Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I went to a corner store to restock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML
Today, as I was getting my mail, I noticed I'd received a free coupon from a baby supply store, saying, "Congratulations on your pregnancy!" Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I live with. All she had to say was, "Surprise!" FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
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Top comments
Sarkany_fml 2
Your life doesn't suck. HER life sucks, on account of her being a total bitch.
MURIKKA 11
I don't think that cashier realizes just how close she was to being killed on the spot.
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Comments (179)
Omnirod 4
Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you should eat like a pig.
beclaurela 18
I can't imagine she's skinny. Most cashiers at Walmart aren't.
4ube_fml 6
Uh, there can be obese pregnant women. There's being overweight because of the pregnancy, and putting on 50, 80, 100 lbs under that excuse. I won't say fyl or you deserved it because you may actually be obese, despite the pregnancy, and we obviously can't know.
drewflav 17
From what I've seen as a cashier many pregnant women have enormous chocolate cravings. Maybe the cashier knew you were pregnant and picked up on that too? The cashier was probably an asshole but don't completely discount this possibility either.
Sannekee 18
Guys, is it me or did I read that the cashier is pregnant, not OP? *quote* The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise. I'm pregnant, asshole." *end quote* That could mean two things - the cashier is mumbling under her breath that it is a "surprise, surprise" that she is pregnant, and that the alleged father/OP is an asshole. - the cashier mumbled under her breath: "surprise, surprise" to which OP replied "I'm pregnant, asshole" I read it like the first option.
EsOSiQueEs 14
I want you to look SUPER close at this FML. You'll see these things called, quotation marks! They tell you that the cashier only said, "surprise surprise" and OP's thought is, "I'm pregnant asshole". Assuming OP is more curtious than this cashier, she only thought this and didn't actually reply. And there's nothing about the father mentioned, so I have zero idea where you got that.
Sannekee 18
Haha, you are right. Even though I carefully read the status a couple of times, I really totally missed that. I must be more tired than I thought. :P The reason I mentioned the father was simple. I didn't understand why the pregnant cashier would call OP (who is a woman according to the fml) an asshole, as the FML didn't indicate the two know each other, so there's no reason why OP would be said asshole. I assumed that the cashier was mumbling to her self about the asshole that got her pregnant. This FML did really confuse me, and now I see why :P Oh and, I know what quotation marks are, I am not a complete imbecile. ;)
CombatMayhem 5
What does pregnant have to do with you picking the "I'm obviously a disgusting fat body" snacks? Find something healthy. Your fatty cakes aren't doing your baby any good. People Ike you who justify eating like a pig because you're pregnant shouldn't be reproducing anyway.
bluntbeak 6
you should've given her a nice smile and said "i'm pregnant, you judgemental bitch" and just strut out.
aneurophobia 5
SHE's the one working at a Wal-Mart.
KiddNYC1O 22
What? Pregnant women love chocolate... Surprise, surprise!
LadyGore 12
Shoulda called her out and asked to speak to the manager or supervisor, bad c/s should never be tolerated.