Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really...

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 373

You deserved it 9 845

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Same thing different taste

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 349

You deserved it 57 843

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 057

You deserved it 12 808

It's funny because it's true

By screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 800

You deserved it 12 684

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 1 911

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 640

You deserved it 34 466

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 559

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 108

You deserved it 7 100

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 837

You deserved it 4 725

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 723

With friends like these…

By marz88 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 109

You deserved it 7 254

Wizardo 33

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:12

"Pans! Who knew, right?"

purebliss_fml 19

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:17

That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?

Comments

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:53

Now my literal comment..., Drunk sex is never a good idea especially after a one night stand...the hangover and blackout will cause this...

Silent_Thrill 17

Thursday 30 May 2013 13:46

So let me get this straight. If I drink I will get a hangover and black out which will make me have a one night stand THEN I'll have drunken sex? Are you sure you're not drunk yourself?

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 30 May 2013 13:49

If you must know 46 I am under 21..and I know some of my comments don't make 100 sense of what I mean to say can be misinterpreted...

GrinchFu1 27

Friday 31 May 2013 4:47

My brain just farted...

SirEbro 7

Thursday 30 May 2013 10:53

Well at least it wasn't a knife.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Thursday 30 May 2013 11:25

He must have watched too much of "Tangled" :) Seriously OP, you should be careful though. If you both were that drunk, how can you expect to have safe sex?

Angelface1692 5

Thursday 30 May 2013 15:47

hehe love that movie xD

Miltonius 15

Thursday 30 May 2013 11:52

YDI. Getting drunk and hooking up with random people for one night stands are never wise ideas. Yes, what the guy did was fairly dumb, but to some extent, it's your fault for sleeping with someone you don't even know.

ElmoSaysSquishy 28

Thursday 30 May 2013 12:05

Last I checked OP could sleep with whomever she likes.

ciaraohagan94 5

Thursday 30 May 2013 13:10

Last I checked there was no rule that said OP couldn't sleep with whoever they liked.

ozpunker 20

Thursday 30 May 2013 12:12

I can't for the follow up on this one.

armyaggie 11

Thursday 30 May 2013 12:16

Wow. I can think of at least one extremely easy way to insure that never happens...

Archer123 3

Thursday 30 May 2013 12:39

YDI for assuming you can help yourself to breakfast?

WaywardDaughter 26

Thursday 30 May 2013 14:07

I was wondering the same thing! Why would OP assume that making breakfast in someone else's house after a one night stand is in anyway a good idea? Hell my two closest friends won't even get their own water in my house let alone cook.