Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML
Today, it was picture day and I had gotten my hair really nice and my outfit was perfect. Then, disaster: I was fidgeting with those squishy things filled with water and glitter, and it suddenly exploded. One second I'm playing with it, the next it's exploded all over my face. It's safe to say I truly shined in that picture. FML
Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML
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Top comments
aaaaa2p 0
Your wife sucks.
TheLoneWolf87 4
We seriously need a Who Gives A Damn About Twilight feature on FML.
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Comments (322)
optimus_prime420 0
Someone should open up a "Rehab For Twilight Obsessed Little Girls." .. They're making me look bad. ):
xiambam 4
You have my sincerest pities. Your life sucks.
iwillalwaysydi 0
YDI for marrying her... (but seriously FYL for having such a retarded wife)
michelleyily 0
Your wife is the reason twilight has such a bad name. But honestly no one gives a flip chip. so this isnt an fml
movies12 0
I am currently in the theater, siting to watch New Moon for the #2 time. oh and OP, ur wife has a obsession, I like Twilight and whatever but that's just sad.
beachbabie 0
seriously fyl! get the divorce papers!!
Ahay 3
you spelled 'glitter' wrong dumbass
cornsnake 0
#80 you just spelled it the same way he spelled it. op get a new wife. anyone who likes twilight has a horrible taste in books and movies. i didn't know that someone would be so stupid that they would put glitter on their husband.
aTRAGEDY 0
ha ha ur wife wants to bone Edward Cullen ha ha more power to her I personally like the twilight saga but these pre teens and over aged moms need to chill
perfectwinds 0
You should bite her then. Teach that bitch a lesson. (I'm a chick btw)
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Your response should have been: "Thank god! I thought it was from the strippers from last night." I jest, I jest.