Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
"Pans! Who knew, right?"
purebliss_fml 19
That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?
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Comments (124)
worldclassrager 41
Now my literal comment..., Drunk sex is never a good idea especially after a one night stand...the hangover and blackout will cause this...
Silent_Thrill 17
So let me get this straight. If I drink I will get a hangover and black out which will make me have a one night stand THEN I'll have drunken sex? Are you sure you're not drunk yourself?
worldclassrager 41
If you must know 46 I am under 21..and I know some of my comments don't make 100 sense of what I mean to say can be misinterpreted...
GrinchFu1 27
My brain just farted...
SirEbro 7
Well at least it wasn't a knife.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
He must have watched too much of "Tangled" :) Seriously OP, you should be careful though. If you both were that drunk, how can you expect to have safe sex?
Angelface1692 5
hehe love that movie xD
Miltonius 15
YDI. Getting drunk and hooking up with random people for one night stands are never wise ideas. Yes, what the guy did was fairly dumb, but to some extent, it's your fault for sleeping with someone you don't even know.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Last I checked OP could sleep with whomever she likes.
ciaraohagan94 5
Last I checked there was no rule that said OP couldn't sleep with whoever they liked.
ozpunker 20
I can't for the follow up on this one.
armyaggie 11
Wow. I can think of at least one extremely easy way to insure that never happens...
Archer123 3
YDI for assuming you can help yourself to breakfast?
WaywardDaughter 26
I was wondering the same thing! Why would OP assume that making breakfast in someone else's house after a one night stand is in anyway a good idea? Hell my two closest friends won't even get their own water in my house let alone cook.
underthesea12 24
That is why you just leave. Stop being so clingy.
Jharrist89 12
No more one night stands for you!
kelseeinez 10
AHAHA I just pictured that in my head.