Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
"Pans! Who knew, right?"
purebliss_fml 19
That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?
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Comments (124)
GrinchFu1 27
I'll bet cash money this isn't the first time he's done this, or something like it anyway! I understand his tactic... I mean, who the hell would would wanna keep talking to a guy after he did this!?! Don't let him get off that easy. Go back tomorrow!!!
armoso231 7
One night stands are a communist scheme
KTBulldog 10
Am I the only one who thought of Tangled?
GrinchFu1 27
No!!!
SherlockHolmes69 7
A woman in the kitchen making eggs and bacon for you, who would want to ruin that ???
livewire1701 8
That's what happens when you let alcohol make decisions for you. Drink less and learn when to keep your legs closed.
Cheeley 17
Hopefully it wasn't the pan that had your breakfast in it.
buckdharma 38
Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk to you again Because as I was softly creeping making food while he was sleeping The vision of a skillet that was planted in my brain still remains Within the sound of sirens
Trix_Disorder 20
Points for originality, I suppose (and using a Simon & Garfunkel song), I'm just confused about how you initially made the connection.
Trish01 23
You try too hard, #19
GrinchFu1 27
Pure genius, brother!
that1girl1991 3
hott damn...I thought my life sucked!!
worldclassrager 41
Is it just me or has this been posted twice?
worldclassrager 41
Never mind I read this in moderation..