Miscellaneous: Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through... - FML

By anonymous - United States

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

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The smell detective is on the case

Mother of the year

Messed up

By Toroka

All figured out

Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML

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By Broken - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

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By Idigrespectfulattire - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

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By Beuhilda - 19/5/2021 20:01

Scammed

Today, I sold a dresser on OfferUp. When I arrive at the customer’s house to deliver it and discussed the payment, she got upset and called me a selfish, greedy bitch because she’s a "single mom on food stamps." She berated me to the point of tears. I left without getting my money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

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By spiderhater - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

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By broke_kid - United States

Today, I noticed white stuff in my colored clothes as I transferred them from the washer to the dryer. That's when I realized that the white stuff is my paycheck which I had put in my pants earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

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By fml - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

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By tickyette - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

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By torchy - United States

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

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By JadeDemolition - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

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By liz - United States

Today, I was walking in Walmart and this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

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By never ending story - United States

Today, it doesn’t matter that I had major surgery on my hand 2 days ago and am supposed to be on bed rest with no hand movement for 3 weeks. According to my father and my husband, it doesn’t excuse me from wifely house duties and being the sole caretaker of our one-year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 02:04

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

Today, my friend is acting like a martyr over not wanting to get a job and guilt tripping me for having one. I mean, I hate my job but I also like my ability to pay bills, unlike some apparently. FML

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By I knew it! - United States - Washington

Today, I woke up to 6 missed calls. I called back to find a woman asking how I know her boyfriend after seeing our texts. I told her he's been my boyfriend for 4 months, and she told me he's been hers for over a year. He vehemently denied knowing who I am as I spoke, even with obvious proof. FML

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By Parent - United States - Elkhart

Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, a while after finishing and uploading a task, I looked at my peers' work to make sure I hadn't missed anything in mine. One of them had gotten the same idea and had decided to incorporate part of my work into his. "Part" as in "all". "All" as in all of his work is also all of mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

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By wtfuraretard - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

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By coleslaw - United States

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

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By Nekro_Kat - United States

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

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By szechuansauce

Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML

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By stressedmom36 - United States - Tampa

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

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By Azure_Mist - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

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By seatle girl - France - Les Mureaux

Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML

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By BigBangrocksthenight - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found my 5-year-old son prancing around in high heels and cat ears, wearing a thong as a necklace, and waving a riding crop around like a sword. He'd found the box where granny keeps her special outfits that make granddad extra happy on Friday nights. FML

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By tan disaster - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

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By behold the Underminer

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

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By Ashley

Fire…?

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

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By "mala_19"

Today, once again, my boss posted a selfie with a Snapchat filter on the company's Facebook page. She doesn't see how it's unprofessional. FML

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By Oh_Well - United States

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2021 11:01 - Canada

Now hiring. Please.

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, have a Master’s degree in chemistry and I'm still unemployed. FML

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By "bluebird97"

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

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By fmlalways - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

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By Austyn

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

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Top comments

By mosarmini | 0

#479311 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:22

O snap! well tell her..."thank god I didnt turn out a douchebag like you" case closed =]

By Dee100 | 0

#479362 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:49

She was probably joking.

COMMENTS

By Razzor | 0

#479259 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:08

Wow. That totally sucks dude =(

Reply

americayay | 0

#479287 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:15

Edited. Was not intending to apply to the first post.

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#479810 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 15:23

Well, sounds like a fucking joke. Grow up.

Reply

LewJH | 0

#479839 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 15:40

I bet it is, there's so many FMLs that are jokes that people can't see the humour in. YDI for not seeing she was joking.

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#479909 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 16:07

That's what I was thinking. You started the joke, she finished it. I hope your mom grounded you for not having a sense of humor. Jesus Christ. It's not that hard to see.

Reply

Grndslmhttr3 | 0

#480795 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 21:51

It's called a fucking joke. People are really fucking stupid when it comes to posting FMLs.

Reply

ladidaday | 0

#1204656 - Saturday 7 August 2010 20:31

Aww! ): atleast she's honest?

By Rhodacious1 | 0

#479261 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:08

Ouch.

By marleesharpie | 0

#479265 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:08

FYL. :(

By americayay | 0

#479308 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:21

Aw. That's terrible. I hope she was kidding.

By mosarmini | 0

#479311 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:22

O snap! well tell her..."thank god I didnt turn out a douchebag like you" case closed =]

By emilysanftwsom | 0

#479317 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:24

Whinge whinge whine whine waaaaaaa. Get over it.

Reply

viperviperviper | 0

#2671793 - Monday 13 June 2011 15:40

I completely agree with you

By ak7987 | 0

#479321 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:26

fymom

Reply

Trilly123 | 10

#4288778 - Wednesday 11 April 2012 9:48

I bet you'd like to...jks

By rotyeqnor | 0

#479324 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:30

Never ask questions you don't wanna know the answer to, YDI

By pkstarstorm | 0

#479340 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:37

Been there man. :[

By qwerty29 | 0

#479360 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:48

NIIIICEEE!