Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to...

By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Rock, hard place

Daydreaming

By bitch - 16/5/2017 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

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By ouch - 22/1/2013 02:41 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 16:28 - United States

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

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By mommy - 17/11/2010 12:09 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

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By MacGrouber - 17/3/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

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By Username - 14/7/2019 20:00

Today, I learned that my 29-year-old boyfriend won't stay the night at my house because he lives at home with his parents and doesn't want to have "the discussion" with his mom about me. FML

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By gas money - 22/11/2015 04:34 - United States - Reno

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

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By margretlle - 26/4/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

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By honeybunny - 19/11/2014 19:04 - United States - Norman

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

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By new dog - 14/9/2014 03:38 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

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By bureaucracy - 29/1/2017 13:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML

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By SimpleSadie - 22/4/2017 16:00

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2014 04:48 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

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By photonut13 - 15/7/2010 10:52 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 22:38 - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

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By stillkindahorny - 13/9/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 07:18 - United States - American Canyon

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2010 14:29 - Canada

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 16:54 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

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By bigcityfail - 7/5/2011 11:54 - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

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By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - 29/7/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

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By will3000 - 12/1/2011 13:28

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

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By Kenny - 24/1/2014 07:16 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

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By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

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By Ann - 31/5/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that "all men are pigs" and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

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By ouchmytits - 28/3/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2014 17:14 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

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By broke - 9/7/2016 07:36

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

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By Pain - 6/5/2016 11:34 - United States - Andover

Today, my parents "suggested" I help them move house. I didn't realize that meant I would be carrying every stick of furniture out of their house. The muscles in my arms are so tight now that I can't straighten them. I can't wait to help them unpack tomorrow. FML

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By me. - 1/12/2012 14:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

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By Hello condoms and lube - 9/2/2016 21:53 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

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By socialbanana - 19/12/2016 02:13 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after getting up at 6 a.m., fighting with the dogs to wipe their paws off from the snow, and having to wait for a moving truck to move so I could get to work by 8, I got a call from my boss saying we were closed due to weather. It was 8:15. I was already there. FML

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By Zoe123 - 19/3/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

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By Oli974 - 22/10/2015 13:08 - France - N?ves-parmelan

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

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By amused - 23/6/2014 21:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I looked at my bank balance. It read $1.23. That's higher than it usually is. FML

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By Kylee Day - 27/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 03:00

She missed everything

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep 3 min into the 25 min TV show sex that we waited all week to watch together. FML.

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By Brodam - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Priorities

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

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By NotTHATbad - 19/11/2016 17:26

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

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Top comments

By roxyluv | 0

#1387214 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:27

pretend u were talking to a guy with the same name as him
"lol bob ur so funny"
bob walks by
"err I'm so glad I'm fortunate to talk to you from half way across the world bob who is not the bob infront of me"

By EightInchNails | 9

#1387195 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:20

Why is the coolest guy not on the football team?

COMMENTS

By Hummbinger | 5

#1387194 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:20

You're gonna get those babes!

sarah48_fml | 0

#1387227 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:33

they probably weren't even paying attention to you in the first place.. soo nothing to worry about :)

rallets | 22

#1387234 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:35

"so hey man where you at, im sitting next to these hot chicks"

"im right here"

:O "holy shit!"

Blondie08_fml | 0

#1387419 - Saturday 11 September 2010 15:02

lmfao

KingDingALing | 9

#1387455 - Saturday 11 September 2010 15:12

Wow. You're so fucking cool, OP (sarcasm).

You sure as hell deserved that. Chances are that they weren't even paying attention to you. I hope that now they make fun of you for being such a retard.

sicpupyz122 | 0

#1387506 - Saturday 11 September 2010 15:21

Wow. The only reason i clicked YDI is because you should NEVER fake call anyone to impress someone. Girls do not fall for it. And since im assosiated in the gender column as a lady-creature then i should know;p

brycereid | 0

#1388223 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:14

what grade are you in? first?

srammer8 | 0

#1388227 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:14

more of a creature than a lady but w/e

brianjman14 | 22

#1388450 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:23

Fake calling won't make you cool. It makes you look like a fag and a loser.

yankees4life09 | 0

#1388761 - Saturday 11 September 2010 21:54

you look like a fag and a loser, u sure you're not the one in the fml. haha

wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1391101 - Sunday 12 September 2010 5:01

haha 12 good impression

EdwardN | 0

#1392515 - Sunday 12 September 2010 11:16

hahahaha LOSER

xsarahxy | 0

#1393271 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:48

are u in middle school?

Luissoto | 0

#1393313 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:57

u look like Ron from Harry potter on Steroids.

PieInTheSky24 | 0

#1397049 - Monday 13 September 2010 9:32

trying to look cool will never get you a girl dude.
YDI for trying to act cool
YDI for being bad at acting
YDI for even using the word cool

drcool41 | 0

#1405992 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 2:27

way grade r U in 80 something if you kiss like that! hahahah jk

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2373298 - Tuesday 19 April 2011 16:24

#162 wtf?

Naitsi | 19

#3610329 - Sunday 20 November 2011 15:13

true :D

SeaMen | 3

#3864510 - Wednesday 11 January 2012 5:40

what do you think this is tv? girls don't like you cuz u talk to a popular guy unless he is famous

By EightInchNails | 9

#1387195 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:20

Why is the coolest guy not on the football team?

AriasOscar | 0

#1387207 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:24

because it's not cool to play football, 'mnstream as eff'.

NickK49 | 0

#1387313 - Saturday 11 September 2010 14:01

4-Ok dip shit I know the coolest guys don't have to play football, but since you are obviously an asshole nobody would give a flying half shit about, maybe you should stick to ballet.

dirtygurdy | 0

#1387350 - Saturday 11 September 2010 14:37

wow. can you chill the fuck out? it was obviously just a joke. you need to stop taking things over the internet so seriously, idiot.

MetalFish | 0

#1387412 - Saturday 11 September 2010 14:59

#39 has anger issues

h0tTamales | 0

#1387655 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:00

your telling him that? wow. you guys are hypocrites XD

shakethat | 10

#1387661 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:00

if the team sucks ass I don't think anyone playing gets "cool points". just sayin

morganrules123 | 10

#1388064 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:35

I went to two different high schools and at one football was cool but at the other football was lame.

oarisimo | 4

#1388423 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:18

39, it was a joke. change your tampon and chill out.

dilaaaah | 2

#1389509 - Sunday 12 September 2010 1:58

that's exactly what i was thinking ....

CableX17 | 0

#1391557 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:31

Lol, I took ballet, nd I pwnd it;P

KobeLebroJordan | 17

#6279618 - Saturday 2 May 2015 15:33

Maybe he played on the Basketball team?

By justsayfuck | 5

#1387209 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:25

This is such a fail.

Try to impress them with your own 'coolness' next time (please take some time to develop it, you have a long way to go) and not by pretending to be cool because you know 'the coolest guy'. It's not attractive.

gunta | 0

#1387593 - Saturday 11 September 2010 15:41

Or he could just be himself xD

theian01 | 3

#1387657 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:00

Pretending to be cool always is a fail.

jonnyapples | 7

#1389185 - Sunday 12 September 2010 0:53

I want to sex you up

Kallik | 0

#2131952 - Monday 28 February 2011 7:58

I want to eat apples.

By YouKnowItSux | 0

#1387213 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

superswagbro | 7

#4363922 - Saturday 28 April 2012 5:58

Well at least he gets out of the house sometimes.

By roxyluv | 0

#1387214 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:27

MmissyT | 8

#1387265 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:55

lmao

Quidikic | 9

#1387390 - Saturday 11 September 2010 14:53

the made me smile, but it's not at all hard to make me laugh

Saritasmiles | 0

#1388845 - Saturday 11 September 2010 22:24

hahahaha

By Graawr | 7

#1387228 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:33

fail. XD

JustReina | 0

#1388297 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:35

bubz braid!!

Graawr | 7

#1390592 - Sunday 12 September 2010 3:13

Yeah!! you're right. :D

OhYeaYourLifeSuc | 0

#1391676 - Sunday 12 September 2010 8:09

^ cutie =]

Cobalt_the_nerdy | 9

#4391171 - Friday 4 May 2012 20:06

Creep ^ :(

By Anarkhy | 0

#1387231 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:34

very uncool dude

By FrecklesXO | 8

#1387233 - Saturday 11 September 2010 12:35

Doesn't talking on the phone give people around you all the more reason to not pay any attention to you? I've never looked at someone on the phone and thought, "oh, now he's cool!"