By Anonymous

Thanks but no thanks.

Today, as my husband and I were leaving our wedding reception, my mother-in-law hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You're gonna do great tonight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4357

You deserved it

462

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Love

Intimacy

Walk on the wild side

Double standards

Jealousy

By a816090

Family portrait

Today, my boyfriend sent a picture of me posing with our dog to his family via a group text. Along with our 25" bong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

730

You deserved it

1211

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked until the lavender caught on fire which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34162

You deserved it

11665

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By MADfml - United States

Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59482

You deserved it

5181

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By Jekyll - United States - Norwell

Today, I decided that after three days, I had to cut short my hiatus from social media. I saw a correlation between that and my anxiety going through the roof, causing my work performance to suffer. I’m so addicted to social media that in my off time, I think I was having withdrawal symptoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

792

You deserved it

1195

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By unemployedaussie - Australia - Perth

Today, I was fired because my boss found out I had been looking for a new job. Then, I got a call from my only job prospect, saying I was overqualified and too young to work there as a waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14088

You deserved it

1359

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By wtfmom - United States - Clanton

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35292

You deserved it

2812

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By telefucked - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32503

You deserved it

4166

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By itsdezzz - United States - Hatfield

Today, I noticed a customer looking for expired products in hopes of receiving a coupon from my store. I told them to let me know if they found anything. They promptly began following me around, telling me how to do my job, only to later file a complaint saying that I was harassing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20281

You deserved it

1339

Favorite

By TCRII - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3291

You deserved it

614

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28410

You deserved it

5597

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By Dez - United States - Anchorage

Apparently not.

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

4988

You deserved it

396

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By mathguy - United States - Green Bay

Today, I went for a job interview for a building position at a retail store. They saw on my application that I was good at math. They asked me what the circumference of a circle is. Being nervous during the interview, I accidentally said the area of a circle. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23252

You deserved it

7330

Favorite

By reesemaster - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32118

You deserved it

9819

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By MrsRODixon - United Kingdom - Pencoed

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31720

You deserved it

2809

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By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42646

You deserved it

18755

Favorite

By fatpooch - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35622

You deserved it

4812

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By pear8head - United States

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54103

You deserved it

5869

Favorite

By bitchface - United States

Today, I looked at my father's facebook for the first time in a month to see his status and it said "making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31791

You deserved it

3041

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43829

You deserved it

2856

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64760

You deserved it

14895

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By Chris - Ireland

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12621

You deserved it

29016

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By yogabbagabba - United States

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20155

You deserved it

38670

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By Thanh Quang

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40493

You deserved it

14771

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By notmycircus - United States - Cincinnati

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group for the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37628

You deserved it

2618

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43536

You deserved it

4772

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By ....... - United States

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks

258161

You deserved it

42670

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45447

You deserved it

6508

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By loon - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70680

You deserved it

9710

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By ilovemymomma - United States - Hereford

Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39104

You deserved it

10276

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41514

You deserved it

3153

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 06:57 - United Kingdom - Boston

Stuck

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

640

You deserved it

128

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By She totally did not cheat

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3163

You deserved it

238

Favorite

By MichiganExile - United States

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33459

You deserved it

5886

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By Spac3Ghost - China

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8589

You deserved it

26233

Favorite

By Embarassed - United States - Kent

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54432

You deserved it

15850

Favorite

By maribel - United States

Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, and the woman he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51451

You deserved it

4093

Favorite

By atleese - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18375

You deserved it

31775

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31051

You deserved it

1912

Favorite

By knicksfan - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97765

You deserved it

6570

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By Anonymous - India - New Delhi

Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18883

You deserved it

6108

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Top comments

By exileonmainst | 16

#7534181 - Saturday 26 August 2017 16:09

Film it so you can prove her wrong! It's important to get those early wins against your parents-in-law!

By Fucc_Logic_4evah | 13

#7534206 - Saturday 26 August 2017 16:58

I get the feeling she'd like to help you...

COMMENTS

By exileonmainst | 16

#7534181 - Saturday 26 August 2017 16:09

Film it so you can prove her wrong! It's important to get those early wins against your parents-in-law!

By Fucc_Logic_4evah | 13

#7534206 - Saturday 26 August 2017 16:58

I get the feeling she'd like to help you...

By RichardPencil | 29

#7534208 - Saturday 26 August 2017 17:05

You should say, “Hey, it’s your son who is under pressure — all I have to do is lie there.”

By mt21mt | 15

#7534211 - Saturday 26 August 2017 17:10

All it says is, "thanks, but no thanks." Is there more to this fml?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7534212 - Saturday 26 August 2017 17:11

At least she's being supportive? But that's kind of weird... like, how does she know? :O

Liongoddess8 | 18

#7534269 - Saturday 26 August 2017 21:23

It's tradition, on your wedding night.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7534253 - Saturday 26 August 2017 20:35

"I've been great before and I'll be great again tonight"

By chessu | 21

#7534256 - Saturday 26 August 2017 20:40

I don't know.. I mean it is a little weird, but at least she's really supportive of your relationship, which is not what a lot of people can say!

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7534285 - Saturday 26 August 2017 22:26

Tell her that with all of the practicing you've both been doing you'd hope so!

By John Henry | 11

#7534397 - Sunday 27 August 2017 7:21

lol YDI have a great night;)

By chosha_fml | 25

#7534489 - Sunday 27 August 2017 15:49

Ugh, she needs to get some boundaries.