Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
"Pans! Who knew, right?"
purebliss_fml 19
That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?
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Comments (124)
Samus_16 4
That is so wrong of him to hit you with a pan. I would love to have you in my kitchen.
sugarbear0727 19
That sucks. I would've left though, not invited myself to make breakfast.
glamorous18 10
why would you make breakfast for a one night stand anyways?? you're supposed to leave in the morning. that's why it's called a one night stand, not a boyfriend. duhh.
UsernameAnxiety 14
Sounds like a pantastic time.
dj041392 9
Why would you cook a one night stand breakfast...?
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You might want to lay off the sauce.
LeeCards 8
At least he didn't have a gun in the oven.
Memen88 16
you definitely should have left before he woke up
Omniprism 15
He's a dumbass. He could have at least asked why you were making breakfast if he thought you were a burglar. Hope that it stays a one night stand for your sake.
disney_blonde 16
You sneak out the morning after a one night stand. You do NOT make breakfast with someone else's food.