Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML
Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
unknown_user5566 26
Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.
sarahlove281 4
6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.
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Comments (211)
DanielleinDC 33
I've heard that you can't spay a cat while she's in heat. Start looking for low-cost clinics where you can get your cat spayed and then have her spayed. That said, my cat--who was spayed when I adopted her from a shelter--likes to stick her butt in my face and whap me with her tail. Some cats will do that because kittens will present their backsides to their moms for inspection and many domesticated cats look on their humans as substitute moms.
hazins 2
This is perfect because of the Nazgul comparison.
kitsune3 20
Oh my word. I almost can't type, I'm shaking so hard from laughter. The FMLs involving cats are always the most hilarious.
wonderfool1990 2
wow,you must got a nose that looks like a male cat's dick
thehurricanekid 6
Why didn't you listen to Bob Barker?
Pharmaceutical1 1
My cats in heat atm too, had her scheduled for desexing tomorrow and she went into heat yesterday, have to put up with her for 2 weeks now :(
ceejayy22 0
Hahahaha omg I think I just cried!
blossomluv 0
Kyleekay seems coik
blossomluv 0
Cool
Termanator141 12
for those of you who dont know a Nazgûl is a dragon type animal from lord of the ring the whitch king of Angmar rides one
IndridWarm 23
Actually the king IS a nazgul. They're the nine themselves, not their rides
Hiimhaileypotter 52
The draconic creatures the Nazgûl ride are called Fell Beasts.
MYpenguinLOVESme 1
Ha my cat is doing the same... I can relate.