Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I went to a corner store to restock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML
Today, as I was getting my mail, I noticed I'd received a free coupon from a baby supply store, saying, "Congratulations on your pregnancy!" Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I live with. All she had to say was, "Surprise!" FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
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Top comments
Sarkany_fml 2
Your life doesn't suck. HER life sucks, on account of her being a total bitch.
MURIKKA 11
I don't think that cashier realizes just how close she was to being killed on the spot.
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Comments (179)
Shindig1 0
Youust be big in order to hear that. My wife was never a whale while pregnant mor used it as excuse to eat junk all day whale.
canadagurl2112 3
I'd like to punch u in the face douchebag!!!!
missbrad 4
Whale? **** you. I'm glad your wife stayed a healthy weight in your opinion because god help her if she gained weight while growing a human.
tattoo88 4
#43 you're a prime example why people are depressed an hate life!! I truely hope you get some crazy health problem an you gain hundreds of pounds!
avaeba 14
Probably because she was afraid of your overly-critical douchness. Pregnancy affects women's bodies in different ways-some get really big while others barely show at all-it has a lot to do with genetics and the baby's growth. 2 candy bars aren't going to tip the scales. Asshat.
gracehi 33
And you must be a moron to not even be able to construct two sentences without obvious mistakes. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that judgmental?
charvisioku 22
Twat.
ballpython 15
I'm sure the reason your wife didn't gain any weight during her pregnancy was due to fear of you either beating her or you portioning out her food.
missbrad 4
Punch him in the face like subway girl.
graphicstyle7 17
Don't keep this stuff in and stew about it! Really, either confront that person or see her manager. It's bad to keep that stuff in.
Robbogas 2
You should have punched her in the face and blamed hormones
bman0219 4
Report her and get her fired
aerogxt 7
Go pop a midol.
tattoo88 4
#57 obviously your brilliant lol she is pregnant why would she need a midol?
Catchergmw 5
Just remember she is the one working at Walmart
friedbunnies 9
Uhhhhh pregnancy is no excuse for eating shitty food in large quantities. Good luck getting that "baby" weight off.
0ops_i_died 8
A couple of candy bars isn't exactly over doing it there genius
dellam 3
Being pregnant isn't an excuse, fatty
MuseFan1991 14
admittedly being pregnant isnt an excuse to eat unreasonable amounts of food, but people need to ease off OP. maybe her blood sugar was low and she needed a quick fix until she could get home. i've served a woman at work who fainted in the middle of ordering cos her blood sugar was so low. if the cashier disapproved of OP eating two chocolate bars i dread to think her reaction if OP fainted :/
the_golden_one 6
Pregnancy diabetes does exist so it could be entirely possible she had low blood sugar and needed to raise it.