By soph511 - 30/07/2012 18:05 - France - Hy?res

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
I agree, your life sucks 24 512
You deserved it 4 661

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unknown_user5566 26

Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.

6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.

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unknown_user5566 26

Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.

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6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.

Oops, I meant specifically for the purpose of getting pregnant. Sorry about that!

Maybe none of the ones you've met..

17- you're an idiot. stop now before you dumb us all down.

17- what kind of dirty shit were you sleeping around with..

unknown_user5566 26

Didn't realize I was going to start a debate about Aunt Flow's monthly visits. Whoops! I didn't mean to imply anything about women. Simply stating that animals in heat are a pain in the ass, which they definitely are.

Kyleekay, cats don't have periods like dogs do, so no diapers needed :) they don't actually ovulate until they have intercourse, so every time they do, an egg is fertilized.

unknown_user5566 26

69- Ah, thank you for the information! Lucky cat owners. It was such a pain to deal with my dog when she was in heat. Thank God I have wood floors and a Swiffer Mop. :)

Cats are more annoying though. They go around wailing their heads off, and throwing their 'cat' at everyone.

Cats in heat are annoying as heck. They wail like they're being killed in the middle of the night; and male cats would surround my house every time she did that. Fun fact: cat penises have spikes on them that scratches the female's vaginal walls during intercourse and promotes ovulation. That's why the cats always sound like they're dying when they're having sex. :)

unknown_user5566 26

81- Holy shit. Are you serious? If I were a cat, I think I'd be abstinent. Spikes on a penis? No fucking thank you.

Cats are worse than dogs in heat lol. They don't bleed but they walk around with their ass in the air making really weird and loud noises and peeing/releasing their scent on everything they can. And, they go into heat like every 2 weeks lol.

Thanks for not saying "first"..

This set of comments made me laugh my ass off! Going to put the fml in my favorites so I can get a good laugh when I need it. Op fyl if this is her first time in heat. Ydi if you have been procrastinating doing so. I know money may be an issue but there are some vets that will do it for cheap. Unless you can't

My friends cat "angel" only fulfills her name when in heat. The rest of the time they call her demon. My dog however is just to sweet and to cleanly all the time for me to tell when, well... Ya.... I'm gettin pups out of that evolutionary advanced dog.

I have two female dogs in my house and we haven't spayed them. We've had them for about 6 years- and we haven't had a single problem when they are in heat.

Kylee u r gorgeous just FYI.

OP, do what Cartman did when his cat was in heat. "No Kitty that's a bad kitty! Shut up Kitty!" and whisk him in the head with a stick. South Park reference. Had to give the credit

Sorry. Whack him in the head

@ TheMathMajor and anyone else who misunderstood Klayklee's point, The diapers are for the sake of keeping the males from getting in there, not for "periods."

#69: Its funny that you say that when your comment 69.

@202 I had a dog period all over my pillow once I think the diapers are for both

Your all complaining about cats and dogs being in heat, Horses are the fucking worst.

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But dogs go into heat as well. Along with many other animals.

2- fuck you, cats are fucking amazing

You are a sad, sad little creature, 2.

Amen brother! Cats can be cool sometimes but they are always dicks. Dogs are way better.

I don't understand why people don't understand that people are also animals... Looking at you 14. And anyone else who doesn't understand this basic concept.

Cats don't give a shit about you so why should you give a shit about cats? You are probably just another cat person who likes eating off of tables covered with cat hair and cat shit and other cat bodily excretions. Cats are worthless as pets.

My cats happen to love me so do my dogs. I love all animals including humans. My dogs wont cuddle up and stay but my cats cuddle up againste and stays. I love them all though equally.

Worthless? I have a newborn kitten sleeping on my arm as I write this and he wakes up giving me adoring eyes of love. The brother gives baby meows to greet us when he wakes up and constantly washes us to show trust. In my 25 years with felines I've never found them worthless, even despite my high allergy to them.

For your information my cats do not shit on themselves. And my cats are awesome and you are an ass

Incorrect. Cats are not worthless pets. Mine is a hunter. So every time some foul demonic critter (spider, lizard, cockroach, mouse, etc) gets into the house, she catches and kills it. They are very loving and loyal to their owners. Not to mention not all cats get on tables. Just because you have to earn a cats love doesn't mean they aren't good pets. You come off as very ignorant AZ.

103- I was aware that people are also considered animals. However, I was making a simple joke, so chill out. P.S. I would learn how to write a complete sentence before criticizing others on anything, o' enlightened one.

The idea that cats are not loving & loyal pets is complete bull... I have 2 cats & they are incredibly loving. They come when I call & snuggle into my lap for naps & petting. Both of mine were rescues & they seem to understand the difference between their lives now & before they were taken in. They even try to care for me when I'm injured. After I had surgery, they could smell the blood & pain & didn't leave my side for almost a week. I just wish people would understand that it's a simple question of preference & not be so rude or cruel about it.

118) Remind me to never come to your house. *shivers*

AZ, you don't know your Shit. Cats vary more in personality true and some can be very cold to their owners true but often times that is because they haven't been socialized as they should be. My cat will sit at the screen door and meow for help from the rest of my family, if they are outside, when I get a bloody nose. He meows for me when I walk outside and he always comes to greet me when I get home. He also will come when called. And it's easy to train your cats not to go up on the table and counter, my cats don't.

Your cats shit and use their paws to try to cover it. In going so they get cat shit on their feet then jump to your table and spread it to you and your food.

Washes you? Give me a break!

167- I live in Florida...no amount of pest control can keep the lizards and spiders at bay :/

You don't know anything about cats. It's called social grooming.

Let me explain something to you, AZ... Cats are just a different flavor of pet. Dogs have some seriously nasty habits as well, you know... They go & eat poop & then lick your face. However, unlike you, I will admit that not every dog has that nasty habit. Just like not every cat jumps on the table. Mine never do. As for getting waste on their paws? That only happens if the owner isn't responsible & cleans the box as often as they should. Stop sounding so ignorant by generalizing every cat. They have as many varied personalities & habits as dogs do. They can be trained & can be very loyal & loving pets. As I'm writing this, my little female LuLu is curled up in my lap purring like a madman with the most loving expression & every time I pause in typing, she starts grooming my arms & hands to show affection... Stop being so cruel & generalizing like that. It makes you sound ignorant & incredibly rude.

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Heat: They want to mate. Mate: Have sex.

Lol is not a word guys. On the website rules it clearly says no commenting in text language.

You just said it too! It's not like they were typing whole comments in it anyway, which I guess why their comments are still up. Lol.

Sorry 48, I wasn't aware that it broke the rules of the Internet to say "lol" after a comment. I'll make sure to keep that in mind, officer.

Why the FUCK am I the only person who is most concerned about this asshat not knowing what a Nazgul is...

Nazguls are those freaky things that chase the ring in LOTR

No actually going into heat is animal period basically. You know animal menstruation.

Actually 102 it isn't for cats. For dogs you could make that argument because dogs release one egg every month just like humans. Cats however release an egg only after sex, which is prompted by tiny spikes in the males penis where when the male pulls out it causes immense pain and the secretion of an egg from the ovaries.

That was seriously a disturbing image. Penis spikes? :/

Wow I could have lived without knowing the in-depth details of cats' mating habits.

Don't look up bug penises then. Or duck penises

Lord of the rings dumbass.....

Am I the only one concerned by how much these people know about various animal penises?

No... But you are a moron

131- I know this stuff because I am a vet in training. Sorry to all those who got grossed out. But it's also very impressive that because of that aspect they are exceptionally good at making kittens. You always hear the quote that everything about a cat is either geared towards killing or sex and it is so true

Some people have lives and think that lord of the rings is fucking gay

Gross, yet interesting.

Nazgûls are the dark creatures that go after the One Ring in Lord of the Rings. Get your LOTR shit together, guys. ;)

It made me cringe when somebody asked what a nazgul was lol how dare they not know this

I swear! I laughed so hard when I imagined a nazgul in the op's face

I was gonna say their life sucks but the nazgul part made me laugh too hard to do it.

unknown_user5566 26

FML has been very educational recently. I had no idea what Nazguls were, until this post. I suppose I should go back and re-watch LOTR, or read the books.

Well sorry not everybody rides lotr dick

87- You definitely should! I favorited this simply because the author referenced LOTR :P

Get a spray-bottle of water, and keep that damn horny cat away from your face! Oh, and hide ALL the jewelry....for obvious reasons.

Actually not obvious, do cats in heat become kleptos or something?

Kindly refer to number seven, Sir or Madame.

That's why I always prefer males as pets. They just like humping stuff which honestly, what guy doesn't?

Males can be just as disgusting because they spray. And trust me, that isn't fun either. That's why you spay and neuter your pet if you don't wanna put up with the stuff

But you can cheese your balls off with a male cat. Haha south park reference if you get confused. But I never had a cat so I personally never had to deal with that. More of a dog person myself.

unknown_user5566 26

Baustigt, those murderous sprees don't count unless she's caught. Just have her bat those gorgeous eyes, and she'll be fine. ;)

This is part of the reason that I never want a pet. I will not be a ball cutter haha.

unknown_user5566 26

84- Fair enough. When I had to neuter my pitbull mix, Boston, he looked so sad that I wanted to cry.

84- getting your pet fixed does seem cruel at the time but there are many benefits such as a longer life and decreased chances of certain diseases.

So.. May I chop your balls off?? I mean you do live longer and less chance of certain diseases..

I hump my dog when hes in heat

I remember having to spay my Springer Spaniel later in life. After the week with the cone it came off we were sitting in our living room and the dog went to investigate what happened, when he looked up at both of us his eyes told us everything! I felt so guilty, my wife however had a differing opinion! ? take em off with out missing a beat! It had to be done for medical reasons, but still felt really bad!

Not spayed I meant neutered! Poor guy!

Except male cats piss everywhere... And it stinks to high heavens.

I feel bad for domestic pets. If their owner wills it, everything can be gone in a flash. As a chipmunk, I say: You can't touch this.

115- I was mentioning some of the things people don't think of when they get their pet fixed. Let me word it this way, you know how many animals are put down at animal adoption services like SPCA's? Tonnes. You don't want to know the figures cuz it will make many people depressed. And that's because there aren't enough people to buy them. Many of these animals are puppies and kittens who would make a great pet. So would you rather not spay or neuter your pet and contribute to those numbers of needlessly killed kittens and puppies?

Nice name choice for your dog :3 when we bought our German shepherd @ 7 months she came fixed already. She's such a sweet heart

Haha seriously how would any of you like getting your balls chopped off or have your ability to procreate taken because someone above you thinks it will keep you from certain diseases and make life longer. Just don't seem right to me.

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Haha, a dick as your nose is every woman's dream.

I once saw someone had a Groucho Marx rubber nose and glasses, except it had a dick for the nose. I need to get me one of those!

Dick-nose? Has anyone ever seen "Cyrano de Burgerac"? My apologies on "Burgerac". I have no clue how to spell his name.

Perdix, you could have done better.

unknown_user5566 26

82- Despite popular belief, perdix is indeed human, and therefore will not write hysterical comments 100% of the time. Don't get me wrong- I love me some perdix- but I don't expect perfection.

Here's some advice: do NOT let her outside. Unless you want kittens. I can assure you, she will most likely come home pregnant.

I doubt it. If its shrieking like a Nazgul then as soon as it goes outside its gonna search for Frodo

Spay your cat, jeez. Wayta be a responsible pet owner.

unknown_user5566 26

Wayta be a terrible speller, jeez. There are various reasons the cat isn't spayed. OP may want to breed cats, or she may not have the money to get it spayed right now. This situation doesn't automatically mean she's not a responsible pet owner.

Exactly, spaying your cat is quite pricey! I believe it is around $200. A lot of people can't afford it.

Actually it does say she an irresponsible pet owner because animals live longer when they have been fixed. They are less likely to run away, get into a fight, are protected from types of diseases even. Also with over 4 million animals a year being put down (killed) its very irresponsible to leave a cat unfixed.

Nikki.... Not everybody can have $300 to spare for their cat they got of the street.

I agree. You shouldn't get a pet you can't properly care for ; spaying is one of those things. Look around many places offer low cost spaying for that very reason.

unknown_user5566 26

53- This is true, but it's still unfair to assume that OP is irresponsible based on this FML. For all we know, OP took the cat for a friend and it went into heat within a few days of OP taking it in. But overall, spaying/neutering is the best option. It's sad how many animals are left to die in pet shelters.

this is probably gonna get thumbed down but I live on a farm and we got our cat neutered for less than 20$ by one of our truck drivers. a pair of overalls and some duct tape and you're good to go! (and some anesthetic. NO the cat was not awake when he got the operation)

That's so fucked up. Would you trust a truck driver to perform surgery on you?

71, that's just stupid your asking for an infection and serious internal bleeding. There are spay and neuter clinics that do solely that for cheap and they do it well and properly.

@34 It's actually between 35 and 150. DDFL does it with shots for $40.

Wow your dumb for thinking its that much! And also why would OP call it "my cat" if it wasn't really his cat???? Just saying its irresponsible to keep a pet if you can't afford to take care of it properly.

Breeding is actually an inrresponsible practice for the average pet owner, and it's plain stupid considering how many homeless animals there are. Being unable to afford a spay or neuter is also not an excuse. Try not owning an animal if you don't have the money. Opting out of a spay/neuter is not a "right" of the owner, it's asinine.

Ah cats are so nasty when they're in heat!

Agree. Mine used to go over to the neighbors place, rape her cat, beat up the other male cat, break into the house and piss in her bedroom, on her bed. I had to get him fixed before she was completely traumatized by my little monster. He was as sweet as pie afterwards!