Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML
Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
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Top comments
Fernmelder 0
that is nasty
crazychika 0
Ewwwww! What a little bugger! Yea... here's one reason why I'm NOT having kids :P
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Comments (237)
anonymousabcd 0
What does medicine have anything to do with it? That's really disgusting. FYL
rosemary_fml 5
id be tempted to beat the **** out of him.
maverico 0
eeeeeeeeeeew punish him :0
Intoxicunt 6
His future wife is one lucky gal. I, personally, would love to wake up to my man's body parts being stuck into my mouth. But seriously, this whole FML makes me gag.
jonny2x4 0
Did you have dreams of manna from heaven? DId you swallow any? Were they nice and crusty? Are you hot?
froggy123000 0
i just gagged... again!
byondblnd11 0
nom nom nom
mattmag 0
You beat me to it... :( om nom nom
juneping 0
eeeew.....
woahitsashlynn 0
Grossssssssss! Hahahaha
tangothis 0
Are you me? Lol same mindset, I can deal with kids until they hit 5 or until they start going to school. After that, it's all she wrote. Yuck.
liliannn 0
What a cute kid. Haha. Bet he taught YOU a lesson. xD