Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. He went to get popcorn and I went to the bathroom. Thinking he had got back before me, I sat down next to him in the theater. I leaned in to kiss him, then realized it was some 70-year-oldish woman. FML
Today, at dinner, I was talking to my parents about a movie quote. I couldn't remember what movie it was from. Then I remembered. It was a porno. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML
Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML
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Top comments
JManHobbs 0
If you think that qualifies as **** you obviously aren't a regular Internet user...
xFalzz 0
Thats why you should research movies before seeing them.
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Comments (219)
jinki101 0
that's gross about the guy jacking off but seriously u shld rlly watch the trailers..
cul8r 4
That's not ****! Jeez, OP, you're thick! And prude! You'd not make a single day in the night life of Europe.
wonderful_wendy 0
trailer watch them see them learn what the movie is about.
rhapsodylime 0
That movie was not a porno.... and that lesbian scene was a minute long and you never saw anything... Get a life. That movie blew.
Gemini253 0
It was only two scenes that was a total of 5 min out of the whole movie. Get over it
0v3rth3a1r 1
Clearly you've never watched **** because it was not a porno... and it was a great movie. Very well done.
o76923 8
5 minutes of sex so mild the movie is still rated R (even though the MPAA strongly discriminates against gay sex) is far from a porno. Maybe if you were 10-12 you could be confused, but beyond that you should know the difference.
motero 0
ahhhh yes...nothing like a creepy old man 2 lighten things up
sallen0046 4
If you're not mature enough to handle films that have sexual scenes while in the company of others, you shouldn't be going to see R-rated movies in the first place, especially considering they're required to list "adult themes" and "sexuality" as a reason for the rating. There was less than five minutes of sex in the entire film, and no graphic nudity. If you really think this sad film is "basically a porno", you'd obviously think the man behind you was doing something inappropriate as you obviously have very little idea what you're talking about. If you're going to be this ignorant you need to start reading reviews and synopsis' before you go see any more movies.
squeaker07 15
omg. OP you deserved it for not researching the movie before hand or just looking up the trailer. **** is not an art. Black Swan was an amazing work and definitely was a well crafted movie. It was labeled as a psychological thriller, and if you were stupid enough to think it was a porno, then obviously you didn't understand that "****" was her turning to her dark side. DUH!