Kids: Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 976

You deserved it 4 752

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Same thing different taste

By life insurance for 1 - 30/05/2013 16:29 - United States - Encino

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 696

You deserved it 5 580

By blueberry_hill - 11/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 787

You deserved it 6 128

By DrtySnchez - 18/08/2013 09:37 - United States - Statham

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 973

You deserved it 3 649

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 197

You deserved it 4 736

Sleep demon

By good big sister? - 02/07/2013 17:39 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 093

You deserved it 4 718

By Anonymous - 22/10/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 388

You deserved it 2 990

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 10:26 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 551

You deserved it 3 120

By Anonymous - 20/10/2012 08:42 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 933

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 09:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 149

You deserved it 4 166

Next

Top comments

amadeclton 27

Monday 3 November 2014 0:07

Time for counseling?

Marie54321 19

Monday 3 November 2014 0:07

Sounds like the beginnings of a serial killer...

Comments

JuggaloSimms1441 16

Monday 3 November 2014 6:32

What did you do bad enough for your son to try and smother you? That's the question here lol??? Little boy needs help but has style lol!

martin8337 35

Monday 3 November 2014 6:48

Michael Meyers? Timing of this is so weird.

Wakachulak 22

Monday 3 November 2014 7:26

OMG, that is just too cute! Your kid is adorable!

itsme82 18

Monday 3 November 2014 7:48

I think all the people asking what the parent did are the kid angry are idiots.

Mortoli 30

Monday 3 November 2014 11:47

Just sounds like yet another method of killing Lois. Lol.

Parvati48 15

Monday 3 November 2014 12:34

Get that little psycho into therapy ASAP before something worse happens...sorry OP. :/

MrCantgetright 4

Monday 3 November 2014 13:25

wow, those ISIL recruiters are working overtime aren't they?

TheNiceOne 20

Monday 3 November 2014 13:40

"I wanted an ps4, not an xbox 360!"

justinemalang1 14

Monday 3 November 2014 13:59

What the ****?... What's wrong with the goddamn kid? No matter what you did, he should never even think if doing such a thing to his father or mother.

Trolloled 16

Monday 3 November 2014 14:59

Always smothering... never sfathering... I see a pattern.

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The Top

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 101

You deserved it 36 910

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my knob was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 236

You deserved it 6 703

The Top

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 945

You deserved it 1 825

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 812

You deserved it 12 927

Today, the way some people just pry into others' life is annoying me. I have very little patience for nosy people who imply and make assumptions about you based on very little information,then air out in a work environment. The anger I felt towards you, my coworker, oh my god. I know he noticed and I don't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 332

Today, my gallstones flared up so badly an ambulance was called. I needed the strongest painkillers they could supply and had even more at the hospital. When my boyfriend came to visit me, instead of comforting words, he told me that "being kicked in the balls is still worse". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 304

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I think I'm suffering from schizophrenia. They refused to discuss it after telling me, "It's all in my head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 127

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 576

You deserved it 6 950