Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML
Today, it was picture day and I had gotten my hair really nice and my outfit was perfect. Then, disaster: I was fidgeting with those squishy things filled with water and glitter, and it suddenly exploded. One second I'm playing with it, the next it's exploded all over my face. It's safe to say I truly shined in that picture. FML
Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML
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Top comments
aaaaa2p 0
Your wife sucks.
TheLoneWolf87 4
We seriously need a Who Gives A Damn About Twilight feature on FML.
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Comments (322)
Alldreeezy 3
omg I love your wife. you better hold on to that one. lol
Mattfail 0
133, your just as a dumb and should be lobotomized. Anyone whose that obsesed with writing that was done with crayons has issues. OP I feel bad for you for having to put up with such a moron of a wife.
Uniera 0
If she wants you to be more like Edward Cullen, go for it. Just include the creepiness, try to force her away from her friends, and act cold and abusive towards her.
Aha09 1
Exactly...that's the answer!
jazzlynne_raiyne 0
fyl...but thats hysterical... and people...there can be fans of twilight that arnt obsessed...or the people (who, like me!) liked twilight BEFORE it became popular, before it became a movie...ya know...if you get past the idiodic fangirls and assholes that rip on it...its actually a pretty good book...
abbbby 0
so true.
GoddessDigi 12
God, I agree. Probably 90% of the stories are fake, just because someone wants to get attention. FFS, if you hate Twilight so much, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT. Do you realize that most of the attention comes because people start it with negativity? Idiots.
SeximusPrime 0
Time for a divorce.
mizanonymous 0
This is why psychiatric evaluations should be a requirement before marriage! Oh and quick way to fix this... Replace all the food with animal blood then sit in the kitchen drinking fake blood and watch her freak the **** out!
Jackie_xD 0
WAT IS WRONG WITH UR FACE! ANIMAL BLOOD..REALLY..SHE WOULD DIE! YOH WANNA KILL PEOPLE IS THAT WAT YOH WANT ...*Points at yoh and says* KILLER OF HUMAINS! YA JERK actually, you wouldn't kill her, you'd just creep her out.... ALOT.
Luckster 0
Divorce...NOW! Fans that go THAT far are not going to change any time soon and their obsession will only get worse!
Jackie_xD 0
BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! i went on the computer just to comment on this. xD
kisseshugsdrugs 5
i want to tell every stupid twilight obsessed child that im going to cut off edwards head. stupid sparkling vampires and their idiot cult followers.
abbbby 0
your obviously either jealous, or have nothing else to do with your life than to make fun of other people. you know twilight is absolutely amazing, don't deny it.
kisseshugsdrugs 5
jealous? the book wasnt that great. bella is such a helpless twit i couldnt bear to even finish it. if you enjoy twilight enjoy it. but dont tell me its "amazing" because it isnt. and mostly im complaining about the idiot fans that think a cult needs to form over something so dumb and the fact that A GROWN WOMAN is doing stupid shit like in this fml.
Airesuhana 0
cutting his head wont work. stake him or leave him out in sunlight for a really long time so he can sparkle himself to death.
kisseshugsdrugs 5
thats actually how one would kill a vampire. plus, cutting off edward cullens head would be funny :]
yamicr 0
You should get divorced. Right now.