Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML
Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
unknown_user5566 26
Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.
sarahlove281 4
6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.
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Comments (211)
Matty1188 6
YDI for not spaying her.
MiloBear 11
My sister's cat sticks her ass in my face and she was spayed six years ago.
wnibeck 8
YDI for not getting her spayed.
mydodee1999 1
I'm having the same problem with mine. Shes just finishing but the freaking howling all night was driving me crazy. It's such ashame to see the idiots that post stupid crap on here. Grow up assholes.
Calyx_fml 21
One feline sphincter ring to rule them all.
reusster 1
Don't forget, have your pets spayed or neutered. If everyone would just listen to Bob Barker, your cat being in heat wouldn't be an issue.
zach8771 3
Call gandalf!
doodlecloud 26
And that's why you should have cats spayed/neutered. Unless your planning on her breeding for kittens it's just cruel to leave her like this, all hormonal and unfulfilled. And if you let her outside then it's downright stupud. She could get impregnated by another cat which is dangerous if they're too young for kittens and if she's not too young then you have to find homes for all the kittens.
doodlecloud 26
*stupid
Quiet_one 22
Unless you then have her spayed while she's pregnant, but that opens up a whole other issue altogether since it's technically abortion. My cat is the result of a pregnant spay that was cancelled at the last minute because the owners of the mama changed their mind when the vet told them how far along she really was. Three days later, she had 7 kittens. (All of which found homes, fortunately) Obviously I'm glad this case turned out the way it did because now I have my cat, but neglecting to spay and neuter your pets is no joke.
juen8940 1
You can't get mad at an animal for acting on a natural impulse. Get your cat spayed, idiot.
Knarf_fml 10
OP, unless she's a show cat which cost you thousands of dollars, and you planned on breeding her, you should have taken your responsibility a lot more seriously! Do know how many cats euthanized each year because of lazy owners? Shame on you, especially when Spay/Neuter clinics do it for low cost.