Work: Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation...

By spitt - 13/05/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 408

You deserved it 2 481

Work

Our house, in the middle of our street

Age difference

Ungeeked

By Nick - 05/06/2016 21:59

Today, I was swimming in a public pool, and I felt a tug on my swimming trunks. It was my grandma snorkeling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 691

You deserved it 1 211

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 962

You deserved it 13 679

By cherry - 10/04/2009 09:43 - Australia

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 656

You deserved it 23 843

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 13:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 765

You deserved it 4 696

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 05:01 - Germany - Aachen

Today, my mom wrote me an email, asking how I was doing after an accident yesterday. I wrote back at length, telling her everything in detail. Two hours later, she calls me on the phone, asking how I am. She was simply too lazy to check her mail and expected me to tell her everything a second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 174

Bored

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 22:58 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 50

Sex ed failed some of y'all

By jaya - 25/10/2021 05:00

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 167

By ScrewedForCheapBag - 14/03/2013 08:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 366

You deserved it 2 596

What a mug

By Muina - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Morocco - Meknes

Today, I got mugged for my phone. I stupidly offered to give the guy my money if he'd let me keep my phone. He took both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 445

You deserved it 24 697

By Congrats to me - 24/05/2014 23:57 - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 650

You deserved it 4 132

By Leijabug - 21/04/2019 18:00

Today, my best friend and I decided to dye our hair blue. We didn’t mean to also dye the ceiling, walls, shower, or floor. We DEFINITELY didn’t mean to dye our faces the day before school pictures that cannot be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 2 993

By germx - 18/03/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was at my job in the Dean of Students office. My boss gave me some papers to copy. As I was copying, I read in a report that my boyfriend was written up for "cohabitation" (having a girl stay over) at my Catholic university. The report was from a weekend I wasn't at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 228

You deserved it 4 181

The price of partying

By Rafael - 06/12/2021 17:01

Today, and since I went to a club with a few friends for the first time two days ago, I now have tinnitus, which still persists and I'm worried it might be permanent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 224

By Peaches - 22/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 469

You deserved it 395

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 290

You deserved it 7 418

By daisyann - 15/07/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 641

You deserved it 55 462

By TheaterMom - 28/06/2016 11:12 - Germany

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 134

You deserved it 969

Cotton Eye Joe

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 09:27 - United States

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling, "Who's your daddy?" at his plate of barbecued meat, and my mom just sat there with that, "What the hell happened to my life?" look on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 228

You deserved it 4 537

Thanks, I hate this

By fat girl - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - North Pole

Today, my coworkers threw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 356

You deserved it 5 660

By TJ - 08/08/2012 11:23 - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 433

You deserved it 2 811

Backwards world

By SilverRaven77 - 19/01/2021 23:01

Today, I was fired from my job for wearing a mask. The manager said I must have Covid, since I was the only one wearing a mask and following state mandated orders. I told him, "I'll see you in court!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 153

Big bang on the horizon

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 12:01

Today, I found out that in September I will be expected to teach a student whose mother described as a more pedantic, nitpicky, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 13:44 - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 116

You deserved it 1 663

Smooth

By Anonymous - 12/04/2020 20:00

Today, I turned 30. I still can't grow any facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 217

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 150

You deserved it 6 423

By Rohirus - 07/06/2012 23:09 - Sweden

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 479

You deserved it 2 533

By kimmykins27 - 31/10/2014 12:58 - United States

Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 083

You deserved it 3 043

By Anonymous - 25/02/2011 14:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that I can fit back into the clothes I wore in High School. I was proud of this until my husband told me that I look like a stuffed sausage in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 171

You deserved it 11 063

By stuck - 17/06/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 806

You deserved it 10 463

By cherknobil - 07/07/2019 00:00

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw. The employees had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 175

Priorities

By natashamilan - 26/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 2 811

By :^( - 07/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 126

You deserved it 3 187

By WoWWidow - 02/09/2011 08:02 - United States

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 894

You deserved it 4 428

By Me - 07/03/2012 18:24 - United States

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 459

You deserved it 2 586

Take a number

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 00:01

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 255

By svsksosnns - 11/05/2016 03:59 - United States - Olympia

Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with co-workers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 866

You deserved it 1 021

By nazirah4shizzle - 15/05/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 246

You deserved it 3 465

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 13:56 - India - Chennai

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 253

You deserved it 26 689

Rude awakening

By oww - 15/11/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 173

You deserved it 3 366

By Anonymous - 28/02/2013 07:19 - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 426

You deserved it 14 138

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Top comments

rhiannahoward14 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 8:59

Plan your own dinner party. But with blackjack and hookers. In fact forget the dinner party.

DerrickJames 33

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 8:54

Go with your real friends to dinner and celebrate. You don't need them!

aizai97 18

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 8:53

You should probably leave your job if they arent appreciating you.

sonasonic 34

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:29

Unemployment must seem great to you then!

starile 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:39

It's the American way! Don't like something? Trash it!

nonsensical 26

Wednesday 13 May 2015 10:09

Screw you guys! I'm going home.

shemademedoit 20

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 11:26

dont leave your job. karma is always a bitch and she will get them one by one >:)

Zebediabolical 39

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 17:58

If only life were fair and actually worked out that way. The world would be a MUCH better place.

TuneSyon 7

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Friday 15 May 2015 15:37

I think he should look for another job before he quits

DerrickJames 33

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 8:54

Go with your real friends to dinner and celebrate. You don't need them!

rhiannahoward14 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 8:59

Plan your own dinner party. But with blackjack and hookers. In fact forget the dinner party.

bdsmslave 18

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:25

Oh, I am in love with how you think. Where do I find a woman like you?

starile 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:33

^ Right... there...

flychicc 13

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Thursday 14 May 2015 4:49

Dammit Bender! Get off FML and get to work!!

rhiannahoward14 19

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Thursday 14 May 2015 5:12

It's robanukah, the holiest two weeks of the robot calendar, I can't work.

Zerizle 19

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Thursday 14 May 2015 7:24

You are my hero

Zerizle 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:00

Screw those guys! They're just jealous of how much better you are at their jobs.

kangx1 28

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 12:21

I read that in benders voice.

socialproduct 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 19:35

Haha, same here. You should tell them "bite my shiny metal ass"

flychicc 13

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Thursday 14 May 2015 4:50

I am very amused that the comment directly above yours is a Bender quote.

pabj208 23

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:01

F***k 'em.

AnOriginalName 19

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 10:55

That's a great way to get in trouble for sexual harassment at the workplace.

mostmontoya 12

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:06

they're just intimidated (;

clitoria 15

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 9:06

Too many managers, bosses, even co-workers treat each other terribly (usually they have something against someone with no understandable or logical reason.) If you can't financially quit and find a job that will hopefully treat you better, then just realize that they're a bunch of cunts and just focus on doing your job. Unless they have a solid reason not to like you?