Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML
Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
unknown_user5566 26
Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.
sarahlove281 4
6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.
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Comments (211)
jarockstar27 10
Aaannndd its time for the cat to get spayed!
UsernameHere234 13
BUT... wait for her to stop being in heat otherwise the hormones can produce pregnancy symptoms.
kimg0885 23
Cats in heat are the worse. I once saw two cats humping in the street and they wouldn't even move for my car or the honking. Imagine if people were like that, gross.
99megster 15
That mental image you gave me was hilarious! Hahaha. Did you have to drive around them?!
kimg0885 23
Yeah I tried splashing them with my water because I didn't want someone else to hit them but when that didn't work I figured your on your own kitties, and went around. I was to afraid to actually try and separate them.
99megster 15
Wow, those cats were inseparable! They probably would've ripped your arm off if you tried to pull them apart :p
laden_swallow09 34
Nah. Let Mother Nature have her way with them.
Trisha_aus 15
Humans are worse.
falon142012 22
I believe it's because the male cat's penis has barbs on it that face inward…so it rips out of the female cat. probably why they wouldn't come apart. /:
KiddNYC1O 20
Lol that's a good ****.
outoftown 26
#44, You have humans humping in your streets?! Wild town.
Jdog619 11
Give her what she wants, so she'll have something to really howl about. ;)
Cowgirl9999 8
Spaying time!
BobbyBoss 10
Wtf is a Nazgûl??
99megster 15
Refer to #7.
mtlfenix 7
Dude Get an HB pencil and use the eraser end to service her needs ... Unless she's one of those bitches who prefers the big black markers, She'll leave you alone for 1 day ... Or so a friend tells me .....
zandalee 19
Ewww. That's just ****** gross!!
unknown_user5566 26
I foresee your computer being searched by the government due to animal **** in your browsing history.
quite_bored 9
Your "friend" sexually pleasures their cat? O.o
angryseatroll 5
I laughed so hard at this, I cried.
SqueakyChipmunk 21
When cars mate, it terrifies me. Male cats have ******* BARBS ON THEIR DICKS. I cringe even thinking about it.
zandalee 19
**** I'd be terrified watching cars mate too! .... The barbs are what makes the female cats scream. Is brutal.
unknown_user5566 26
Squeaky- More often than not, I laugh when I read your comments. Your use of RANDOM SHOUTY CAPS gets me every time.
JoeParris 1
Cars mate? Lol
duckiegirl21 10
I had a mental image of Lightning McQueen humping a porsche.
SqueakyChipmunk 21
Cats! CATS GODDAMNIT! *slams head against the wall* You guys have scarred me for life with the "image of Lightning McQueen" thing.
Hiphuray4peas 27
I keep picturing the which king of angmar mooning OP.
Ray_of_midnight 22
Is she trying to win some sort of cat ass trophy?
LizzCat77 9
Haha. Cat ass trophy. That made me laugh my ass off for some reason.