Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML
Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML
Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML
Today, I was helping my elderly landlady (75 years old) carry in her groceries. She said "Thanks" and then handed me a notice of eviction. FML
Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML
Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML
Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML
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Top comments
majesticous 29
You didn't knock?
legendairy3000 16
I see therapy in your future OP.
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Comments (68)
Mellowyellow15 10
Don't knock the knockers! ;)
BananaCoconutty 26
She's a cougar!
tdawg91 17
1: it's ok to be elderly AND a lesbian 2: it's her own house, Op is lucky the lady had pants on because I usually don't when I'm home alone
kstizzle_504 8
Is this the same granny that was eaten out or feeding her neighbor's cat, by chance? Haha!
miranderrr14 10
I mean at least she had pants.... You're lucky she had that. If it were my home I wouldn't have anything on, personally.
Ben12345_fml 18
I don't understand. You wrote "she was wearing pants". I'm confused
daddysgirl8 21
Yes. Let me just walk into my neighbor's house unannounced. Surely she won't be roaming around topless.
IDerive 12
You could have made the cake over there and saved money on the powdered milk
SarcasticAtheist 8
Your ran because of a pair of boobs... amd you're a girl... Genius!