Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML
Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
unknown_user5566 26
Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.
sarahlove281 4
6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.
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Comments (211)
wnibeck 8
YDI for not getting her spayed.
myndmelt 4
Schedule an appointment to get her spayed :)
dragynfyre 4
My demon kitty Tahkisis went into heat super early. Many vets prefer to wait until the cat is 6months old or has had at least one "cycle". what they fail to mention is a cycle can last as long as three weeks. Tahkisis never stuck her ass in my face, but she sure loved to back it up on my shoes. I ended up paying 200$ to get her fixed while in heat. Expensive, but oh so worth it.
jessmartin1993 6
It shouldn't have cost extra to get your cat spayed during heat...
shannon.elizabeth 13
yes it should. a necrotic uterus (full of dead blood) takes longer to be taken out as it is swollen and obviously full of blood. although they dont bleed in the way dogs do their uterus will swell from hormonal arousal so shut the **** up and learn before commenting. nearly everywhere will spay your cat at 8 weeks old (or 2 lbs) and it will cost more if theyre currently in heat.
FuckedUpBad 5
I've never heard of a modern vet doing that, that was something they told people in the 60's. The new requirement is that they be 2 lbs, which happens much earlier. It's actually more harmful to wait after they've had a cycle.
roachyroo 5
I took care of a cat who was in heat for three months in a row and then she died. She was really old, and a stray.
Brizzle164 4
talk about a hot pussy huh lmao
bidon121 9
My cat's name is Nazgûl...
tomiller64 0
Sounds like she wants the D
bleddyn13 1
Well, you should have gotten her spayed. Ydi.
zuelhater 7
A bullet to the cat would solve this issue
SamCrow 1
Cats are useless. Why own one?
SrakaSrakasta 20
Why did your parents have YOU? Because commenting on here doesnt make you really "usefull" either..