Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML
Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
unknown_user5566 26
Animals in heat are such a pain in the ass. My dog went into heat the first time before we could afford to get her spayed, and it was a nightmare. I don't know if cats are the same as dogs during heat cycles, but if they are, stock up on animal diapers.
sarahlove281 4
6 - Ovulating women don't hump your leg, stick their anuses in you face when you wake up, pee on furniture to attract men, or run away from their SOs just for the purpose if getting purpose. Sorry, don't see the connection.
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Comments (211)
iceroyalty1984 14
Spay and neuter your pets, kids.
hcheetahxo 1
Amen
jessmartin1993 6
And actually if the vet doesn't do a good job, the animals can keep having heat cycles, they just can't get pregnant. But I totally agree, spay and neuter!
worldclassrager 39
cats are hard to understand...never know what is running through their minds...I am scared to ask what a Nazgûl is but I am curious...
raraisbang 12
Refer to #7.
haggis12 6
My dog does almost exactly the same thing! Only difference is she's neutered...
jessmartin1993 6
Your female dog had male parts taken off? Interesting. But female dogs can go into heat after being SPAYED if the vet missed part of the ovary, they just can't get pregnant.
charla6609 2
Get her fixed or buy a diaper n you'll be fine.
Cocokacho 2
This is why we spay our pets, kids. Also to keep them from adding to the stray animal population, but also to keep them from assaulting us with their asses and sexually confused kitty moans.
PandaPandy 6
My cat was also in heat, the best thing to do is just get her fixed unless you want this cat to have babies. Other than that it won't be having pain anymore if you fix it :) hope this helps!
greenpurpleblack 2
Reminds me of mr.kitty off of south park!
Bekll 31
No Mr. Kitty that's a bad kitty!
noisebox 1
Does that pussy smell like rotten fish?
niklyla 0
U should spay ur cat, health problems are sure to come later in life and u don't have to see her put her butt in ur face
Ryan8878 21
Adding this to my favourites list.