Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML
Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Fernmelder 0
that is nasty
crazychika 0
Ewwwww! What a little bugger! Yea... here's one reason why I'm NOT having kids :P
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (237)
Starchild21 3
Ewwwwwww lol so nasty. It reminded me of the time this one kid passed out in the room, my roommates and I taped him to the ceiling, went outside and got some crickets, stuffed them in his mouth and taped his mouth shut, and threw the party we were going to have anyway. Haha he woke up 3 hours into it with well over 40 people staring at him. That's what you get for slapping your girlfriend and pregaming so hard.
screwtaylor 0
Marry me.
quackquackquac 0
lol. how do you sleep so you don't even notice that someone's taping you to the ceiling and shoving crickets in your mouth.
Starchild21 3
I said he passed out. He slapped his girlfriend earlier in the day and pregamed hard before the party. It was right when he passed out his girl came over, told us, and then we got a bright idea lol. A few weeks later actually he did the same thing, like deja vu, and we ended up putting him in a trashcan, driving over to a hill, and watch his ass tumble down lol. Good times :) All abusive boyfriends deserve a painful punishment. ___________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
stixjd90 0
i second that last bit, Starchild21.
blondebutterfly8 5
i hope you know that that person could have choked on the crickets and died. Maybe you should invest in soap in a rope, just in case you get another stupid idea that has the potential for disaster.
Bleedingclaw 0
Funny and FYL you can't control if your mouth is open while you sleep so...you technically didn't deserve none of this(it's a dumb reason in my personal opinion)
laters_taters 0
Well he COULD have choked and died. But then again, he COULD have slapped his girlfriend so hard she choked on her own tounge and died. Grow a sense of humor, yessum?
lrb081 0
why has he not received his chicken pox vaccine? they are given long before that age.
Beef_Sister 0
just because you get the vaccine doesnt mean it always works 100%...
RyeBreadBoy 0
That's why you get titers drawn. To find out whether you're immune. If you're immune, it works 100% of the time. I'm fairly confident the varicella vaccine works for virtually everyone, though. Do you see many kids with chicken pox these days?
screwtaylor 0
I bet those scabs were delicious and salty. Yum.
Mayz_fml 0
Hahahaha, agreed.
Amysbodybetrayal 0
Yummy, nothing like a good homemade scab. Fresh-picked, too!
C2Ultima 0
ohh. Nasty!
glostik 0
OMG! How gross! FYL
nixxx90 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit
plexico 4
Were you dreaming about eating potato chips from the sky?
buddy51 23
Yum! Tastes like chicken!!!
x_Leopard_x 1
Eww, that's disgusting. Poor you! :O