Kids: Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother...

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 976

You deserved it 4 752

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Same thing different taste

By life insurance for 1 - 30/05/2013 16:29 - United States - Encino

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 696

You deserved it 5 580

By blueberry_hill - 11/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 787

You deserved it 6 128

By DrtySnchez - 18/08/2013 09:37 - United States - Statham

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 973

You deserved it 3 649

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 198

You deserved it 4 736

Sleep demon

By good big sister? - 02/07/2013 17:39 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 093

You deserved it 4 718

By Anonymous - 22/10/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 388

You deserved it 2 990

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 10:26 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 551

You deserved it 3 120

By Anonymous - 20/10/2012 08:42 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 933

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 09:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 149

You deserved it 4 166

amadeclton 27

Monday 3 November 2014 0:07

Time for counseling?

Marie54321 19

Monday 3 November 2014 0:07

Sounds like the beginnings of a serial killer...

Comments

DenverTyrrell 13

Monday 3 November 2014 1:04

Wow you need to get him some help good luck hope it all works out

KayyKaylyn 14

Monday 3 November 2014 1:09

Time to start locking your bedroom door.

ethan_unoxx 29

Monday 3 November 2014 1:13

how is this suppose to help OP? this is not martial arts class.

vikky538 28

Monday 3 November 2014 1:23

and what's your hubby doing... watching?

TheLadyOpal 30

Monday 3 November 2014 2:06

Maybe she doesn't have a husband, or he could have just simply not been in the room.

pl0xs3rver 45

Monday 3 November 2014 1:49

#30: Pretty sure #26 was being sarcastic

ThepurpleCow 19

Monday 3 November 2014 1:52

Off to Guidance counselor with you!

KittyyCattyy 9

Monday 3 November 2014 2:08

Get him in therapy before it's too late.

mld4657 28

Monday 3 November 2014 2:10

what did you do to pass him off?!?!? and I think counseling should be in order

spikey818 9

Monday 3 November 2014 2:15

Surprise pillow fight!

rosso700 14

Monday 3 November 2014 2:22

Was he possessed?

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The Top

Today, I got popcorn when getting groceries. I was excited to see popcorn butter spray on sale and decided to try it. Excited, I made some popcorn while I went to use the can. Butter sprayed like an aerosol can all over my desk and floor. Now, my apartment smells like a movie theater and there's butter EVERYWHERE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 332

Today, my sister is furious with me and said i will never see my nieces again. Last weekend, while I babysat for her, I taught them the meaning of veganism and animal rights, even showing them a few videos about the meat and dairy industry, and how the animals are kept and treated. Now she won’t speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 3 554

The Top

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 354

You deserved it 7 528

Today, on my way back from a family trip, my fiancé informed me via text that he'd been cheating on me for years and that he'd moved out of our house and left the state. He blocked me before I could respond. We were together for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 546

You deserved it 339

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 468

You deserved it 4 349

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 621

You deserved it 3 822

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 806

You deserved it 5 600

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 999

You deserved it 3 938

Same thing different taste

Sleep demon

Back-seat parenting

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