Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
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Top comments
asoep 4
run, run far away
Trivision 10
Oh no, not another Paranormal Activity! This will be like, what? 27?
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Comments (190)
GEBEH 14
Atleast you can take comfort in that he is probably to weak to suffocate you with a pillow.
asdghjk 7
at the moment...
threer 30
But Steve isn't. >::::)
ameyer13 8
Hm. I would talk to my son if I had one. It's time to burst the imaginary friend bubble
Dawnstempest 17
Well it sounds like you need an old priest and a young priest.
incoherentrmblr 22
See a psychiatrist.
Axipiter 24
"Peter you need to see the psychiatrist" "I hate the psychiatrist!"
theonex17 15
"Kill John Lennon...."
Soniye 14
16- You suck for being a John Lennon hater -.-t
Myo_fml 20
It was a South Park quote, a very poorly used one at that.
HeartOfLead 24
Nah, he just came back from the most epic pillow fight ever.
emydbby11 8
Move asap
queerdragon 20
And what...? Leave the kid behind?
nerdking21 10
I think #22 is thinking of an Insidious-like situation.
gavagoul 10
This is reminding me of the Conjuring..
Myo_fml 20
Except nothing like this even happened in The Conjuring.
gavagoul 10
Well, the one kid did have an imaginary friend or something like that
Myo_fml 20
It was a ghost child that was murdered by the witch mother... Yes, I've seen it... Quite mediocre in fact.
buckdharma 38
You must be the mega-bitch.
soapmactavish82 8
That would make a great scene to a movie