Kids: Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl... - FML

By NotAPrincess - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

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Messed up

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Buyer's market

By captain patch beard

RIP Beard

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

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By Good morning to you all

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

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By buxton1 - United States - Ramona

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a haircut. During dinner, my grandmother complained about it, and said I looked terrible. I've had the exact same haircut for years. FML

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By Zach - United States - Lewes

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

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By Florida - United States - Winchester

Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML

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By ToxicSuicide - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

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By nonmormon - United States

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

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By wolfpacking - France

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, I fist pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

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By pplsuck - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

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By wordmalfunction - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

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By Fmyoffice - United Kingdom

Today, for the third time this week, my boss made me switch desks. Each new desk is closer to the door than the last one. I think he's trying to tell me something. FML

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By headache - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By My Life Is Just PERFECT - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

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By flimflam - United States

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

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By embarrassed - United States

Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML

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By GonnaLockUpMySpices - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the rehearsal for my wedding, my mother told my bride's mother to fuck off. FML

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By cheezeits - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

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By artsmart1 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

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By DrunkPeopleSuck

Today, a customer at the bar I work at yelled at me for calling her "Ma'am." I asked what she'd prefer, and she gave me her name. When I called her by her name, she yelled at me for not calling her "Ma'am." FML

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By Googleit - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

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By Anonymous

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

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By Face fucking palm - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

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By ohgodwhyfml - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

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By BearMan - United States

Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

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By failureatlife - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

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By Wrongdoor - United States

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

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By feeling dusty

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML

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By Screwed - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

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By Where is it coming from?! - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

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By naughtyshirt - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

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By captainlame - United States

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

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Top comments

By Hoopachi | 19

#6289286 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:32

How could you lie to a little girl like that?! No wonder she started crying! I can't believe you, smh.

By kred | 21

#6289285 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:32

Here comes the "let it go" puns

COMMENTS

By kred | 21

#6289285 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:32

Here comes the "let it go" puns

Reply

JustinJK | 21

#6289363 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 1:11

You should just let it go.

Reply

extrasnipes | 22

#6289443 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 2:51

Who the hell would wear a frozen shirt? That's just cold.

Reply

simplykam | 11

#6289505 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 4:26

oh god no!!! can we not just let em
go lol hehe

Reply

shemademedoit | 20

#6289518 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 4:37

do you want to at least build a snowman?

Reply

wakemeupplease | 21

#6289522 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 4:44

I would say fuck it all!!

Reply

jmigs17 | 19

#6289624 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 7:13

OP to girl: "Okay. Bye"

By Hoopachi | 19

#6289286 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:32

How could you lie to a little girl like that?! No wonder she started crying! I can't believe you, smh.

Reply

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6289360 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 1:09

Unless you personally know Idina Menzel and she taught you to sing I suggest you stop using that line.

Reply

StraightUpBaller | 14

#6289538 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 5:02

Isn't it just to keep the magic of youth alive?

Reply

Ninja_Porcupine | 13

#6289545 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 5:13

She was just trying to make the little girl happy...

Reply

starile | 19

#6289643 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 8:00

NONSENSE! There are enough people in the world trying to make children happy with LIES! OP shouldn't have gotten her hopes up if she couldn't truly rise to the expectation. Lies. All lies... *rocks back and forth*

Reply

belleboleyn | 14

#6289871 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 18:28

You do realize when she says she's "friends with Elsa" that she in fact does legitimately play Elsa at one of the Disney parks right? smh people.

By ENCOURAGER | 12

#6289295 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:35

how'd the parents take tht XD

By nhaba1214 | 19

#6289296 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:35

Why did she start bawling ..?

Reply

cfojo | 19

#6289362 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 1:10

I'm guessing it's because OP did not, in fact, know Elsa.

Reply

tournamentdecide | 33

#6289543 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 5:10

It was probably a mix of what #19 said and her poor singing.

Reply

miianah1 | 22

#6289814 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 14:43

MAYBE, OPs singing was so good, the girl had no choice but to believe she knew Elsa and started crying out of jealousy.

By BeautifulChaos27 | 37

#6289297 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:35

No way Elsa taught you how to sing with that terrible voice!

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6289613 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 7:05

Op, I know you were trying to be nice to the kid, but you kinda set yourself up on that one, lol. If you tell them that Elsa taught you to sing, they're going to expect you to sound like (or at least, as good as) Elsa. This is hilarious!

By marigoldcobain | 21

#6289301 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:36

Huh. That was kind of a weird thing to tell a kid.

Reply

theTravinator | 21

#6289326 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:46

I was thinking the same thing, a little odd- but whatever I guess

Reply

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#6289499 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 4:22

The "she taught me how to sing" part was weird but I've told little kids I'm friends with such and such a character. Probably picked up from a life surrounded by Disney employees.

Reply

tdawg91 | 17

#6289640 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 7:46

I tell little kids "oh that's my favourite movie too!" And talk about that, I wouldn't tell them that i met a character, that's really weird unless you've actually met a person dressed as that character

By BananaCoconutty | 24

#6289303 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:37

Maybe she was crying because she didn't like the food and not because of you allegedly horrible singing.?

Reply

kaotic_angel88 | 24

#6289525 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 4:50

I doubt it

Reply

mukduk | 21

#6289570 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 5:41

Context clues, dude.

Reply

assassinmaster | 22

#6289576 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 5:50

the hell the difficulty to distinguish
you;
your; and
you're
made my head hurt to read

By feven | 32

#6289314 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:41

Don't lie if you don't have the talent

By whassallt26 | 13

#6289317 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:42

You can see why Op said that, to be friendly to the kid, but honestly you must have been pretty awful to make her cry

Reply

a1_z9 | 10

#6289335 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:49

Ha some kids will cry at anything. I used to cry at my mum's (perfectly acceptable) singing just because of the tone of it!

Reply

illegalbeagle69 | 23

#6289526 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 4:53

What the hell are you smoking..?

By aleemoe45 | 15

#6289318 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 0:43

Let it go!

Reply

LissaPalumbo | 14

#6289556 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 5:25

Well. #1 called it!

Reply

Stillalex_fml | 7

#6289584 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 6:12

Why so many down thumbs .