Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
"Pans! Who knew, right?"
purebliss_fml 19
That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?
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Comments (124)
CarynAmber 12
I'm curious to know how this ended with the cops, and what you told the hospital staff-- If you had to go,that is.
grayeyedmarine 14
why stay after a one night stand? hence "one night". get it in then get the **** out
Cristian89 29
Exactly!!
jesuismelogee 16
Why would you even stay and make breakfast? I'd get out of there.
mycatsaysmeow 7
Assuming you're a woman, I'm wondering why the heck he knocked you out with a frying pan. Most men are stronger than most women, was that really necessary? Unless of course, you walked around the kitchen with a large knife.
reflexion213 11
I'm from Texas. Regardless of sex, any unknown presence in my house gets shot first.
PerditaDessa 38
It makes more sense for OP to be a gay male.
avapaige1234 19
I would guess you were holding a kitchen knife so he thought you were an amazon and he was your hostage. Or maybe you're just not his type and he realized that when he was sober. Either way, FYL.
reflexion213 11
Deserved
banthony23 3
Perfectly common normal thing I am sure this happens all the time lol
PerditaDessa 38
I don't see why everyone is assuming OP is female. Yes, they said 'he' but gay men have one night stands as well. It makes more sense for a guy to wake up, see another guy in his house and hit him than it does for him to hit a female, to me at least. Especially, if said man is questioning his sexuality while really drunk but not sober.
Shrike 24
"Paulinapo" is a pretty damn feminine name, which by the way most gay guys aren't, contrary to popular belief.
PerditaDessa 38
You can't know for sure what their user name means. After 'Paul' it could easily be something that's in their life, or an ongoing joke. Most gay guys aren't stereotypical but all my male friends are gay and like many straight males they do have feminine moments.
TheCutestLizard 28
Why would you make breakfast for a one-night stand? That's pretty awkward in itself.
victrin 12
Well shame on him for blacking out, but you shouldn't feel entitled to rifle through a stranger's kitchen just because you've had sex. You didn't deserve it, but you have odd boundaries.