Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
"Pans! Who knew, right?"
purebliss_fml 19
That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?
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Comments (124)
iluvpeanutbutter 22
I would be stoked to find just about anyone in my kitchen making breakfast, as long as they're making a bacon-laden breakfast for me.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
YDI for having drunk sex with someone you just met (hence the term one-night stand).
Sarah__917 14
OMG hahahaha i can't stop laughing
bmo1013 4
Wow...That must have hurt. He probably feels horrible. How did it end? For some reason I feel like it wouldn't just end as a one night stand.
SpriteAndBananas 14
"Let's boast to the internet that I have one-night-stands, that sounds like a great idea!" Not...
MisUnFortunate 31
117 you're an idiot, lots of people have one-night stands, just because you can't get laid doesn't mean you have the right to talk shit about people who can and do. Go back to your mom's basement where you belong and stop being such a douche canoe.
kendallmariee 5
Yea sorry to tell you this sweetheart, but he did that on purpose.
Baller_Bob 17
Jesus Christ some people
thecouchisalive 20
Terrible parent!
fantasyworld 39
Why did you stay?
Striker_Jr 16
Im pretty sure if i find a girl in my kitchen making me hang-over breakfast, knocking her out would be the last thing on my mind.