:53

You're a swearing, iPhone using elderly person?

tpike1296 11

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Saturday 28 May 2011 11:58

Well, you'll need a holy fuck to feel better after this.

AScic1 3

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Saturday 28 May 2011 11:53

You're a swearing, iPhone using elderly person?

Mahkymahk 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 17:38

tourettes is a bitch

Tuesdaythe10th 11

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Saturday 28 May 2011 20:19

HOLY FUCK ! That's mildly humorous.

NeatNit 32

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Saturday 28 May 2011 23:56

What makes you think 'iPhone-using'?

ChiddyBANGr 13

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Saturday 28 May 2011 11:54

LOOOL! holy fuck, that's epic :')

iSitt 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 17:23

I was at bingo once. bored me to insanity.

IscoreOnU 19

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Saturday 28 May 2011 21:00

Hahahahahaha I agree this ones awesome!

tpike1296 11

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Saturday 28 May 2011 11:58

Well, you'll need a holy fuck to feel better after this.

lilmisslovely13 15

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Saturday 28 May 2011 23:42

win ^ lol

Sinvudyo 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

california283 6

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Sunday 29 May 2011 1:43

was he kicked out for swearing or because he got "excited"

unvmesucka 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:11

Yelling that infront of all those other people and causing a scene in a bingo hall is worth more than $50 dollars anyway. Lol

dreamering 16

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:11

Next time don't play in church.

Carpy 8

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:13

Was it a church bingo night or something? Only uptight church people with sticks up their asses would get so easily offended by a stupid word.

MusicLover369 4

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:20

oh haha very funny. NOT!!!!! stop being such a dick to people with religions.

shoecrazy 5

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Saturday 28 May 2011 14:58

9 you're an ass

lakeybalboa 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 17:24

lol church lovers

bluegoldfish 7

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Saturday 28 May 2011 19:23

not really, lots of people get offended by swearing. and the whole "it's just a word, how can it hurt you?" argument is ridiculous, try applying that logic to phrases like "i'm pregnant", "i'm leaving you for my ex", "you're adopted", or even "i love you" and see how far you get. so yes, lots of people other than religious fanatics are bothered by swearing for reasons other than its religious significance. and before the religion argument gets out of hand, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs EVEN IF you happen not to agree with some of them. and while religious fanatics are irritating, and the ones who expect that everyone should be of their faith and refuse to respect others' right to an opinion are even more so, there's nothing more annoying than a condescending atheist who thinks religion is for idiots and anyone who disagrees with him/her is stupid.

iluvhobos 5

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Saturday 28 May 2011 20:30

I agree #9. because it is JUST A WORD. It is the person's problem if they take offense to it.

lilmisslovely13 15

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Saturday 28 May 2011 23:44

73 did you really not see what 66 wrote?

iluvhobos 5

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Sunday 29 May 2011 1:42

83, yes, and I don't give a shit. On a level, that person is right, however, I still believe words are words, and people need to relax about them because that is how the world is-swears, offensive derogatory terms, they're all over the place, and people (especially those over 21/18 depending on the place) should not be offended by someone yelling the word 'fuck' in shock and excitement.

monzach 5

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Sunday 29 May 2011 8:51

people don't get offended by words, they get offended by it's meaning, and furthermore it's disrespectful to swear anywhere in public regardless if it's a church or not

bluegoldfish 7

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Sunday 29 May 2011 20:27

ugh 83 i know its like nobody even TRIES to read anymore. and then she tried to backpedal by saying she disagreed, ah i dont know, why do i even bother????????

Bontoi 2

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Monday 30 May 2011 0:59

#66 You are my hero.

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:16

I bet 2nd place was happy you have a potty mouth.(:

EvilPotato 14

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:19

don't worry OP it's just $50

tnlander 20

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:23

Seriously, Bingo? Were you visiting your grandmother at the home or was it part of some court ordered community service?

Rainbow_dumpster 27

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Saturday 28 May 2011 12:32

13, haven't you forgot that you can win REAL money when you play BINGO? I used to play bingo and won $500 easy. BINGO is not just for the elderly, it's for EVERYONE who wants to play and win cash.