Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through... - FML

By anonymous - 12/8/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

This is us

Assumptions

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

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By anonymous - 8/10/2011 15:36 - Sri Lanka

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2013 01:27 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 05:47 - United States

Today, I called my parents from out of state to see if they would order me a pizza using their credit card online because I'm out of money. I haven't lived with them for the past year, and they still claim me as a dependent on their taxes. They said no. FML

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By greatstartto2010 - 3/1/2010 00:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home to find my entire video game collection and all my consoles had been stolen. Two weeks ago I brought them back from my University accommodation, specifically to stop them from being stolen while I was at home for the Christmas holiday. FML

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By CierraJordan - 14/3/2012 11:31 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

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By Anonymous90 - 24/7/2010 23:59 - Canada

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walk out to the living room, and tell my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He says no, and then pretends to fall asleep. FML

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By people suck - 28/3/2015 04:16 - United States - Oakland

Today, while at work, a customer refused to speak louder, despite me asking her to do it several times. As a result, I took her order incorrectly. The customer then finally decided to raise her voice, but only to yell at me about my poor listening skills. FML

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By defectivesuperhero - 26/10/2018 13:30

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

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By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

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By Jukka - 19/4/2011 00:48

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

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By sorry :/ - 8/2/2015 18:28 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

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By prego - 13/4/2012 14:15 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

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By grace - 13/8/2015 14:54 - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

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By sheridan.ashley - 15/5/2010 06:27 - Australia

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML

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By jmove - 7/8/2019 06:00 - United States

One Word: Diabeetus

Today, I carhopped some food, enough to feed 6 people, out to this beat-up car. Inside were two huge ladies, who probably hadn't showered for a few days, sweating away from the hot weather. As I skated to the door, she said, "Hang on a moment," as she gave herself an insulin shot. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2016 14:13 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML

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By Noname - 9/3/2009 17:04 - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

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By rainperson - 7/1/2016 10:18 - France - Paris

Today, and as always, I recycle my trash at work: paper in the yellow trashcan, the rest in the black one. This morning, I saw a cleaning lady empty the contents of the black trashcan into the yellow one, put the whole lot into a big plastic bag and then leave as if this was normal. FML

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By youonlyneed2squares - 24/9/2014 04:10

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate says to me: "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

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By John - 30/6/2012 05:08 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

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By parenting sucks - 1/7/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

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By Innocent - 28/1/2012 13:40

Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

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By Franklin - 29/12/2017 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I walked into a room where my naked "best friend" had set up a romantic scene and attempted to kiss me. It turns out he believed we were in a relationship for the last year and told our entire school. I am 100% straight. This explains why I haven't been able to get laid in months. FML

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By DamnDogs - 20/11/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

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By tacky_unrefined - 16/2/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

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By why me - 29/6/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

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By Toothy - 2/4/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

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By jazz - 22/1/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

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By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Explication between girl

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking this to me. FML

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By obese_chicken - 6/11/2009 06:59 - Australia

Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

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By I'maboutobarf - 31/1/2013 10:28 - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

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By RustyRuski - 29/12/2014 22:58 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

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By - 12/1/2020 05:00

Beautiful car

Today, I sold my wife's old car because I bought her a newer and nicer one. On the way back home from the sale, the transmission went out in her new one. FML

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By XxHinkaixX - 1/8/2010 02:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

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By great 1st impression - 25/5/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

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By bigbum - 4/11/2012 09:50 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. It would have been great if he weren't drunk with a naked girl next to him. FML

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By Unknown - 7/7/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

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By Gabby125 - 19/9/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

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Top comments

By mosarmini | 0

#479311 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:22

O snap! well tell her..."thank god I didnt turn out a douchebag like you" case closed =]

By Dee100 | 0

#479362 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:49

She was probably joking.

Comments

By Razzor | 0

#479259 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:08

Wow. That totally sucks dude =(

Reply

americayay | 0

#479287 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:15

Edited. Was not intending to apply to the first post.

Reply

sublime93 | 0

#479810 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 15:23

Well, sounds like a fucking joke. Grow up.

Reply

LewJH | 0

#479839 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 15:40

I bet it is, there's so many FMLs that are jokes that people can't see the humour in. YDI for not seeing she was joking.

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#479909 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 16:07

That's what I was thinking. You started the joke, she finished it. I hope your mom grounded you for not having a sense of humor. Jesus Christ. It's not that hard to see.

Reply

Grndslmhttr3 | 0

#480795 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 21:51

It's called a fucking joke. People are really fucking stupid when it comes to posting FMLs.

Reply

ladidaday | 0

#1204656 - Saturday 7 August 2010 20:31

Aww! ): atleast she's honest?

By Rhodacious1 | 0

#479261 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:08

Ouch.

By marleesharpie | 0

#479265 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:08

FYL. :(

By americayay | 0

#479308 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:21

Aw. That's terrible. I hope she was kidding.

By mosarmini | 0

#479311 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:22

O snap! well tell her..."thank god I didnt turn out a douchebag like you" case closed =]

By emilysanftwsom | 0

#479317 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:24

Whinge whinge whine whine waaaaaaa. Get over it.

Reply

viperviperviper | 0

#2671793 - Monday 13 June 2011 15:40

I completely agree with you

By ak7987 | 0

#479321 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:26

fymom

Reply

Trilly123 | 10

#4288778 - Wednesday 11 April 2012 9:48

I bet you'd like to...jks

By rotyeqnor | 0

#479324 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:30

Never ask questions you don't wanna know the answer to, YDI

By pkstarstorm | 0

#479340 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:37

Been there man. :[

By qwerty29 | 0

#479360 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 9:48

NIIIICEEE!