Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML
Today, it was picture day and I had gotten my hair really nice and my outfit was perfect. Then, disaster: I was fidgeting with those squishy things filled with water and glitter, and it suddenly exploded. One second I'm playing with it, the next it's exploded all over my face. It's safe to say I truly shined in that picture. FML
Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML
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Top comments
aaaaa2p 0
Your wife sucks.
TheLoneWolf87 4
We seriously need a Who Gives A Damn About Twilight feature on FML.
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Comments (322)
katatak 0
Must be payback for turning into a 13 year old and going "honk honk" when you squeeze her boobs. She just wanted you to be in the same age bracket again.
YNasty 0
win
iGreen_Day 0
:D
dntknowaname 0
awesome!
RoseCuba 0
agreed!
Aliaandraa 0
hahaha. nice.
daemonsparta 16
because you know for sure op does that.....
crudeandrudeguy 29
330- All men have done it...
Leethal88 3
Omg i feel bad for you. I'm tired of all that twilight garbage
leero 0
http://tinyurl.com/yjss8au seriously FYL
allmidnighteyes 11
Twilight is the literary equivalent of bands like Nickelback, Millionaires, Brokencyde, 3OH!3, Attack Attack!, Owl City, Basshunter, and Blood On The Dance Floor.
meanie_monday 0
Marry me :)
Cupffin 0
Is that a good thing?
perfectwinds 0
No, not a good thing. Not a good thing at all.
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Lies, it is a great thing.
Whatsername6353 0
Yes, finally someone understands how awful they are!
Hudinaddi 0
Oh, really now? I love Brokencyde, BOTDF, Owl City, Attack Attack!, and Basshunter. They do suck but, equivalent? God dang. They're not THAT shitty.
sarcdude 3
Hey, I don't even listen to much rock and I don't think Nickleback is /that/ bad, it's actually listenable where Twilight isn't readable. Now if you said the literary equivalent of Soulja Boy...
dirtygurdy 0
yea they actually are that shitty
bored690 0
I HATE NICKLEBACK. and twilight,.
melissa_10 7
i love nickelback & twilight! =)
mannequiin 0
fail.
daemonsparta 16
hey hey. ..owl city and nickelback don't deserve such an insult
Rellich 0
YDI for marrying a 13 year old.
lostfaithinpppl 19
YDI for being married to a moron. Your own ******* choice.
FerrariCake 2
Don't worry... her obsession with Edward will end soon. Next up: your wife will walk into traffic on a busy street and then expect you to save her like Edward would, with your super-human-like-Edward strength. And that'll be the end of her.
rickrolled01 0
Win
Sunako_fml 9
god.. people are doing such stupid things such as dumping their boyfriends, slicing open their necks and putting glitter on their husbands because of this stupid book... f our lives
iLawl 0
FML? More like FMW. **** my wife. That totally sucks, dude. Haha.
o0HonestlyNow0o 0
YDI for marrying an emotionally stunted whack job.