Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML
Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML
Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
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Top comments
Fernmelder 0
that is nasty
crazychika 0
Ewwwww! What a little bugger! Yea... here's one reason why I'm NOT having kids :P
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Comments (237)
shootingstar8D 0
Gross hah teach him manners
aback 5
Kid obviously wants some attention. Give him some. An assbeating would be good for starters.
katanphetamine 0
I wonder what made him think he could do that...my niece is 2, and she would have woken u up and pushed him off. Your kid hates you, dude. fyl.
blah123blah 0
I bet the kid saw the OP eat his/her scabs (some freaks do this), and thought the OP liked to eat them. Breakfast in bed, how sweet. Still ****** up.
numberfortytwo 0
at least they weren't smallpox scabs!
ellysa_fml 0
What the ****.
pyros09 0
There's only one thing i can say to this..... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
babyjay424 0
ydi for being asleep while your son is up and has the freedom to do what he pleases he could of started a fire! nice parenting
Renalia 5
Yeah. Because it's not like it could have been nighttime and her son woke up. After all, when you send a kid to bed, they stay asleep throughout the entire night.
skiddyrow 0
"could have"...why do all the trolls have such bad grammar...
fMYYYlife 0
Have you ever heard of a husband!? Some people have them! MAybe he was watching the kid. Don't be so quick to assume you look dumb
wordgirl 0
Your misfortune has caused me such joy. :) Sorry, sweetie; at least you have an UNBEATABLE story to tell when mothers sit together and tell war tales. Seriously, you're set for life with this kid. When you're 95 and being put into a nursing home, get the good one, and tell him/her this is why you deserve it. :)
ashtongale 0
HOLY COW!!! I've been laughing at this for at least thirty minutes. Wow. Hahahaha. My son is one, so I guess I get to look forward to that.